On nights like this
I think of you.
Only of you.
Nothing else.

On nights like this
I imagine of you and me.
Being together.
Alone.

On nights like this
I try to get you in my dreams.
Where we lay together at the beach.
Alone, just you and me.

But even in my dreams
are you trying to flee.
You are running away.
Not because you don't love me.
No.

On nights like this
I wanna catch up with you.
Only you.
But however.
You are afraid to show love.
Too afraid to commit to only me..

Seeing the shinning star,
From rabbit's gaze.
Thinking about the scar,
From the memory haze.

Had every thing planned,
Before you ruined me.
Had every thing in hand,
Before you took me.

Life I lived for so long,
I displeased my soul.
Life I lived was so wrong,
I thought was whole.

Destiny plays with my scars,
Pushing me ahead my past.
Empty hand I stare the stars,
Seeing dark sky so vast.

Grip of my hand was so loose,
That it slipped from hand.
Love that never came any use,
Left, giving me a new land.

Happy was she,
never knew can feel.
Paid a good fee,
pain that never heel.

Night were fight,
that left her apart.
Days were delight,
that staked her heart.

Happy was she,
after making a run.
Paid a good fee,
now had left none.

Beauty was gift,
got many to follow.
Could beauty shift,
which left her hollow.

Happy was she,
by starting new life.
Paid a good fee,
by walking on knife.

Memories and scars,
body had them all,
Many nights behind bars,
her fear were that tall.

Happy was she,
never gave up hope.
Paid a good fee,
never trying to stop.

My heart
Is a happy drunk
A little too open
A little too optimistic
It's over in the corner of the bar
Playing poker
Screaming at the top of it's lungs
I'M ALL IN
When it's never
To this day
Had a winning hand

My heart
Is a sad drunk
A little too lonely
A little too caught up in tears
It's over at the counter
Forcing the bartender to take its keys
Because it would rather not go home
Than go home alone again

My heart
Is a reckless drunk
A little too unbalanced
A little too impaired
It's over by the door
Making everyone nervous
A little too good at scaring people away
A little too far gone

Like you
A little too far gone
Turn your head
Shuffle away and pretend you don't notice
The breakdown of a heart
Too drunk on feelings
To know when to stop

I'd like an explanation please,
If you wouldn't care to take the time
Tell me why I drink so much
And feel life isn't worth a dime

Please, take just a few seconds
Realise I'm sending out a plea
I'll pay you for your time,
If you'll just listen to me

Understand my whispers
Are really hidden screams
Reality is so visceral
But nightmares replaced my dreams

Tears have turned to blood
In the ocean they drown
No matter the number of prayers
My soul remains hell bound

Please explain this darkness
Why the sun will never shine
And why it is that I give
But no heart will ever be mine

Can you sit with me a moment
And not see the ugly I hide
Just speak of smiles and truth
Could you kindly abide?

And when the sun passes
over this weeping tree
When the dark of night takes over
Could you just maybe remember me?

Who knows what stops the heart of a song
I take note

of tiny thud—
robin in the wheel well of my car

the limp head
of a cat’s prey

sigh of wings
defrocked by power lines

baby starling’s fledgling flight
falling short of a pond’s edge

The slate morsel unearthed
by the tines of my rake

…and the world is vacant for a moment

Grief ***** a womb of air
but how it lives— I cannot say
Upended creature of us

Stops the throbs that herald life

oh! l loved you
loved you like a love.

oh! I loved you
love is never love.

oh! l knew love
love that never do's.

but took the road to destruction,
making everything clear.
clear was everything in reason,
but never took it in consideration.

lying was what did day to day,
everyday living for change.
change was what wanted gray,
but wanted thing's were never in range.

happiness was what me wanted to have,
a thing that never had arrived.
arrival of yours was fresh air,
but departure had me heart halves.

I want to hide in a place
that makes me feel comfortable
under the bluest waves,
isn't so sufferable.
What's hidden beneath them,
is the most stunning
these colors and beings
could never send me running.
With my eyes wide open,
I'd float forever
face down,
I'd sink into deeper waters.

Snakes no longer hiss anymore
They greet you with a smile
and call you by your first name.
They say they love you and
They congratulate your successes
They hand you tissues while you cry
And if you're real unlucky...
the biggest snakes you've met
Are family

Tending a field of sinsemilla
With a bluebird cardinal chorus
A happ- happy guitar picking sun
above us  
A singing stream ,
Mr. Porker in his overalls ,
Mr. Goat in his denim jeans
A blue heron at the well
Whistling Sunflowers covering the Port dale
Purple bud in a basket , cool earth
'neath bare feet , Randy Rooster working
the hashish , chickadees crooning in the
tickled trees* ...

Ingredients:

suitcases
photo albums
quick wit
a  new space that is comfortable to breathe in, raise other beings in, and nurture pets and your spirit in.
Sprinklings of humor to shake on it all when it gets to be too much. Mason jars of self-appreciation and worth to open in an emergency, if these qualities are forgotten and old patterns resurrected.

Preparation:

First, sit quietly with yourself.
Breathe deeply, as many times as you need.
Fill as many soul cups as you can with confidence,
and pour them on yourself, until they sink into the
soapstone of your pores.

If needed, tip back your head and open your mouth,
in order to have a more direct inflow.
After that, take just as many cups of calm
and pour them in, slowly and with generosity.
It is okay if you overflow; you may need extra serenity
later, when you are in the midst of action.

Let the two ingredients mix, slowly, until colors as yet unnamed
are formed in your solar plexus, spilling
throughout the entirety
of your body.

Take a break and blow bubbles, for lightness.
Yes, you may laugh like a loon.

Marinade:*

After the laughter has subsided, take a big dose of self- love and rub it all over yourself, drizzled like fine coconut-scented oil. Do not miss a spot, even on the parts that you have a problem with. In fact, give those extra love.
And now, for the rub*: This has been simmering for a while. It is time to push it all into the oven and bake it. The heat is rising, so be quick.
Take all precious memories and sew them into the pockets of your coat. The ugly ones, burn, quickly and thoroughly. Scatter the ashes into the wind.
Hang new pictures on the wall.  Splashes of nature you have photographed. Mandalas created by a precious daughter. A platypus wishing you goodnight by your little flower imp. A cheeky photo of your boy, to remind you of inner sauciness.
All of these strengthen with love.

Finally, rest your head upon the new pillow and inhale the scent of freshly laundered springtime. For now, the ordeal of your winter has ended.

Time for a long, languid, luxurious dessert.
A new life!

Bon appetite!