Indeed, I thank you
For giving me some hope
By sharing your love so true
For injecting me the wisdom of the pope

Tried, but mostly I've failed
The exam was too difficult
Dark thoughts seem to me, was heavily nailed
To optimism, I am just an insult

So why? why back again?
Mostly because the wisdom of the dark is truer
I'm sorry, it’s really hard to begin
Believing in a myth was much bluer

I hope you'll understand such situation like this
This insanity in my head
Why I need to blow your sweet perfect kiss
And choose the bitter lips of pessimism instead

So here I am now
Singing the same depressed song
I know I won't received any bow
But I'm home, back where I belong....


written: January 29, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Depressed Mode
Mysterious Aries

Friends can comfort you
Cheer for you all the way
But the truth is
At the end of the day,
You only have yourself

I'm sorry you have to feel this way
I'm sorry if I can't do anything
I'm sorry if this will be just another poem
I'm sorry if your life had been just a sad song

Never being genuinely happy
Is the price for intelligence

I smile for the camera,
For my friends,
For the people who matter,
And sometimes
Even those who don't.

I act like i'm alright
That I live a blissful life
Even when inside i'm dying
And unhappy as hell

This constant battle
That's eating me up alive
Is a fight for freedom
That can never be won
A mind inside my mind
With a war of it's own

I will always be alone
I know,
I will always be alone
And one day I will be forgotten
But the pain will never end

I've turned a blind eye
For so I long i've tried to deny
But now I can no longer hide
My life is doomed
And I have to say goodbye
To the bright future I've always dreamed about
To the good things I always thought I'd have
My dreams are ruined
And I could've have blamed my parents
Instead I'll just blame myself

Every little trouble keeps me up at night
Even the littlest difficulty makes me worry,
Every inch of step back lessens my already exhausted faith,
Even the slightest of pain makes me want to quit.
I don't know why
But i'm so ******* weak.

It's almost been two weeks
and it's safe to say that if clocks didn't exist
this would feel more like two years

I sleep on the left side of the bed
just in case you decide to come back
in the middle of the night
I close the front door behind me but I
always leave it unlocked
incase you need to let yourself in
I keep the key to my heart under
the doormat of my soul
You step on it
and I say thank you
I keep all my belongings in my pockets
leaving my hands free for the off chance
that you come up behind me
and reach for one

You cracked open my chest asking
for your heart back
and I handed you the hammer
You didn't even say thank you,
you must have forgotten your manners
somewhere along the way;
somewhere between loving me and becoming enemies

I can't seem to sleep without you singing
me goodnight
The memories race through my mind like
an old tape that only plays on repeat,
I can't decide if it's broken or not.

You were good at fixing things
with your hands,
all hammers and nails and tape measures,
I wonder how long we'd have to pull
on either end before you gave up
and let go

I tell myself it's all just temporary insanity.
That one day you'll come back to me
with a red tool box in your hand ready
to fix the ******* mess you've made
It's a little like trying to treat
a stab wound
with a bandaid

It's a little like telling myself
that you still love me,
because pretending is easier
than facing the truth
and the truth is that
we haven't spoken in months;
the right side of my bed stays cold;
my hands are always empty;
and the front door never opened
again.

The worst thing in the world
you can do
is hurt a child...  
What hurts more
than being kept away
from someone you love?