Lately,
my words have hit the trash can
rather than decorating
the wall of fame.
My mind is on a constant frown,
deeply obsessed with you.
I wanted your life to be perfect,
not flawed with worries
about tomorrow.
I wanted you to reach the height
of unlimited potential.
But lately, I’ve been the one
delaying your deliverance,
creating treason and misery.
Making you less
than you were before.
Lately...
...my words tainted your soul
with disappointment.
Unmade your dreams
and disrupted the prosperity
of your wants.
Young titan - no longer mine,
Letting you go,
unchaining your heart
making you soar...

Equates...
unsurmountable  measures of pain...
...and alcohol.

Diary confessions

you can't help but stare
and stare
and stare
until you hate everything about your face
how many freckles you have
pimples
it can only cover the scars for so long
the insecurities for so long
lips coated in thick red
eyes you coat with liner and eye shadow
face caked with foundation
baked with powder
contoured to the gods
eyebrows on fleek
you slay
sometimes you don't recognize yourself in the mirror
and it makes you happy because you can't imagine living the rest of your life looking you without make-up.
will you ever love you?
you, without the makeup?

I was always worst in the morning.
Burnt out hungover and in need of something to eat and a few strong aspirin.

The phone. rang and its normal intrusion always gave me the knee **** reaction to smash it into the wall.

But being i couldnt afford to live let alone replace **** i answred it instead.

Collect call from Austin will you accept the charges the operater asked ?

In her mock happiness from sitting in one spot listening to people for which she probaly held as much regard as i did.

I didnt need to ask from who only trouble and bill collectors call me in the morning.
Usally the bill collectors dont call collect.

I excepted .

What is it Cheryl?

The timid voice came through as she always did whenever she wanted something.

Hi baby how are you?
I'm sorry i had to call you this way i know it costs .

Don't sweat it I wont pay the bill anyways .

I hated phones and pretty much wasnt a fan of human contact altogether.
Well minus certain ocassions .

So what you need kid?

You always have been a blunt person.

Have to be when it cost me by the second sugar.

I wanna come home baby.

Yeah thought you left me to go home.
What happend didnt go to the right home?

Please Jack I need to be back with you this time apart made me realize just how much i truly cant be without you.

It had been over two weeks since Cheryl had packed her **** and had me drop her off at the bus station .
She just took her bags turned away and walked out of my life.

She was a pure ***** maybe thats  why i liked her so much .

I hit the bottle and she hit the highway bound to the state she called home to the life she claimed to have thrown away for me .

That last fight had been a glorious shouting match I usally took.the sarcastic smart *** route but i had enough of her ******* and lies .

I was a ******* but least i was a honest one.

Jack please i'm coming home either way.

I took the last of my money to buy this bus ticket .

Yeah so why call me if your coming back anyways?

I knew full well why she was returning.
Cheryl was the type that required far to much maintance for anyone to handle let alone people who werent getting something in return.

Baby i just wanted you to know i ****** up I cant live without you im coming home to you.

I paused for a moment thought about that perfect body and the nights it layed against me in the calm of a harsh summer night.

I thought of the nonstop chaos .
The fights she was a woman of great passion maybe thats why she was so good in bed .

I was hungover like hell lonley but i would heal the strong ones always do.

Baby are you there ?

Yeah well thanks for the warning sweetheart .
I said as i simply hung up the phone and unplugged it from the wall.

Yeah i needed alot of things.
A new liver ,Maybe a job that didnt drive me insane .
A good bottle maybe a meal inbetween.

I needed more than a few things .
But a hurricane of emotional horse **** i did not .

I took four asprin and returned to bed to sleep it off

It was silent in the room dark and empty.
It was the most peace i had known in a very long time.

It was what I needed.

Ego was stripped from skin
in layers until the trail of tears
was no longer visible to the blind
eye

Monks chant in the distance
as souls dance to the melancholy;
strength of the limb is tested
...wearing Sunday's best

Frayed rope is placed on ivory
rough against the delicate truth
only to be choked before it could be heard

Lover be ******; pained eyes meet
the noose being tightened by hands
that once cupped the breast of the Mother
...betrayal found in man's milk

Foundation is kicked away in one swift
motion; crushing the pathway of life
swaying with eyes wide open

Ego killed the delicate that day
a day of broken promises; dreams
forever became a lie, the lie truth

Delicate is still here in the shadows
swaying between trees in an eternal
dance in Sunday's dress
...waiting for the neck to fully break

Haunting Ego's chance~

What do you think of yourself? Late at night when your makeup has been cleaned off, when your insecurities are more easy to notice?
Do you feel that you can do anything?
Do you feel ok about who you are?
Do you see someone else late at night? When no one is around and you don't have to hide yourself anymore.
Are you pretty enough without your face being painted?
I know it's a struggle dear to not show who you are.
I know you feel you cannot do anything.
I know you beat yourself up inside.
You see someone who is broken and flawed.
The make-up is a mask, a cover up to hide the pain you feel inside.
I want you to know, that I see who you are.
Don't hide behind make-up.
Wipe it off, show your pimples and scars.
Darling be who you are when you have no make-up at night.
Be who you are when you smile in the mirror alone, before people's thought invade your mind.
Because I will love you, no matter who you are.
I will love you, without make-up and masks.