I get cold sweats when I think about leaving you
I try to cope with the rush of emotion
The jumble of sadness and frustration and anger
I struggle for a moment when the thought crosses my mind
Comprehending our goodbye is impossible
Not being with you is unfathomable
I just thank you for giving me your music
And therefore your soul
Whenever I listen to the same songs that have fluttered in your ears and swirled around your head
I can feel you close to me
A piece of you is near
And it becomes easier to stand not being next to you on our sleeping bag under the stars
It makes it so that this quilt on my bed is enough to keep me warm
At least for the time being
doors half open,
hearts almost out of love.
We used to talk of how
we used to be infinite.
But now every second now feels
like a stroke against an unforgiving current.
Our conversations broke
as the flaws of our souls
fell through the cracks of this glass foundation.
These upset words that escaped you
left the air around me a little sad,
a little awake,
and with a lot of echoes.
My lungs went empty
talking you down.
I left the door open for you.
So you can walk in
and slip in quietly-
I won't say a word.
And this heart could never go empty,
at this point,
I know not.
Flowers never lost their color
as long as you walked this earth.
Only fools rush in
But I don't believe
I don't believe
I could still fall in love with you
I will love you till I die
And I will love you all the time
So please put your sweet hand in mine
And float in space and drift in time
All the time until I die
We'll float in space, just you and I
All I want in life's
a little bit of love to take the pain away.
This song is beautiful and it plays in my head.
It makes me happy.
So dark, so very dark
but I hear a voice
and I can feel a breeze
but I don't know where I am
all I know is that I'm alone surrounded by people
I can hear people calling my name
Since I lost my sight nothing is the same
I didn't just lose my vision, I lost so much more
I will never get to live my childhood dream
It's hard to only see one color for the rest of time
no color, just
Someone very close to me
I do not like this phase of a heart break.
When you purposely avoid love songs,
Or sometimes you play them just to make yourself feel like your hearts still pounding.
When the person you loved and hid from every waking soul is brought into a conversation.
Or when he isn't.
When you see other lovers who have made it years without the cruel hand of fate ripping their love from them.
Or when you see they haven't.
When you notice him writing you smaller, casual messages when they use to be breathtaking and beautiful.
Or when he doesn't write at all.
When I ask you if I am pushing you away and you say no.
"Alright, happy birthday! Text me later tonight?"
When every hidden goodbye ends with those two words. And my broken, belittled heart.
Please don't do this.
I. Can't. Lose. You.
There is a silence that binds,
and a type of silence that frees the soul.
Be a lover of silence
that leads to purity of heart.
An inner silence that leads
to a deep freedom in a chaotic world.
A silence birthed out of a chosen solitude
that helps me connect to life.
My heart contains an inner chamber,
where silence is cultivated,
so I can walk free no matter where I am.
A silence that contains serenity and peace
like the hush that fell the world,
when death lead to resurrection.
Written while reading Thomas Merton's Contemplative Prayer.
My mind is in a state of panic,
My world just turned psychedelic
Like all is lost in pure confusion
It's like my mind is in delusion.
Now, all I see is black and white,
All I hear are moans and cries
I come to ask myself, oh why?
but all I say are stupid lies.
This might sound crazy, yes it might
but I have no choice, I wonder why.
I might be in love with someone I despise
'cause all she says are beautiful lies.
sadness and emptiness are two different things
emptiness is absence of feeling, and sadness is pain
emptiness is the feeling of no feeling at all,
sadness is the crippling enabler that makes you feel small
sadness has a cure, or so it seems
emptiness, however, is a very unsolvable thing
Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed
As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin
At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow
I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong
I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend
I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light
I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place
Thank you for breaking me
And making me
A better me
Thank you for hurting me
And making me
A stronger me
Thank you for shooting me
And making me
Thank you for burning me
And making me
This is an older poem. Things have changed since then. But this poem is highly relative to a lot of people and I liked it well enough so I posted it.
She will lose herself in a book
and find herself in poetry
She thinks that religion is a sacrilege
and that long showers are sacred
She makes love when she's tired
and never tires of making love
She is irreverent in her humor
and pious in her gravity
She is diligent in completing her work
and ambitious of her quest for leisure
She is the personification of romanticism
and the embodiment of compassion
She exists harmoniously in my mind
nobody warns you about the first boy who tells you he wants to marry you.
nobody warns you about the tangible shift in the universe when he parts his lips to smile.
nobody warns you about the poetry he'll write you or how your knees will weaken or the melancholy hidden between the layers of his laughter.
nobody warns you that miles will morph into lightyears and you will curse the ocean for being the only thing that keeps his fingers from resting between yours.
nobody warns you about the day his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.
nobody warns you that human hands are incapable of holding a person together.
nobody warns you that sometimes love is not enough, no matter how much you wish it was.
nobody warns you about the crippling nostalgia that renders you breathless.
nobody warns you about the nights when silence screams for your blood.
nobody warns you about the crater that forms in your chest in the middle of the night when he doesn't answer.
nobody warns you about how it's going to feel when he tells you he's in love with someone else.
nobody warns you that forever is a lie.
When you ask of me, why poetry
I'm not sure you understand
That it's the center of my universe
The very depth of who I am
The molecules in the air I breath
Oxygen pulsing through the veins
The storm brewing beneath the surface
The pounding of the rain
It's the timeless anticipation
Of the thought that's yet to come
The tearing open of life's seam
The beating of the drum
The first peak of the desert flower
When it feels the gentle touch of spring
The smile in the eyes of a child
And all the joy it brings
The in and out of the tide
In the pulling of the waves
When you ask of me, why poetry
What more is there to say