Life will teach you that life doesn’t really matter
I wonder if my life is as irrelevant as an ant on the ground
Or a drop of spit from 10,000 feet above
And life is hard
I think for everyone no matter what
Why are we here and why do we have such complex emotions
For someone who doesn’t mean anything to anyone
How can they still feel so much for everyone
Nobody really cares about anyone’s life until they are dead

-e.t

now i'm laying here thinking about nothing but the tee shirt you slept in
the way your fingertips caressed my legs
the shivers i would get when you touched me
and the butterflies i would get just thinking about you

you left me in the shadow of your heart
with nothing, in the darkness
feeling your heart beat was the only thing that kept me alive
and now all i wanna do is die

All of a sudden you get a shock right through your body, your heart feels like its three times the weight that it was half a minute ago, and the tears start pouring down your face. You are mad, but in the exact same moment you feel so empty. Be strong, he would not want to see you grieving over him. Be happy for him being in a better place now. Not everything works out the way you want it to.

God gained another angel , RIP Uncle Steve.

i’ve been known to be reckless with myself, i’ve been told that i’m not sure of how precious life is, and the preciousness of it is exactly what made me play games with my heartbeat.
my fear of death disappeared at 13 when i discovered how my skin was made of paper and i could draw fault lines and create a spectacle of fire dancing over my veins;
i lost worth in myself when i lost the desire to nurture myself anymore.
i let you play with my hair and dance your fingers along my bare back, and convinced myself i loved you even if it sounded like an apology whenever i said it,
and it did nothing but show me that i’m flesh, and bones, and scraped knees.
it’s easy enough to see what you are when all you have to do is look, and at the same time, i’m doing all i can to flee from it.
you flew out of my veins in a jet of crimson cobwebs and i can’t take looking at you in another photo with that pretty girl you held hands with a few days after you left me and knowing i’m not going to be the one undoing the threads of your conscience tonight.
something without colour is sleeping in me, and its less frightening when the voices in your head tell you that the horizon is going to sing for you in the morning;
until every chord and ballad turns orange and you get to see the sky paint how much it loves you.

There's something about two in the morning
that gets the thought of you running through my head
Im not sure weather to be delighted or frightened
Even though the thought of you can be so exciting
You're the one who made my thoughts turn into death
Yet, i love you in so many ways it hurts
But inside i know it's not as worse as living with your curse
Your blessing is something I'll never forget
But a girl like you is a devil in a dress
Dressed so nicely
It can remind you of picking flowers on a beautiful summers day
A girl who's beauty never failed to amuse me
A girl who's behaviour never failed to confuse me
But with just the slightest touch of your lips
I go on a bigger trip than any other drug i could have ever done
Shrooms and acid can't compare to euphoria you make me feel
But with every drug there comes a good and bad
The only bad thing about you;
is that you're the best drug i've ever had

it starts in the morning, i drag myself out of bed
oh how much strength it takes to get out of bed.
nothing to look forward to, nothing to motivate me to get through the day
it drags on with all the things i could be doing better, i hate this day.

sometimes i feel like sleep and writing are my only escapes
sometimes i think even of making the escapes of all escapes.
no i am not depressed, this is just a little rough patch
i know it will get better, my whole life will not be this little rough patch.

sometimes i wonder who will miss me if i went away
people tell me not to say that, those thoughts do not just go away.
i wish you understood what a hard life this is
life could be worse, yes. but i think my life is.

Under an apple tree they sat,
the young couple, with their sun hats.
it was a perfect day they believed,
the perfect day was over when he had to leave

she cried a little on his shoulder,
as she was speechless and her arms became colder.
he said his goodbyes and promised they weren't forever,
however she knew their relationship would sever.

letters back and forth once a week,
and she missed the little kisses she once got on her cheek.

she re-lives the days where everything was perfect all the time,
she looks at the apple tree they used to climb.
she knew something wasn't right,
he hadn't come back he was supposed to be on last night's flight.

i hear a knock on the door, it wouldn't be him
my significant other would have walked right in.
i open the door to someone i don't know and they began,
informing me both him and i have lost a man.

i drop to my knees thinking how could this be,
maybe god did need another angel but why couldn't it be me?
i look around feeling more empty than empty could be,
filled with sorrow, i think should i let go, should i be free?

whats the point in living if he's not living with me,
he was my one and only. my happiness, my glee.
i take one last breath and draw the knife,
who knew someone could have this much impact on my life