You always watched
us getting off
in the mirror
as if the reflection
did it better than me

Bringing the phrase
“foot in mouth”
a new meaning-
as translucent as I am-
deep down I wished
you could see

A ***** West Virginia girl-
maybe you saw more
than I care to admit
You knew how to
give it to me
like the soulmate
you could never be

It is funny how things,
such as this,
are brought up
at the worst
possible moment.
I find it funny
yet it is nothing
to laugh about.

The way I hurt myself
more
when I am already hurting.
The way I always feel like
I need to settle the score.

I have loved everyone
who has ever hurt me.
You know how they say
it is always someone
you know.

Perhaps I never felt
anything about it
because I brought it on
myself.
I have self-inflicted wounds
from every man
I’ve slept beside.

Not you, my purest
love;
you are who I dreamed
about
as I was drowning in the mud
of my own mistakes.

Maybe I never talked about it
because mean mommy
liked him
and it would’ve been
an embarrassment
for everyone to see it
just the same as me.

And maybe I never
thought about it
out of fear
that it might
actually hurt me-
but that was always the point.

There was never a reason.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter
Like burning ash.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter
Like burning ash
It is too much.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter
Like burning ash
It is too much.
And I am sorry.

Will I be the last leaf?
You are the fire
burning ash
and it is too much
and I am sorry.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?

The here and now
A place in time
The world feels so soft
and open

Fulfilling my wish
A three part kiss
where time stands still
and I seize the moment

On the brink of lust
With each healing touch
And suddenly the world
appears less broken

The here and now
A place in time
Our soft worlds collided
and wide open

I have an awful habit
of always going
where I am needed
and never having
my needs met
until someone
realizes it
and relieves it
A gust of wind
pierces through
my soul
Buttons torn off
and floating
Blouse torn
down the middle
as I walk
into mourning
I own a body
I don’t believe in
If only it could
match my soul’s
experience
I try to age it
by smoking heavily
and then burning
all the evidence
Such lies
always lead to
happiness
and never
severance
I wear my heart
on the outside
like an infant
held in reverence  
simply for surviving

I do it because
it feels good
but I don’t
want to
I use words
to get away
with the ******
of myself
Sometimes
suicide is
the only
answer
In my mind
it will never
end because
it never began
I can’t lie
because
I believe all the
******* I say
If only you
were lucky enough-
I would really
go away
We can hate
anyone who
treats us poorly
but not ourselves
We can ****
ourselves slowly
with alcohol
but not ******
I watch a fight
on a screen
and there’s people
in the audience
The closest man
to the fight
only stops them
sometimes
How does
someone win
with blood
on their hands?
Why even
teach our
children
not to fight?
Why even teach our children not to fight?