you dream,
you hope

10w heartbreak, heart-hate,
death

you dream,
you hope

broken dreams,
night time poetry:

'time you dream.

I Feel like
$100 in the pocket of a gambling loser
Drunk at a casino
9AM.

And Two Something's are playing
Tug-o-war with
my heart-strings
Nostalgic summer flings, bye bye
Goodbye young kings

I Feel like no one ever
Discovered fire in my life & it's still Dark in here
A dark, drunk destiny?
"Please not me"

$100 can go far -
But I'm anxious.
There's always that dwindling thought that
There's a diabolical grand hand
Reaching down from above in malice.
And like The Rapture, or an alien abduction,
Being taken.

I put the pens
the
"holiday"
flavored jujube's
and a jug of milk
onto the
conveyor

apparently at this time
that's odd.

I live & love in a truly ugly
horrifying place

Hapless in my routines
going about blithely,
doing normal, human
things
In a truly ugly
horrifying place













.

I live in the dark.
No -
Not Me
But I.

I'm what
You don't
Admit in daylight
Because I'm
Under the floorboards

I won't decay
Like the other 32 boys
I'll remain
Vengeful.

I went hunting with my dad once
Around August or September
I was younger but old enough to remember

Windhowls of the deep forests
Sounded like owls everywhere
Straying from our camper - I didn't dare

It didn't take long
   It was almost too soon
Anticlimactic & too simple to be true

Just planted ontop of the weeds
Just a few feet into the brush
Lay a pile of stuff

Disshevled and unkempt
Motionless and covered in burrs
Save for the sleight of a gust to weave thru its fur

The bones weren't white or polished
The cartoons had misled
It sat there in pieces & browning, instead

Skeletal, like random things tossed together
A velcro roadkill tumbleweed
Dried out and unable to bleed.

My dad told me it was a coyote
   I thought,
There's no way that was a coyote - a coyote?

It's just a pile of stuff

I've been searching these deserts
I've been rummaging through my closet
I've been eating more than usual
I've been spontaneously bursting into laughter
I've been attentive
I've been regularly missing taking my anti-depressants
I've been crying hard all at once (expectedly)
I've been very extremely me

This is okay - this is okay
Thank you life
I'm okay.

I'm at this airport and it's like a chorus
The people go up the ramps
Fly away for 3 days like Horus
The returner's come home now
Waiting families embrace them with love
Jumbo jets zoom outside these giant windows
Visitors, excitedly saunter
Into this new and open place...

And this is okay
Thank you, thank you airport
I'm okay.

We've got nothing to do &
Nowhere to go

It's a quiet late afternoon
An orange ambient sky
+ you & I

Under the oak tree in
My family's ranch

Coming from toxic homes and
Chemical airs and dying American dreams

Coming from crying-baby apartments
And alcohol-bottle floors

Both laying down here thinking we
Hadn't had a fair chance

Until we found each other.

And as the sun sinks into the land
Our shade spreads out everywhere

And as the cars create a muffled roar
Just past the tree-line,
I think,

"Maybe one day we'll be
Anywhere but here"

I just sat there
And
Kept on sitting 
Staring at the tombstone
Kept on sitting
Half-life; newly alone
I just sat there 
Because
I had nothing left to do
Without you.

It takes me back
as I sift thru years

of collected basement junk
a rainbow milk hurricane
thru time
I jump into the vortex
emitted from my dust-bound
N64

an old tv I used for video games
sits in a corner by
boxes of board games
& VHS tapes my dad bought me

memories like shoelaces
now untied, I trip on them
an evanescent trip.
The things in the vortex are
warped by time
blended from real things
into memory cards

memories like bodies
decaying
in the basement

memories like apparitions
diaphanous & ethereal
but always somewhere in that dark

it's a trip that I'm used to
it takes me
*back

An innocence is within you
If you believe to care

The porcine
The polluted
The users
The diluted.

Don't waste your pearls

sat in your driver's passenger seat
your dad's porsche
I thought it was cool

a little drunk after a night in Royal Oak
we're on the freeway now
little lights from this mini Tokyo
illuminate and flirt with the car interior

they flash on your face

some Rihanna song on the ipod radio
cars and cars and cars drive by
I look at your face. I look down at my shoes on the floormat

*Maybe we'll get stuck in traffic

We have engendered   them.

Our   babies.
Our annelids. 
Facsimiles of Us.
A gushing warm viscous  fluid
And  a conglomerate of meat
From the womb pods of our hive
Rush out into your  oxygen.
Our mass will grow indeed.
And,
Our perfect mitosis will repeat -
More beautiful
Babies.
Our perfect mitosis will repeat -
More beautiful
Babies.
8 become 16; 16 become 32
You (solo)
Must know by now; no  doubt
Individuality is a cold, broken loop
An anachronism of a bygone era

Pass through  Our membrane , insect.
And be born infinitely back through it.
We will have you spread-out in our warmth
Under our skins; apart of our million-chambered heart

Join Us.

It's a lot like the feeling
One of those times
When he'd not text me
Or call me back for a few days
Except,
This time lasts a lot longer

Like a breakup
Except,
Neither one of us specified a
breaking point

I don't want to move on though
'cause
that means I did it without you

And we do everything together.
We go everywhere together
I'll go anywhere with you

And the clouds in your eyes
The sun in your smile
Your meteorite soul
You've got me forever.

I'm writing a story
It's like a Disney flick
With a princess and all

The princess is beautiful
& kind
And  sings
But
She finds an ancient gem
Full of power and wealth
It acts on her dreams
Colluding with reality
Trick-or-treat

Later
She finds herself in peril
she's stalked
By 1 million mirrors
Parroting her every move
Lurking around every corner

They catch-up with the princess
Ghastly clouded    mirrors
Hovering + being
There.

Stalked by 1 million mirrors

Until they are
Upon her

tented World of Bubbles and
critters, monkey-wild,
the slant-
off,
the fathoms of a depth,
of Worlds whose histories end
in a fraction of what nature does do.

Amola mola, designator
a bulb of light dangling down to the nauticals,
the bubble armoured polyps.
The lively cesspool of micro-seamounts, where,
once there stood strong
a sea-green zoo,
now vaguely stands a mineral vestige.
Gaia shut off the vent
everyone goes away.

visited by wraiths --
These black lampreys, hooded and veiled,
clustering, cloistering,
the successors who
they and they only
the new deepsea robbers.

now a lighter sinking feeling,
the demigod sinks hitherto like nature does do.
a giant ***** whale dies above
Casting its shadow of hope

and the wraiths appear in the umbra
pushing & shoving for a spot
food arrives with a thud;
a castle of whale bones as their home
they were never so happy.

so crazily, thoughtlessly food-driven
deepsea "things"
swish-swash swish-swash goes the weird fish circus,
and then, crazily so
upon their trophy, the mirror wraiths,
of a bubbled World
feed in frenzy.

lost my heart in the circular realm
when I think of anything it sounds
like a drugged up
contradiction, that never was and never will
it's like I'm Dead.
In this vacuum presumed
Dead.

who I know , who I knew
the people that helped me grow,
are never recycled as new.
I keep writing these lines of my poetry mind
that to everyone else looks twisted and lied
like my mind is corrupt and they knew all along exactly
what's up.
What I know for sure is that nothing is for sure
But someone's said that before,
so I guess I'm a fake
unless I discover something new,
something blue, something old,
nothing at all,
it's absurd
it's fool's gold
it's an unreality
from the line of a sonnet
written on a vanishing moon.

it's like I'm Dead.

My dead ancestors have taken up all
the juice for my parade.
I'm left a charade; a skit;
half-hearted & unfit

it's like I'm Dead.
My obsessions say it all
You know the reasons
the buzzes
and the contrite liaisons.
You knew
all along
the undead song sang
to the soldiers
whose lives are ****** war zones

You know my cellophane
you've seen it televised live from every side,
and on every dead celebrity whose tragedy was pied.

Buried in 'maybe'
A throbbing heart toils for a throbbing mind,
Heart beating on its cage of rib -
It's only a matter of time

Ready to bust out of that joint
Make a run for it and
Breakaway

Worked like a slave,
Your blood-pumping knave
Tired, shifty-eyed & opaque

Make no mistake:
It'll burst straight thru your chest
Go running off right before your dead eyes
And you'll never see it again.

no novocaine, no experience
the nurse on break
tells me to "wait right there."
the big lights above the pleather chair
my pale skin illuminated and glowing
under rays of white white light -
and I'm tied down like a
banded submissive
to a blacker than black chair

it's only me and invisible monsters
in a game of
cat mouse tick tock
tick tock

sweating, I realize I must move
there's no other option for this lab rat
I feel like
All I've ever been, is here -
sprawled out in the open
hand choked of blood and oxygen

I cannot take this
   I cannot take this!

Something in my mind turns off
Something in my mind turns on

I chew the soft parts away easiest
it slides in my mouth
my teeth are cold and wet now
Chattering and lurching sounds
come from my mouth & teeth
as the splinters of bone
crackle away in my bite.
It took either a minute or a day
But it was over.

And so,
I left it there
tied to that black chair.

I opened the glass-paneled door with an exit 'bing',
and I was happy I never met the Doctor.

the glass jar
full to the brim; steaming
teaming with drowsiness

he left it
out
lid-less
7 pages ,
front & back
he said he had so much to say
he could've gone on for
biblical lengths
he drove 45 minutes out of his way
just to say
nothing
Only glare

he said he thought about me
for the last 3 days
even more at nighttime
in the dark room
unhinged; TV on
I unfriended him nervously
phonecall
phonecall
phonecall
phonecall
phonecall


voi­cemail

Over the course of my tenure
I've noticed something about
These concrete walls and me.
Something's changed i n m e.

Over the course of these days
It has completely eaten away
My tongue . Cutting a w a y
Neatly and p a i n l e s s l y  .

It even has a personality, I've
Nicknamed him C l e e t i s P.
However, instead of parasiti-
-zing my life. It u p - graded

Me. Replaced that uncouth T
Somewhat enlightened m e  .
Above the soloists -no longer
"I" or "me"; but "us" and "we"

you see self-communality i n
"we". It's slimy-self now fun-
-ctions as o u r newest *****;
A mouthpiece & a voicebox

It lives off of small drops o f
Blood from my tongue-stub
That won't ever, ever c l o t!
My business has a s e c r e t

I t s a y s t o m e                     :
Regardless of  Earthly losses
Give y o u r everything to us
W e are your dearest bosses .

I, I, I
I hated you.
You've been dead a decade.
Frozen & old
6 feet under? O What a joke.
You might as well had been

Killed by Me.
Because I've killed you today
Grey hair and mustache
Black Ford pick-up, rusted and intense
Late at night, late at night
Stomping in, strong hand on the flask
Stomping in like an elephant
Authority rhino
Keep my trap shut.

And hide in my room.
Where I always am
A material boy, starchild
Shrine to the Material World
It's all I've ever known.

I, I -
I have found it hard to **** you dad
Revolving my head
Moon-dad I have given you up to the stars
Holding my blade
That moon is on a leash
A centrifugal satellite; gravity ghost

I,
I must be brave for you.
Slice, 3, 2, 1.
We're free.

Walking at the
A wall is keeping me
I don't see it
It's there,
This is my life
Pixel trees & beautifully rendered
Land-Scapes
Around me
Like I'm on a treadmill
Walking in place
The Country-Side on a screen
Behind me as I fake walk
I want to go further
It’s only a scripting illusion
I’m not really moving
Everything else is

There's blinking arrows
A savepoint to my right
But
I want to go that way

It won't let me
low poly text box reminds
my avatar
you can see it but you can’t have it
turn around to continue gameplay

Everything I ever knew
Bundled in a waft of air
Weaving thru
Branches of the deep forest

Everything she ever knew
Left in a compact she dropped
Buried under
Thin layer of snow in the deep forest

Bright-colored tape stood out to me.

I walked & followed a line of blue tape
Crunching branches and leaf's under my boots
Holding the tape like a stair-rail 
A lifeline.
The opposite hand waving off twigs.

The blue tape ran into a red tape that
Came from another forest corner
I ran into a yellow and a navy blue tape line, too
Soon, tape from everywhere, every color in the mist

The fog of the deep forest seemed to condense and
Flow
Down to wherever these lines led
Hundreds of different tape lines
Used by campers to track their way back
To track their way back.

I held onto this story and followed
All the way into deep forest sanctuary

They all met at this dark spot.
A massive entanglement of rainbow'ed tape
Swaying like a hammock 
Held frozen in the mid-canopy 
A complicated dizzying web; 

I stopped there,
in awe of a feeling I got
                                         someone felt *missing.

I am counting twelve pairs of ribs lining the perimeters
of my torso
Boney Me
Asthenia fingers
Wasted knees and knuckles
Pricking the hard chords on my chest-guitar
Misery eyes -- Dashing around in dustbin sockets
My head like a raisin with skull-shaped framing
****** inward
Looking at the dead animals guilting me
Looking at the withering plants begging for water
Evil food.

Attracted to the mirror
I know only this
Only what I see -- And I see a sow.

Lost in this possibly regrettable movement
Towards
Skeletons
Boney Me
Looking at the evil food
I tell it that I hate it and that it will never be me

I tell it I want to be like the flossy ones on magazines
Thin to skinny to boney
Boney me smoking an e-cig
I defeat the evil foods tonight
Surviving on primal back-up spirits
Surviving for the hope of closeness
Maybe
I can waste away all this skin
And finally see my own heart.

It's coming up from under
Grappling me pulling heartstrings
Yanking me down to

Dance, dance baby!
C'mon lets go crazy, it's our night tonight!
Put your hands in the air
In the air

It's coming up to tear into my guts
I can feel its eyes on me
A scarlet beam of light lined up on my

Throw your hands in the air!
Drank, drank drank drank drank
Pour it up
Ooh c'mon baby

Errybody.
Come and look
Errybody.
It's gettin hot in this club
Errybody.
Grab a body get jumpin'!
Errybody.
Don't stop grindin'

Heavy mechanical breathing
It's so close
I'm

It's got a hold on me
This dancefloor is a romantic dream
Let's keep the party goin'!
Tonight is still livin'
Tonight is still livin'
Tonight

Snarling fangs out now
It's ontop of

I'm 
Watching him stand over there.
He's really glaring now
At 
That mannequin.
Transfixed

Maybe...
When he turns his head
To look away
I'll rush like a ninja over there
Knock the dummy out
And substitute myself
There

If I'm good, he won't notice.
And then his gaze is mine.

drones
wrapped up in the expansive botnet
of this black facility
prone to
repeat all of last week's protocol
in sequence
and without passion
(the big guy enforces it all)

I'm bored

eye-scanner rejects me twice
fingerprint authentication
prove who I am
beat that proof into the day
a cup of Joe at lunch
half crop-circles under these eyes
yet
you'll still hear me say

I'm bored.

the beat goes on, the beat goes on
the singsong klak-ing of
whatever whatever
a beautiful voice comes over the speakers
ironic
she's the only one talking
and it's a pamphlet talk
about where we all already work.

I'm bored.

Sir/madam genderfluid, xe calls to me
****** heart bricked like a dead battery
news of fear hits xis soul
like an update from mom on your pornhub roll
we're all #1 now there's not much to dread
when good and God are everything including dead

Xe responds defensively to this misty accusation
a biracial silver tongue dry in xis mouth
shame brought to the soy-powered community,
Eye forgot, again, that unity isn't really unity
spoke the wrong hashviolence which proves xheir point -
off with its head & burn down the whole joint.

I could listen to this shiny song
as many times as I wanted
here, at 4am, 
imagining you were here listening in some
onlooking crowd of fanatical people
thinking out loud what I'm singing
hearing what I mean through the lyrics and
believing.
make you make me believe it.

But it wouldn't matter.
you don't know me 
and
I'll just go
to bed now.

somehow liars are always ugly
I don't know how the universe does this
but **** am I right

you may not notice
(the pointy beak, acne and cancer moles)
but if you really really focus

somehow I'm right

not on a lvl
with the rest of animals
(offended I'm sure)
an echo of prejudice

flailing on deck; fishnets, I guess,
are a sort of
birthmark

Lil Kim got her face done
that's how
you can tell she's rich

only richfolk do that
right before
they dive back into the sea

"I'a Dagon"

We were so different
It was amazing we even bothered with one another

He was solid gold & tailored
A Rothschild's son
Might as well have been -

I was romantic.
Somehow we found love
Like we stumbled into the lost library of Alexandria
"Not supposed to happen"
Read a disclaimer under us

We didn't read it.

But sometimes
One summer is fleeting
One summer is unplanned
And 'we' didn't fit into his / my future
I always forget finales anyway,

But it was real
I swear on my life it was

I couldn't tell you why
This man is here
Or his purpose -

I couldn't tell you why
I am here
Or my purpose -

But March is cold & unforgiving
and mean
and map-less
and my world has Tommy gun fists
and I'm it's ******* son
I felt tied down & freakish

I wanted to get away so badly

and he had this fast car.

the title is meant to be ironic
enough to draw the attention
of the easily offended and
dramatic internet users
who happen to cross this
poem.

it's ironic because 'Gay' & 'Bible'
usually come in contention;
words unfit to modify the other
a neon g-string preist is odd
but it ain't necessarily
so.

I explained this.

A sign of the times,
It's my crisis
I'll exist if I want to.

Sometimes I
I just don't want to do
The things I have to -

My heart's pinned to the sheets
I feel like
I feel 1000 rocks ontop of me

So I
I'll just stay here in bed
Staring up

Finding patterns on the walls
Maybe my heartbeat
Will clear itself up

An old tombstone
slinking off into the lake behind it
The tiny graveyard
forgotten by everyone who knew the plots
Forgotten by time
Forgotten by the city
Forgotten behind forestry
Reclaimed by nature

The right corner shattered
Erasing her last name forever
Now 'Cynthia Fe-'

Her swimming tombstone in the back
Reaching to the waters
The calm waves splash against it
I bet she was a swimmer.

"Gone but not forgotten"
Sounds like sarcastic graffiti

But can you be forgotten by everyone
And not lost?

"a mecha bug
impossibly small
beady compound eye
cute little botfl  y  antennae
recording Me

sleepyhead
as I lay down
in my bed
embedding its little body
in my dreamcloud that's
above my head
in my   bed

all my prayers + wishes
all my luck gifts from God
the robo-pede
uploads it's buzz code

And the scheiße repeats
tonight then tomorrow,
1 then 2,
2night then 2morrow
one then two

.

...the tides swoop upon and siege the beaches
seafoam tickles my toes
***** shuttle back to their
Mother Ocean
pink clouds are entitled to this sundown
and they form like milk puddles on the horizon
and then I face it,
in these soft conditions,
I love you
reaching over to you
tiny electrical signals from my soul
jump across space and touch your hand
and, a warm
glow emits.

He had a gold tooth
Right in front

I thought;
A hideous feature
Worse though
Was his aroma -
Certain death & ****
& Liquor.

He screeched some babble at me
I didn't understand
And he got angrier.
'What does this ***
Want from me?'

Unlocked my car
I got in
Slammed the door
Lock.

His index finger
Pointing at me as I drove away

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

New birthdays new babi es
Marriages are graduations:
Promotions for bachelors & bacheloerettes

A new morning gone
I'm moving on, I'm moving on

A death, a crash, a disease
Goodbye Sparky, goodbye

Births followed by deaths followed by
Commercial breaks, cups of coffee and
back to more happy, happy
birthdays.

some days he's gone
some days she's here
some days he's here
some days it's here

but on the days he & she are gone
I don't notice it
I don't feel different
but some people do

you aren't entitled to know
if he's here or gone
you aren't me either way

he's gone here to stay.

By & by
Backwards 
Forwards.

A day of mine (I think)
Goes by. briskly and open.

Seconds of an hour
Haunters grow from them
Wil-o-the-wisps
On a crisp white noon.

The fertilizer is you
Rather
A ghost of you

Still residing
Inside of me (I don't mind really)

This sentient ectoplasm is
Not sad; it's warmth.
Sayonara aspartame
And hello sweet acceptance

Acceptance:

I'm left hazy,
& dreamy.
Your fireflies will go off and on
But;
Everytime you float around
I will look for you.
Everytime.