I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.

I Need You…by Jessie 4/05



You are not here but I feel you
As I roll over in bed and stare at an empty pillow    
I see you
Lying peacefully next to me, like an Angel
I reach out and you are gone
As I walk the early morning preparing for the day
I hear you
You are in the wind, the sun, and the air I breathe
A warm breeze from the south blows in
I touch you
Vaporous and transparent yet substantial in it’s caress  
As I walk the fence line of honey suckle
I smell you
The sweet fragrant essence of what I know is you
As it begins to rain, I lift my face to the sky, open my mouth
I taste you
The purity of the morning rain
Soft and delicate as it hits my tong
I look around, you are not there
I sense you
Holding me, loving me
I need you

She's taken your body wash, and used it without permission.
She's used it twice before and
presumed it would be fine to take it again.

You never gave consent.
You even said No.

She's used it twice before so what's a third time,
or a fourth or even a fifth,
she's just hoping you won't snitch and tell someone
she stole something from you...
Your confidence or your peach shampoo?

She lied about the temperature of the bath water,
you were supposed to drown
before you felt the heat,
but you didn't and now you're
tearing your skin to shreds,
Self-destruction on the first date,
how sweet.

She wants you to wash your mouth out,
you said something you shouldn't and now she's mad,
feeling sorry for you is in the past,
the new thing is drowning you in the bath.

Your heads now under water,
feet kicking the floor.
She's doused you with her perfume,
just to see you choke against the wooden frame of the door.

I dream of you
I dream of rolling over into your warmth before the sun rises
biting on your lip while I pull at the collar of your shirt

I dream of a little girl
I dream of braiding her hair every day to "be like mommy"
watching her grow and carry my strength
but mostly your tenderness

I dream of bus 17
I dream of the first moment my eyes met yours
I dream of our forever

I dream of being the perfect version of me
I dream of my wandering heart settling into yours
I dream of us
I dream of you