all I do is wait for your number
all I do is wait for your call
what's the point of even keeping tract now
why do I have any faith at all
when did you stop caring if I called you
when did I start caring that you stopped
now I only fumble through recent contacts
but it never says "missed call"

When I was 6 the Devil spoke to me
told me not to believe all the lies they had told
that nothing was real, not even myself

At 9 I met God
he drove away with my mom in the car
she waved goodbye through the window pane
said she was leaving for a better place

Then at 18 I saw them together
both holding pills of different shapes and sizes
I chose the red one and when I awoke
You stood beside me
said it had all been make believe

So I packed my bags
and drove off in the night
praying to heaven or hell
it was just another night

Mama there's boys in my bed, they won't let me out
I cry and yell but they hold me down tight

Their faces melt together, their bodies grow big
They wrestle and fight, my blood filling their mouths
I lay pinned and fastened
I'm cold and I'm wet

Mama there's holes in my clothes
and I tried and I tried but the tears they still rolled

I stand at the kitchen sink
pull the tiny glass from the cupboard
and make sure no one is looking

I keep my ears alert for footsteps approaching
take the bottle down from behind the coffee cups
pour it quickly
drink it fast with eyes closed

I feel the burn run throughout my throat and chest
clean the glass
put it away

I sit back down
eyes heavy now
brain mushy

Do it again in an hour

my depression's thick and heavy
cold & wet
I run towards mountains
the cold air slapping my cheeks
& freezing my lungs
their white tops gleaming in the distance
-catch me if you can-

I want the years back
they took when I was young
make them disappear
walk away from those sociopath lovers

I stop running
there's a part in the trees
stare up & I'm blinded
-Seattle's always sunny-

I write my name in the tree's skin
& it suddenly doesn't look right
you write yours next to it
draw a heart around them
I smile at you & shake my head yes
pout my lips & say "no"

my eyes open
it's all gone
it's still today & I'm naked in your bed
**-better than any drug-