Combining in me is this false sense of security
Fatal attractions to the fetid flesh of the dead
Such aspirations have brought me to my own end
I lower my blood levels purity
Mixing with it chemicals bought from the street

Oh! What is with this sick obsession I have obtained?!
Oh! Why must I fantasize a grave stone barring my own name?!
Oh! Such a sordid love affair with my demise!!
Oh! To ****** thyself, death by suicide!!

I practice the act in such ways like self- mutilate
If God were to witness I'd be the focus of his holy hate
I'd inspire him to bring back the days his love was called wrath
I'll be the testament for which our free will is taken back

Oh! What is the problem that I have with life?!
Oh! Why must all my dreams end in suicide?!
Oh! I cannot wait for the day!!
Oh! When I am finally lowered into my grave!!

You are one shade less than perfect
You are nothing and you're worthless
You have given all that I need
But the one thing most precious I will not keep

I was only given so much to go around, but it must show
Because all the waitress in all the towns, act as if they already know
Always flashing that concerned, half-turned smile
When they call me "Darling" and whisper, "Will you be stayin' a while?"

I'm not sure if it's out of habit or respect?
But I always do it, do what manners expect
Look up with what part of me is left
Smile back but I think of you instead

When I'm with my family
And they shower me with love
I can't help and wonder, "How do they all do it?
Care so much for everyone..."

Do they only give out smaller bits?
A fraction of the painting
So when they all come together
All the pieces seem to fit, to form something amazing

Its almost impossible replicate
Each person's own vision and version of love.
Breaking it like all the rest is one thing that I refuse
So instead I give it all away, every last bit and piece to you.

False idols only lead to false hope.
Got a choke chain necklace
A Rosary noose around my throat.
We all love, We all die.
As long as I still struggle to breathe
You won't see how selfish it is to keep me
Crawling by.

Oh how lucky the depraved are!
Oh how brave the saddest were...

I've tried their medicine, I made it mine.
No note; Nothing to say Goodbye.
Maybe my blood will thicken their tears?
My only salvation is my biggest fear.

So here I'll stand... But I'll go stag - staggering.
I hope, not, to bother you
With these thoughts
that keep us both awake.
I've had some Help, my reflection in her eyes
And she said as best she could, "keep your friend in mind."

Trying to hang on - to something - but it's lesser everyday.
Brave friend...You once said
"Me and you, we think alike. Share the same troubles..."
Maybe I'm just jealous
Cuz my struggles are now doubled.

The world is waking up, I'm lying down.
I'm down, down again...
Watch the shadows grow and crawl
Envy fallen leaves becoming one with it all
Someday Goodnight will be Goodbye.

Early mourning, the sun, Blue is creeping in
I'm my lonely best friend.
Today and Yesterday, They are one in the same.
Will it hurt or just a flash? Doesn't matter anyway.
Someday Goodnight will be Goodbye.

Granite, Stone, or Wall. I carve my name.
To prove ever I was here, there isn't much to show.
Happy, Sad, or SOMETHING! I wish I could choose.
Things of the past are all a Catch-22.
Someday Goodnight will be Goodbye.

With open arms, I welcome you.
With open hearts I'll split in two.
No one will understand, looking back they'll see it.
Don't ask yourself, "Why?"
Tonight is Goodbye.

I arrived with a smile running down - trying to escape my pale face
Eyes were heavy and excited, how did I manage to stay away
For so long, I had forgotten how
What the warmth seemed to scream and shout,
"It's alright; you're ok!
You're finally safe and sound - you're Home, now!"

I unpacked, and relaxed, ironed out wrinkles from the previous year
Each pressed in line, showed how much time, made it so obviously clear
That no matter what I expressed with my tongue
It's clear, it's here - this Home -  I belong
"It's alright; you'll be ok.
Just don't over stay your Welcome."

It wasn't long at all, before not a single thought, wasn't of how I over-stayed
But now I live alone, this house is not a Home, I only have myself to blame
Come Christmas time, the needles of the pine, will be the only presents under the tree
Since my return, I relearned, released the monster within me
"It's alright, you're fine...
Just as long as you never leave."

Boy, is it good to be Home.