He said "just friends, good friends."
and i nodded in agreement,
even though i felt the fire spark
in my chest long ago.
They all warned me about you,
and i didn't listen.
How was i suppose to
push the feelings away
when all i can think about was
the traces of your hands all
over me
and the warm feeling i got
when you kissed my shoulders.
It was nearly impossible,
but maybe i should've learned my lesson
when i saw you talking to her
pushed up against the wall
in the middle of a party
at three in the morning.
Maybe i should've learned when you
told me you couldn't possibly
have feelings for anyone,
but told me a few weeks later
she was the one that sparked the fire
in your chest.
You would always choose me second.
I think this is the slowest and most
painful way of killing yourself.
But i shouldn't care,
because he always said
just friends,
even when he got too drunk
and decided he wanted to
be in love for the night.

being older just
I know more dead people
now

When now becomes never
and fists remain clenched
through a heart distance silenced
macerated between fingers
in disconnected chunks of purity

When now becomes never
under the weight
of broken promises
fractured dreams still glimmer
like a sharpened knife in the sun

When now becomes never
days turn decades of disillusion
the tiniest lifeline of hope
slicing through every breath
the cruelest kindness
aspirating the viscous memory of emotion

When now becomes never
the beacon of a smile
fades into the darkness
that always surrounds it

When now becomes never
love lives on behind empty eyes
that hide a soul given
when never was never an option

Much More
your words speak to me
of i love you's and i miss you's

but your eyes speak
of much much
much more


-- Eleanor

Cancer, old devil.
I've shaken my fists at your
Ugly back as

You've laid your
Hands on my loved
Ones.

Cursed your name;
Kicked at your
Shadow. At last you've

Gathered the
Courage to
Face me. I

Suppose you could only
Ignore me for so   
Long.

Come at me with scythe
Raised, I'll stand,  
Broadsword

Drawn.
No shield; double-
Grip-swinging.

I'm ready.
No nurse ever saw
You greeted

With
A smile like
This.

**** the witch
hogtied to this
thin-skinned wagon
packed with privilege
call me wicked
if it makes it easier
view my plight
as one of my own making
I should have done
as I was told

Brand me traitor
as dust obscures
this timeworn scene
I know what it means
to be a whole divided
drawn and quartered
dragged to all four corners
left for buzzards
along the walled
deserted borders

scattered limbs
seeking unity
I reach for what’s mine
only to find
healing hands
too tightly praying
too busy manufacturing
high ground
in this time
of righteousness

Label me other
as I diverge
light the skies
with fireworks red
belt patriot songs
I will not mouth
empty words
to an anthem
I no longer
believe in

when you enter a library
its not just the books
its the shared silence.

I hope that you will smile today
and give yourself a break.
A smile can be great medicine.
It helps when hearts might ache.

Perhaps, if you try hard enough,
the smile becomes a grin.
And when you've worn it long enough,
you'll feel it grow and then...

The grin becomes a chuckle
and it then becomes a laugh.
And everyone will wonder if
you've made a social gaffe.

For laughter is contagious
and it helps to get us through.
Here's hoping that today will bring
some happiness to you.