ever since you, I haven't been okay
the way you used to whisper in my ear
the way you used to tell me you loved me
the way you smiled at me
the way you drank your coffee
the way you walked away
the way you told me "I just don't feel the same"
ever since you, I haven't been okay.

Feels like a curse,
Its as irritating as an empty purse
When broke!
Guess its a reminder that the brain needs new stock,
Wish it could come easy,
And the thing is;its never there when occupied or busy,
Its felt when bored and unoccupied,
But hey its a topic worth writing about; guess I've tried.

His body grounds me...
I was an alternating current
with a frayed wire
Sputtering... sparking...
Misfiring...
Alone and flickering in quiet desperation...
Then he drew me in with his hands
Held me tightly, pulling me close...
Inviting me into his Center
Insulating my circuits from the heat of their own charge,
Reigniting those cold, dead connections...
Redirecting, realigning
Aeons of my dissipated energies.
I become more, now, than some
Reckless, erratic sunburst...
Snapping and flaring on the mere surface of things...
A loving so strong it makes me re-enter the belly of the beast,
He and I, we become the pulse...
Folding ourselves into the warm, primitive heart of God...
Selflessness... Sacrifice...
Joy, Radiance... Gratitude...
I find all these things here.
And everything false just quietly disappears.

What's the point
In wasting time and wasting ink
When I can't verbalise the thoughts I think?

That night with you,
I learned the secret of it all.
The secret of love and how to fall.

In case you wonder
How you ever will know,
Spend time in silence and love should grow.

For we shared a glance,
A glance that pitifully pleaded.
And with that we knew that no words were needed.

I'm pretty sure
I will pass through Earth
As just another lonely girl
Unwanted and unloved
But still thriving

I am a lost puppy
Searching for a forever home
Only to find abusive owners

I am my own disease
It's always been that way
My happiness depends on others

To be loved
To love
Is the only way
I could ever really smile

I have this incessant need
To be someone's

To be held by a man
With a glimmer in his eyes

To feel beautiful

No matter how long I am alone
Whether a day or a year

The loneliness sinks in and eats at me

Without someone to be mine I sit and wallow
The racing thoughts increasing by day
The urge for a blade
The pain
The desire to give up
To give in

I lose hope when I am alone
Hope for a future

I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know how to fight this

I just wish I knew how to be happy
Without needing someone else

But that will never be me

Never.

I am my own disease

It spreads like wildfire

My veins burst

My skin bruises

My insides begin to die

I am my own disease

You are the cure

So far and out of reach

I will die

Before ever even getting close.