Y’know that moment.
When the air leaves your lungs
That split second of deprivation
That instance in which your body,
Stills in anticipation
For a sweet, delicious, drink of air.
And in that very instance,
You are unwittingly knocked out of homeostasis.
The very nerves within your lungs cry out.
Your muscles tense, and for a millisecond everything freezes.
The world becomes still.
The wind no longer blows, the clouds halt,
The stars watch and the universe trembles.
The noise finally becomes silent
Your agonies and pains evaporate
And you exist in that instance, only you, just you.
So for one moment, just a second, close your eyes
And take in a deep gulp of euphoria
Yes, that’s it.
Breathe.

1.) I never liked how I always felt like I was suffocating under the conviction that you were counting down the days to leaving an equation of your life that included me in the numbers and I never liked how I brushed it off under the false pretense that you were terrible at math.

2.) Every word you said was so lucid and real it felt like putting out a cigarette on my skin after asking for an ashtray a hundred times you're the one who pulled me out of my poetic dream-state so hard that I choked on condensation ice crystals from the clouds below me and now I am tied to the ground like a dog and I miss flying like that.

3.) I tasted her in the way you kissed me since the moment we met and I wanted to lock down every word I told you and erase everything that's been written for you but I didn't say anything because I was scared that I would float away without you.

4.) You came back and expected me to be fourteen and looking for someone to love me so hard that they fix me. Since your absence I had learned the hard way I don't need to be fixed. And even if I did, you would have never made a merciful god.

5.) I could sense the way you wanted control over me like a lion to its prey and feeling like I was being stalked by someone I tried to convince myself I loved was almost as exhausting as pretending I didn't notice.

6.) I was only beautiful on days you were drunk and wanted to outline the shape of my hips and I tried so hard to leave my consciousness in the other room while you never showed the decency to stay after you were finished with me because being used is better than being replaced.

7.) I shared the small things that brightened my heavy rain days with you. You made me feel like I was trying to plug in a nightlight in the middle of the dark.

8.) You devastated me and told me that's what love feels like; I still have moments of panic at sincerity and kind words seem foreign against the misery soaked syllables you broke me down and replaced me with.

9.) You did all of it because you were bored of watching the clock tick and you figured passing the time by ruining me was easier than repenting on the ways you've ruined other sad girls with cold hands.

10.) I was so used to throwing coins in the air hoping they would give me a heads or tail answer if dying would be easier than missing you forever that I didn't even notice when I ran out of money.

there's a peace rising
against the horizon and
it bathes the ground in gold-
and i'm breathing in deep
beside you and the air is
lavender-kissed.

the hurt and the pain
tied to my heart
like a ball and chain.
the scars on my heart
are the initials of your name
you gave me the love
that taught me the pain
now i'll never be the same.

it has been said for ages that a woman
could lead a man willingly to his demise
a song or a dance; a touch or a glance
simple gestures could dumbfound the wise
these have always just been strange stories
tall-tales or faerie-tales, even outright lies
until half a year ago. until the day that I-
became so very lost within her deep blue eyes
                              
it was just a simple look
that's all it took              
my heart missed a beat
then it shook

and in that moment, I finally did realize
how very powerful they can be; a woman's eyes

She is like a tree
Strong yet as you wander
The depths of her soul
She is fragile

She was beautiful
But nobody gave her love
Her rosy cheeks and lips were wasted
Her youth was gone and tainted

He came into her life
and swept her like a raging storm
She fell in love
But he cut her

He cut her
Like any man would cut a tree
And she was never the same again

I can't breathe,
I can't move.
I see nothing but darkness.
That small glimpse of light, is nothing but a blur.
My hands are shaking.
My heart is breaking.
and with that I collapsed,
crying on the bathroom floor.
My throat is closed up and I gasp for air.
I wonder when you'll be here.
I feel  dead, emotionless,
if any emotion, I am just depressed.
I gain eyesight,
and then the ability to breathe.
My hands stop shaking,
but my heart is still racing.
Anxiety has hit me, made me go insane.
and I am oblivious to when it will strike again.

This is the second time now that you have left me.
Abandoned, alone, asking myself why. Why am I such a creep?
Why couldn't I keep you?

This is the second time now that you have hurt me.
Emotionally and physically inflicted pain on my self.
I've relapsed.-
And it's not your fault.

Do I just sit here and cry and drown in my own pathetic pity,
Just to be hauled up again by you telling me I'm pretty.
I shouldn't rely on your compliments to make me happy.
You make me happy.

Avoiding you is the worst thing I can do.
Shut my door and scream "who made me feel this sad?!" And the answer is you.
I don't want it to be you.

We're all fixated on finding the one, but
What if my one has another one?

I remember the second time you played for me,
The piano piece as beautiful as your big blue eyes
That My hobby was to stare into as you talked about nothing,
Hoping that one day we would be something.

How foolish of me to fall in love
With the girl I couldn't go a day without thinking of.

Now all the songs that you play, sound as minor as my brain.
And because I love you so much, no one can take away that pain.

~~
..
When the Beauty I See
In the Land and the Sea
Even the Flowers to be
But not like She

When the Love I See
Within the Flower and Bee
Even in my Heart to be
But not like She

~~
..
@Musfiq us shaleheen