How do you convince a broken heart that it's completely beautiful?
-Dougie Simps

Light up the medicine to help heal the minds core
Drink up no worries until you don't feel the pain anymore
This ain't addiction
This is conviction
Trying to prove my point to the old and ignorant
But what's the point in such a dull time
Me speaking my mind is probably a federal crime
Allow the vice to loosen up as I raise the price of my forbidden confidence
To say what's on my mind all while dealing with the consequence
Half man and half dead that shuffles through
Feeling alive on a cloud but probably looking dead to you
Hm
Don't take these words for granted
The weak and simple minded will look at them hella slanted
I'm feeling great
Food for thought all stacked on my plate
I see the stars align, old heros who were once great
Imagine if I could pick apart their brains,
I bet we would've relate

Hungry for power - should be hungry for knowledge, like what book can I devour?
Old girls still acting all sour
Claiming I'm not doing ****t
I'm doing everything but you, she just can't cope with it
But back to program back to these Jordan's
Back to the money and back to the slow jams
Nah
Increase my value to issue out more than materialistic value
And see the battle in which my heart, mind, soul all decided to scatter
My heart was beating for certain meaning that my mind couldn't quite understand
And my soul was tired of both of them trying to manipulate the decision of being a certain type of man
Did you struggle?
And feel the faithless wonder disappear?
Praying to god but the devil is constantly whispering all in your ear
Hearing voices, making bad choices but it all apart of growing up.
No one dies a ****** because at some point we all gave a f$@k
High as the alps, lost in my thoughts
Found in my prayers
Wondered if I fell down, who would be there?
Wondering if I have my heart, who else willing to share?
Wondering if I died tomorrow, who would truly care?
Questions we all ask, while trying to complete the task. Are you truly living your life? Are you afraid the good times won't last?
Are you happy right where you are? Don't look at me like that.
You haven't asked yourself these questions until the last time it all went bad...
I bring the realization to life and call you out on your problems
You keep responding with "a new day same ****t" but continue to never solve em.
People these days lack evolution
Settling the new trend - life is the real movie and all ya playing pretend.
I'm playing a role to
And it's called contradiction...
I've yet to try change but expect everyone else to listen?
These words - yes, yes these words are to be nothing more but understood
Turn life into your own - make life what you should.

For if I closed my eyes
I wouldn't of ever saw you
But my open heart
Still, would've let you in
Therefor...
Disaster was inevitable
Pain was destined
Disappointment was always near
But growth was promised.

Ugh
I could sit here and write to you for 12 more months
I could sharpen your image or speak to you just a lil more blunt
Oh you still in a funk?
But the music is off?
Post a picture with ya real intentions & captioned it "another loss"
Cause that's what you get when you lie to yaself
Eyeliner following a similar path, prideful lipgloss to stubborn to ask for help
But she'll ask for wealth
And say she was mistreated
Saying all men are the same and they intentions misleading...
Yeah?
Cause with me you were well treated, appreciated, serenaded and so perfect
Give it time and you'll start to see who's worth and who's worthless
****
My bad I lost my methods of being a gentleman
Swear mama would **** me
Don't take my emotional bars as a way to say you know the real me
Cause the real me is with those I was with back when I could get a quarter
The ones who would sell a few nickels and sip liquor like water
I feel like people always testing my progression
Tell me I'm doing well but still await my regression
X the only one who know how I deal with the pressure
Take my kindness for weakness and ya will feel my aggression
Haven't felt this fruitful since pac was here spitting lessons
"Only God can judge me" and slowly awaiting his blessings.
I remember being part of it all
I remember when I sat there hoping daddy would call
I remember seeing all my old friends start to randomly fall off
I remember walking with my headphones on and feeling so lost
Butter knife thoughts that could cut the cord
Are these malnourished feelings worth nurturing anymore?
If you had a million, tell me what could you afford?
Throw a couple singles to a broken woman just fix ya mood when ya bored
Think about
Where have you been?
Money don't buy happiness but I'll take the down payment
Building up my ego with Lincoln,
Grant and Franklin.
Talking that **** but still keep the mind so humble
Life is a marathon you bound to slip up and stumble
It's the recovery can you pick back up?
Just know when you give your all it may never be enough.
There is a difference between us and it's starting to show
Ive see you change outta no where and lose sight of the flow
You used to tell the real, the best stories and keep it a buck
No a days it's a whole lot of talking and you not giving a ****
But who am I to judge
I'll probably lost sight of the vision
Selective views from the top
On a success tunnel vision
Talk a lot but know none of it's safe
I got a few spots in this track that could quickly put you in your place
Mixed reviews like the boy drake
Tell me they want the crown but have no idea what it takes
This confused generation with they heads stuck in the wrong
You only know how to put in the work when all else goes wrong

"Now it's hussle time"

But imma close this out with shots no chaser
Every woman who's givin up Imma shout you out quick and thank ya
To those who couldn't stay in the car when I told you this was a long ride
Ya the same that'll come out when you see me in time
Motivation from some of the fam but I'll leave that for thought
Just know I'm thinking in way that's so far gone and my mind is meant to be lost.
Skilled with this pen the ink represents my direction
Left the past, started doing right, fell behind but never stopped moving forward...
Cause...
This here my direct message.

- gone

Tell me have you ever opened your eyes...
Seen the hit coming...?
Where are you now? Where did you hide?
Are you still running?
Running away from me?
Telling yourself "you need to go".
Your heart still beats for me
But your mind is letting go.
It's in the air
The feeling of us
Both trying to move on but we can't adjust
You lie in bed and close your eyes
You still feel the emotion just give it time
As we watch the clock tic on you and I
Think the seconds turned to minutes but I realized
That I've been working so hard, putting in overtime
But does that mean I'll be having you over time?
Maybe I'm being naive, controlled, silly and enslaved
You opened up my soul but left my chances in the cage
You told me it was all perfect, now this was all a mistake?
Her confused mind leads to uncertainty, forcing herself to leave converts possibilities to a sure heartbreak.

Now I'm sitting here thinking all day long
The topic of conversation and it feels so wrong
Because you ain't doing the same and are so far gone
So afraid of the past that our future is done.
We all know the grass ain't greener on the other side
Thinking another man is holding what should be mine...(echoes out)

(alarm clock)

****... This all wasn't a dream
It still doesn't make sense...
Why'd this have to happen to me?
Why didn't I look...before making that turn?
You know what they say in life?
You're greatest mistakes is what helps you learn
Never regret what made you smile
Never live with regret...
Life is a feeling process...
And I feel the becoming of my best.

Look I know girls love Rihanna,
Have an attitude like Nicki
Woke up like Beyoncé
Then hit the gram in they Vickis
These days it's hard to meet women
All have a problem with commitment
Too busy touching another mans pigment
Thinking it's love but it's figment...
I'm scared to let somebody in on this
No new friends
Ohh, oh oh
You know how this all goes
Late night sexting on the phone
Independent but hates being alone
A new man every night
The type of behavior that she cannot condone

Hold on,

Girl, Talk to me, talk to me
Those sweet nothings help me listen
Look at her body coming close
Temptation breaks her resistances
Look at her, what is she missing?
She's missing slow morning kisses
Mh
A man who finds her favorite position
Mh
Then goes deep with her permission
Yeah
Hm
Say my name, say my name
Those other women were practice
Hop up on me and take action
Those thighs are fantastic
Kiss my lips with your disaster...
Make my heart beat faster...
Then whisper to me after...
Tell me how you love, love our traction
I mean attraction
Baby, Are we just acting?
Cause this the ****** of your movie
Let it slow play, and just take action
She starts biting and scratching
Breath hesitating as she's gasping
She's screaming and tells me to lunge
I'm moving in sync with the music
She said she's ready to come,
Come all the way back down
Her body was so high and numb
Cause she's addicted to the pleasure
And in love with the fun...

The fun of losing her mind in the ectasy of a moment
Where pretty girls claim that their picky but puts it down to any man with roses
I'm not saying that I'm right
I'm not saying that I'm wrong
I'm just saying you're queen girl
Treat yourself like one
If *** was a weapon it would go right for the heart
It would manipulate the brain
It would be a fatal scare
So, I Know girls love Rihanna
And wanna body like Nicki
I'm just saying make a man earn it
Don't give it up just so quickly
Keep your morals held strong
And your respect held high
Stop messing around with these boys
When your heart needs maturity
And soul needs a good guy.

~love~

(Guilty Reminiscing)

POP
This bottle should do the trick,
Holding my nose tightly as I swim into this.
Thinking of all the moments that created who I am
Wondering if I can finally talk to you through this pen...
These walls are caving me, these chains are straining me
Give me all your love but understand there is no change in me
A leopards spots never change and my mind is so insane
"I Hate you" "I Hate you"
Every past woman looks at me to blame.
Where have I gone? Where do I stay?
Is the inability to be with one woman all part of my dooms day?
To play with a tarnished heart and simply forget a name
To say your "one of a kind" to every girl the same
I'm not a dog but I'm constantly on a short lease
And tell men to practice but never practice what I preach
HYPOCRITE!!
yes. Yes. I'm a hypocrite
But these are internal emotions that I'm dealing with
Cut my heart
Watch it bleed
I beg you girl
Just trust in me
The past is *****
Let's both make it clean
I see so much in you
Do you see anything in me?

(Dozing off)
(Her POV through spiritual thinking)

"She can't take the way I stare at her face and wishes she could understand why the love I show is fake as she stands up to speak but loses her breath and forgets her place, her place inside my heart where it's cold like graveyard stakes. She shakes and shakes as she steps slowly with caution and refuses to give her devotion as she slips into my soul and drowns in her tears of lost emotions. Terrified to repeat what it is lousy men seek...a stranded, lonely heart that savage men so reap. She stares into my eyes and softly starts to speak..."

But Silence.

(Falls asleep)

Baby, I can't hear you...
Come to me...walk to me...sing to me...talk to me!
I believe in you
Have faith in me.
I'll be right here
I'll change my ways
I'll cut off my ego
Release my chains
Watch a love grow
Nurture and care
We've both been hurt
Shall we compare?
My past still speaks
Hear it over my shoulder
All those memories
Promise are over.
Let's ring the bell
See you in a dress
Hand in hand
Chest to chest

I'm sorry.

Please forgive...

Life is nothing
Without you to live
Let's take our time
Watch things go slow
Throw up our affection
Look as it glows
Trickles down
Down to your nose

I'm sorry baby..

(Wakes up)

This was all an illusion
She made up her mind
Here is my conclusion
Be careful with actions
Re-RIGHT your wrongs
Because one day you'll wake up
And it'll all be gone.
I write this to you.
Not a poem nor song
I'm just writing to you
...

Because it's been so long.

Hope you're well.