My love is like the healing rain in spring
That falls softly to nourish the earth
She refreshes my sad weary spirit
And brings my lonely soul peace and rebirth

My love is like the warm summer sunshine
That caresses the flowers into bloom
She is fire she is alive with passion
Her presence dispels dark from my room

My love is like the wild wind of autumn
A tempest that strips the leaves from the trees
Restless and haunting she walks in my dreams
Always searching I know not what she seeks

Ah but when the chill of winter abides
She will come home then to be by my side

White walls empty walls pure white
Such an infinite blank canvas
Enriched with expectation
Of all that may come to pass

White walls empty walls pure white
A life unlived a life unwritten
In the time of innocence
Before life's hurt has bitten

White walls empty walls pure white
A face unlined a heart unbroken
A heartbeat dancing with joy
The fatal lie still unspoken

White walls empty walls pure white
A hand untouched a hurt undefined
Everything left to play for
No need yet to hit rewind

White walls empty walls pure white
Fingers unburnt tempted by fire
Scorched seared and blackened
A soul emptied of desire

White walls empty walls pure white
A mind in prison a mind in chains
Lost without an exit sign
In a land where chaos reigns

White walls empty walls pure white
Boundaries of a life unloved
Scarred with the marks of torment
But those walls have never moved

Mine became a life of chaos
Lived on the edge of a knife
Balanced for eternity
Caught between death and life

In the end the fear of living
Burned me to the very core
Without my anaesthetic
I knew I could take no more

There was no fight left in me
I had no heart that I could give
I had no way of surviving
It cost me too much to live

Into a well of silence
I breathed a desperate prayer
Uncertain of an answer
Or who might be out there

As I listened in confusion
The solution came to me
Live a life of honesty
The truth could set me free

So I stepped in the future
I discovered my true worth
And after the death of winter
Came spring my season of rebirth

My music will fill your soul
I will rock you all night long
I will be your melody
I am woman I am song

I will take you by the hand
I will be your second chance
Ever moving ever changing
I am woman I am dance

I will watch you when you sleep
I will set your mind at ease
I am your serenity
I am woman I am peace

I will keep you in my heart
I will be your safest place
I am your life's blessing
I am woman I am grace

I will help you smile again
I will fix what men destroy
I am all your happiness
I am woman I am joy

I will catch and hold your heart
I am what you're dreaming of
I will stand by you a lifetime
I am woman I am love

I am steadfast I am kind
I will not let love grow cold
More precious than red rubies
I am woman I am gold

I will dry the tears you cry
I will go to any lengths
To shield you from life's fury
I am woman I am strength

I am alive with passion
I will be your heart's desire
I will light your darkness
I am woman I am fire

I will never lie to you
Whether life is rough or smooth
Because honesty is freedom
I am woman I am truth

I will be your nourishment
I will be your loving wife
I will bear you children
I am woman I am life

I will never stop believing
In you till the end of days
I will nurture your spirit
I am woman I am faith

I will never let you down
I will celebrate your story
Lift you up on wings of hope
I am woman I am glory

I will love you as you are
I will embrace your flaws
In this and every lifetime
I am woman I am yours

Once upon a legend
On a day that time forgot
I felt my heart cease beating
And I knew the world had stopped

No wind stirred in the treetops
No more sweet flowers growing
No waves upon the oceans
The rivers were not flowing

The moon lost in the heavens
No place for her to go
Forever left in darkness
No light for the world below

Dawn is never coming here
No new day is being born
The sun will not be rising
Night will not turn into morn

Caught in a painful silence
All earthly life is stilled
The source of this disaster
Is a promise unfulfilled

The promise that you made me
The cruel game you played
The dark truth echoes bleakly
In the heart that you betrayed

In me all your strength lies
The source of your bright power
Come then oh Lord of the Night
Seek me in my tall tower

All your beloved essence
Courses through my veins
In the blackness of my blood
Not a trace of light remains

You drink me like a fine wine
Heady and sweetly perfumed
Swallowing deeply slowly
Until all of me is consumed

Your words echo out to me
Searing silence like a knife
Calling to the dark within
Extinguishing all my life

I give myself completely
Each moment till I grow old
You take all your heart from me
You command my very soul

In me all your strength lies
The source of your bright power
Come then oh Lord of the Night
Seek me in my tall tower

I am the girl in the corner
The one you simply don’t see
Years of perfected camouflage
So you will never notice me

I don’t make any ripples
Wouldn’t dare step out of line
Nobody can hear my voice
I hope that they will sometime

I live in a world of fear
I’m not sure why I’m afraid
I have found inside my head
The place where nightmares are made

A place buried deep within
Filled full of darkness and dread
Breaching the edge of reason
And icy cold like the dead

Visions writhing and ghostly
Fleeting outside of my grasp
Yet returning to haunt me
I breathe pain in a silent gasp

I want to be comfortably numb
All the way down to my core
Not to feel all this heartache
Not to know hurt anymore

Pills and ***** can’t save me
Why can’t you hear when I scream
Desperate depressed and lost
In a land of broken dreams

Lonely days lonelier nights
Staring blankly at the flickering screen
Or simply into a distance
Where nothing but pain awaits

It is not a kind pain
Not the pain of the body that heralds healing
Or reminds me not to do that
Not a brief pain

It is a pain of the soul
A pain so deep and timeless it will never leave me
A pain of the mind
Bringing night terrors and days of torment

How many ways have I tried to fix myself
My broken self my empty heart
My fatal addictions
My distractions from reality

I can't count them all
I could not find a solution
Each failure reinforcing the lie
That next time it will be fine

I surrender to my despair
To my infinite darkness
Waiting in vain for a twin soul
To make a human connection

I thought that I was happy
In the summer of my youth
I had many years of living
Before I could learn my truth

I danced in silent splendour
To expectation's tune
Thinking that I had freedom
And success was coming soon

Hopes I had in plenty
No thought that I could fail
I walked tall and bravely
Along my chosen trail

The sun shone bright upon me
I basked in its light and heat
Growing ever bolder with
No knowledge of defeat

I felt I knew life's fortune
That I'd always play and win
Holding on to my aces
Was that really such a sin

My golden halo shining
Secure in my self belief
Before desperation took it
Sneaked upon me like a thief

I am the warm air of spring
Heralding the time of rebirth
I caress the first shoots of growth
As they poke their way through the earth

I ponder nature’s resilience
As her landscape comes alive
I marvel at her citizens
And their will to survive

I dance over fields and rivers
Whispering to sky and sun
To all the hiding creatures
A new season has begun

I am the zephyr of summer
Come now and heed my call
Blowing sweetly from the west
The kindest wind of them all

Walk with me over hill and dale
Carpeted in joyous colour
Feeling my soft caresses
More tender than any lover

I will kiss your upturned face
Brushing it with rays of sun
Breathing warmth into your bones
Till the sunset says day is done

I am the wild gale of autumn
Stripping the leaves from the trees
Nothing withstands my fury
All bow to my desperate need

I whip the rain into torrents
Pouring water over all beneath
No quarter asked or given
I gift you the dying year’s grief

I move restlessly onwards
My dark tempests taking form
But the harvest is gathered
The bounty safe from my storms

I am the north wind of winter
Bringing the first flakes of snow
Scattering them with abandon
On the gardens and streets below

My blast is icy and chill
Freezing your toes and fingers
Sweeping away the last of the year
Not a single vestige lingers

Time for you to stay indoors
Cosying in front of the fire
Enjoying the comforts of home
Away from my insolent ire

Bottle green and cherry red
Swirling colour in my head
Sunshine yellow sky blue
I live my life in every hue

Dove grey diamond white
Reality begins to bite
Inky black and milky cream
I think I prefer to dream

Vermilion and indigo
No place left for me to go
What sort of colour is cyan
I don’t know how this began

Amethyst and violet
Colour me so I forget
Purple of the lilac tree
Trapped in magenta misery

All this living makes me ill
Pass me another little pill
Rainbow world of medicine
Shuts me up and locks me in

We do not have yesterday
That time has flown quickly by
A random series of moments
Gone in the blink of an eye

Such a pretty collection
Of memories to recall
Captured in dusty images
Hung the length of the hall

Every one is slowly fading
Was that shirt red or blue
Life quietly seeping away
With their diminishing hue

We do not have tomorrow
That is not how this world works
The future is a distant land
Where only the unknown lurks

Nothing but an empty canvas
Waiting without a frame
We paint it with expectation
In some kind of guessing game

There is no map to guide you
To show you the easy way
Just some unspoken promise
We have forgotten to say

We know all we have is now
This time is ours to own
One brief second to make a mark
One brief second then it's gone

Let our hearts beat together
In rhythm with earth and sky
Squeezing the most from today
No regrets we wave it goodbye

Nothing matters but this time
Enjoying the present with you
Until the sun splits the dark
And the world wakens anew

Sometimes the fear of living
Felt to me too much to bear
I was drowning in reality
My suffering seemed unfair

I could not understand it
I replayed every scene
Deep into my dark nightmares
All my ifs and might have beens

I turned over but one question
Where had it all gone wrong
Nothing quite made sense to me
Like some discordant song

The winds of shame were blowing
Carrying autumn leaves of pain
Raining down tears of heartbreak
I made the same mistakes again

Blind to all life's goodness
I discarded happy thoughts
I learned well the lessons
That my misery had taught

Sinking in my addictions
Numbed without control
I could not fight my demons
So I let them take my soul

Write something happy they said
Something uplifting and nice
Don’t write about your depression
Was the sum of their advice

Your moods are way too gloomy
Your anxiety is too stark
How can things be that awful
You have to be wide of the mark

Write something less sad they said
No one wants to share your pain
To feel how badly you’re hurting
Just go take some pills again

Don’t talk about all your grief
Your world full of stress and strife
It’s better to count your blessings
And pretend you have a great life

Write something less mad they said
Your chaos will drive us to drink
Nothing is as bad as it seems
Of course your life doesn’t stink

Keep your crazy in your head
We don’t like the way that you think
Write about glitter and unicorns
Clouds that are fluffy and pink

Write something less dark they said
Demons are not your best friends
Now if you keep on like this
You know where it’s going to end

We don’t want to hear your story
Or understand why you feel this way
We only want to listen
When you have something sweet to say

Well my hands are over my ears
I don’t want you talking at me
I’m alone fighting those demons
In a battle you refuse to see

The struggle is never ending
To be who I am meant to be
But one day I will find my truth
And know what it is to be free

Rich as precious rubies are
The reds of the autumn leaves
Dancing in the kindly breeze
Not yet fallen from the trees

Flaming orange bright as a flame
Burning proudly in the sun
Burnished copper and polished bronze
The new season has begun

Still I see some gorgeous green
The mantle of summer lingers
The light caresses their beauty
With the touch of a lover’s fingers

Yellow as butter fresh from churn
Warm tones of shining gold
Basking in the afternoon heat
As the year grows gently old

I will cherish all the hours
The joy of this autumn day
I will celebrate my harvest
Before the glory turns to grey

I never going to be part of this family
I know that now

I'm not the boy
The one the sun shines out of
He can do no wrong

Even when it's his fault
It's my fault

He will smell of roses
And take it for granted

I'm not the pretty one
The one who can smile
And get what she wants

Even when she messes up
She is the victim

She will be bailed out again
Poor thing

I'm not the sensible one
The one who is practical
And is a good mother

She is so patient
She never shouts

Even when she is selfish
She is only taking care of herself

Where do I fit in?

I'm older than the boy
That's not good enough
I'm prettier than the pretty one
That's not good enough
I'm more sensible than the sensible one
That's not good enough

To say life isn't fair
That's not good enough
Not by a long way

I am judged by my mistakes
But they don't define me
They made me strong
They taught me wisdom

I am loved by a good man
And by my children
That is good enough

If you can't see the difference in me
I don't want to be part of this family

Don't forget me the soldier
I love my country that's true
Here on the world's battlefields
I fought for you I died for you

Don't forget me the sailor
I love my country that's true
Here on the world's oceans
I fought for you I died for you

Don't forget me the pilot
I love my country that's true
Here in the world's heavens
I fought for you I died for you

Don't forget me the mother
I sent my son off to war
He did not come home to me
What is all the fighting for?

We are the politicians
You see us laying our wreaths
We send your loved ones off to war
And too many to their deaths

Why would I drink from a glass
When the bottle is just as good
One of those insane questions
Anyone would if they could

Why would I put the cork back
When there's something left to drink
Yeah I can take another
And I don't care what you think

Why would I have just the one
When two or three is better
It's not like I'm off the rails
Like some crazy jet setter

Why would I want to stop now
When the party has just begun
Hold on for a wild evening
I'm going to have me some fun

Why would I want to go on
When the fun is clearly over
I have left a trail of chaos
Everyone has run for cover

You look at me like I'm nuts
If only you could understand
It's all way out of control
Up there and no place to land

So please let me down gently
From this my jumping off place
I don't want to live like this
With tomorrows I can't face

I need to find an answer
Something to calm my mad head
Won't somebody come save me
Or I'm going to wind up dead

In a winter long ago
A bright star lit up sky
Only a few took notice
Most just walked on by

Minds full of all their worries
Hearts that beat sad and slow
The Lord looked down with kindness
When He sent His son below

There was no choir of angels
He came without any fuss
But a weight of expectation
His destiny to save all of us

He bore His fate so bravely
He suffered in great pain
Which of us remembers that
As December comes again

Do we pay mind to His message
To live a good life in peace
To love and cherish each other
At one with the Earth and seas

Or do we ignore the gift
Of that first Christmas morn
Forgetting that to save our souls
A holy child was born

Baby welcome to the world
Greetings cards in pink or blue
Your life is out there waiting
A gift wrapped just for you

Good luck in your endeavours
Whatever they may be
I hope success comes easy
That’s a wish to you from me

Congratulations sweetheart
You made it there so fast
You deserve the very best
Nail your colours to the mast

Will you be my Valentine
Sealed with a loving kiss
Paused on the brink of happiness
A chance that’s too good to miss

Best wishes you’re engaged now
You have fallen deep in love
The world will give you everything
That you have been dreaming of

Joy on this your wedding day
A time for celebration
The promise of a future
With no cause for consternation

Kind thoughts and deep sympathy
Your family lost forlorn
Cards along the mantelpiece
Your time here has come and gone

Who is that girl in the mirror
The one in the bright red dress
Her mouth says hi I'm feeling fine
Her eyes say my life is a mess

Is it her lipstick that's crooked
Or is it the way that she thinks
There's a world of hurt in her heart
And maybe that's why she drinks

Quickly she picks up her glass
Here's to a night on the town
She puts on her best party smile
Finds where she put her bag down

She will go out for the evening
Have fun with friends for a while
Hiding her pain a bottle
Moping just isn't her style

Maybe some guy will please her
Chase dark thoughts from her head
And she will wake up tomorrow
With some stranger there in her bed

Or maybe she'll fall home alone
Pour herself back through the door
Not hear the voice calling mummy
As she lies in a heap on the floor

She will cry tears in the morning
A sea of self pity and shame
Life has spun out of control
And in no way is SHE to blame

She walks a fine line at the office
A finer one with the school
How many times can she do it
How long can she break every rule

Why did her partner leave her
When they'd been together so long
How could that be her fault
When she had done nothing wrong

She has lost friends and lovers
Each parting cuts like a knife
And now her mother is dying
She simply can't deal with her life

How did it get this crazy
Why can't she just get things right
Why is she haunted by demons
That keep her awake through the night

She still looks for an answer
To a prayer she cannot yet say
She walks so scared and alone
Pushing hope out of her way

She has to find her surrender
To be at that all time low
Where her life cannot be managed
And she truly admits this is so

I pray she holds out her hand
Before chaos breaks her apart
I pray she finds her solution
And true peace reigns in her heart

Her hair cascades inky black
With the sheen of a raven’s wing
Scented with her perfume
Caught up in a golden ring

Her lips the colour of poppies
Such sweet drugged kisses they bring
Spilling a heady enchantment
That makes my whole body sing

What promise is in her eyes
I drown in the depths of blue
The passion is all consuming
Never asking what is true

Low and soft she invites me
A call I cannot refuse
Every time I am near her
My need for her wakes anew

When that voice commands me
I know I have lost control
Caught tight in her silken web
No where left for me to go

All at once I know a fear
Of what I do not quite know
Is she angel or demon
Which side of her will she show

Her eyes hurl sharp shards of ice
Piercing me to my very soul
The fire that burned so fiercely
Leaves but ashes dead and cold

And yet inside of my head
The ghost of her lie lives on
Haunting my heart’s destruction
Long after she has gone

I am the voice that whispers
Words of comfort in the night
Holding back the darkness
Until the dawn brings light

I am the ray of sunshine
That falls softly on your face
Chasing away the sadness
With the warmth of my embrace

I am the glistening raindrop
That washes away your pain
Healing the hurt in your heart
So you can feel whole again

I am the breath of summer wind
Ruffling the locks of your hair
Leaving you gentle kisses
And carrying away your cares

I am the frozen snowflake
As I am you are unique
In our world of silence
We don’t need words to speak

I am the coloured rainbow
Lighting the grey of the sky
Bringing your hope in my wake
To give life one more try

I am the moon at midnight
A shining crescent of silver
Guarding your dreams at nighttime
Today tomorrow forever

I am the earth beneath your feet
Solid and firm as can be
Helping to nourish your roots
So you can grow strong and free

I am the arm that lifts you
When you feel tired and weak
I will be there to guide you
No matter what it is you seek

I am the eye of the storm
Your safest place on the earth
You are my soul my angel
Since the moment of your birth

Can’t you see me please see me
I’m here right in front of you
Look up from what you’re doing
Look straight at me not just through

I’m the girl in the background
I’m the one that you forget
Standing here oh so silent
Why haven’t you noticed yet

Waiting in my special corner
Quieter than a small mouse
Afraid of making a move
To take my place in this house

Fearful of making you angry
I’m anxious to try and please
While your heart can’t love me
My heart can never find peace

Knowing I have no meaning
Buried in a sea of self doubt
I am drowning not waving
Why won’t you just pull me out

Then I slowly seek your eyes
A mirror with no reflection
You turned me into your ghost girl
A lost soul with no direction

Tear down the walls of your guilt
You weren't the one who told lies
He charmed you and deceived you
He came like a wolf in disguise

Tear down the walls of your grief
Yes what he did was a shock
But time can be a great healer
You can not turn back the clock

Tear down the walls of your rage
Don’t let your anger back in
That stuff can drive you crazy
That’s how he thinks he can win

Tear down the walls of your hate
It’s time to learn to forgive
You are only hurting yourself
And that is no way to live

Tear down the walls of your doubt
Try to find some self belief
Take back the self assurance
That he took like a cruel thief

Tear down the walls of your pride
Admit that you made a mistake
After all you’re an adult
And that choice was yours to make

Tear down the walls of your pain
Even though he ground you to dust
Not everyone will betray you
Go find someone you can trust

Tear down the walls of your fear
And look everyone in the face
Find the courage to get out there
The world is a beautiful place

I am the daughter of destiny
I watched your past mistakes
I let all your demons loose
So you might learn and grow
I have shaped your present
Shown you wisdom and strength
I have given you your freedom
Now into the future you go

I am the mother of mourning
I know all your unhappiness
I feel your tiredness and pain
When you hurt my heart bleeds
In this world of harsh reality
I will dry your saddest tears
I will heal your aching wounds
Hold you when you are in need

I am the sister of serenity
I am your light in the dark
The comfort of a quiet dream
Sent to help you rest at ease
I will be your guardian angel
Your protector and your guide
I will send you thoughts of love
So that your soul knows peace

Come answer my call to war
Come fight alongside of me
Fight against cruelty and evil
The seeds of inhumanity

Come answer my call to war
Get the homeless a warm bed
Give them safety and shelter
Before they all wind up dead

Come answer my call to war
Give the poor a way to survive
To live life with some dignity
And not beg to stay alive

Come answer my call to war
Give the addict some support
You don’t know how they hurt
Or the demons they have fought

Come answer my call to war
Keep our children safe and secure
The innocent deserve our love
Their future must be ensured

Come answer my call to war
Bring healing to all the ill
No one should endure such pain
And then be stuck with a bill

Come answer my call to war
Workers should not be enslaved
A living wage some respect
Not driven to an early grave

Come answer my call to war
Save our planet from industry
From those who would destroy it
Are we too blind to see

Come answer my call to war
Come fight alongside of me
Fight for peace and harmony
Fight so we all may be free

Some where my soul was waiting
To become a little girl
In the arms of my angel
I have entered the world

When I have felt joy and pain
Known life at its worst and best
In the arms of my angel
I will take my night's rest

When I have learned wisdom
And have nothing left to prove
In the arms of my angel
I will find laughter and love

When I have seen times of trouble
And yearn for a sweet release
In the arms of my angel
I will seek my heart's peace

When my days here are over
And it's time to say goodbye
In the arms of my angel
I will lay me down to die

Now all earthly toils are done
My sins have been forgiven
On the wings of my angel
My soul will fly to heaven

Conversations for a new age

Mummy what happened to Granny?

She got locked up

But why Mummy?

She wanted to be free

But why Mummy?

She didn’t want to wear a mask

But masks keep us safe Mummy. Good people wear masks. Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wanted to be free. They say she’s dangerous

But why Mummy?

Because she won’t get her vaccination. That’s why they locked her up

But vaccinations keep us safe Mummy. Good people get vaccinations. Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wants to be free. Free to choose. They say she’s dangerous

But why Mummy?

She wants use real money and it’s *****.

But digital currency keeps us safe Mummy. Good people use digital currency.  Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wants to be free. Free to think for herself and not depend on technology. They say she’s dangerous

But why Mummy?

Because she remembers a world where life wasn’t ruled by technology and she was free not to be tracked and monitored. They say she’s dangerous

But Mummy technology keeps us safe. Good people use technology. Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wants to save the planet from pollution. They say she’s dangerous

But Mummy Granny isn’t dangerous. She loves me.

No Granny isn’t dangerous. She wants to be free. She wants everyone to be free to choose and think for themselves. She wants the world to have clean air, earth and water. So they locked her up

Error 404 not found
I don’t know what went wrong
There is no explanation
For why crazy came along

I installed some new software
I thought that was a smart plan
Try to fix the situation
That’s how my downfall began

Press any key no that won’t work
I need a really fast escape
May be control alt delete
Will sort out this mistake

I haven’t got a back up
What you see is what you get
So deal with the disaster
There will be no update yet

Time to make another plan
Once I work out what’s afoot
My system isn’t working
It needs a complete reboot

Think I will ask the help desk
My head has started to spin
Quick hit the return key
Then recovery can begin

Autumn handmaid of summer
Clinging greedily to its green
Unwilling to let go of life
It vies with gold to be seen

Leaves glowing richly in sun
Changing slowly russet red
Or glorious butter yellow
Their beauty turns my head

A soft breeze stirs in the trees
Gently coaxing their wealth away
But there is a reluctance
To let the season have full sway

A carpet of their fallen bounty
Lies strewn here beneath my feet
And now the wind grows wilder
Drowning nature’s last heartbeat

Autumn herald of winter
A ghost in the evening mist
Abandoned and forever lost
Like a lover never kissed

We the faceless and forgotten
Ignored by the powers that be
We lie dying out on the streets
In places no one wants to see

We have no homes left to go to
Sleeping in the doorways of shops
Under cardboard and newspapers
Until we’re moved on by the cops

Politicians don’t want to hear
Or give us the help that we need
They say we’re idle and work shy
There are more deserving to feed

The whole world will walk on by us
Some footsteps are hurried some slow
All though have one thing in common
Unlike us they have somewhere to go

We weren’t always as we are now
Alone desperate and in pain
You don’t want to know what happened
You leave us out here in the rain

The girl with a mental disorder
The lad who’s addicted to ****
The man who cannot stop drinking
Rejected and waiting for death

We once dreamed as maybe you do
Of having a safe secure life
Until cruel fate took control
And instead brought us grief and strife

We are the silent and oppressed
They have stolen away our voices
We have no way to ask for help
We’ve been left without any choices

I wish that I'd been there for you
Through our lost and lonely years
To care for you to nurture you
To softly dry your tears

But that was not what happened
I pushed you out of my way
As I burned all my bridges
Let my pain take full sway

I ignored the silent question
There was nothing I could say
Who would want to understand
The high price I chose to pay

I couldn't look you in the face
See sorrow staring from your eyes
I turned around and ran away
I guess you were not surprised

Hell bent on self destruction
I walked my path alone
I surrendered to my demons
I knew every hope had gone

What had I left to live for
In a world I could not bear
When I begged aloud to die
I believed that no one cared

And yet you did not desert me
You reached out and took my hand
Lead me out into the light
That was not what I had planned

You loved me back to happiness
Taught me what it is to live
To keep heaven in your heart
How much hurt we can forgive

If it takes a thousand lifetimes
I could never make amends
But know I won't stop trying
I will love you till the end

You are so beautiful you break my heart
Your eyes hold the secrets of the universe
Your hair glints with stolen rays of sunshine
Your arms strong and safe are my harbour

Soft and gentle your breath in the air
Caught there momentarily frozen
Before I draw it deep inside of me
Capturing that essence for my own

You go through your life with grace
Each movement a sweet tuneful note
Some short some long every one in time
A symphony created in life's rhythms

On your face my fingers trace my love
Leaving no mark there to be seen
But I know that each tiny caress
Will write my thoughts on your soul

There is no beginning there is no end
How can there be we are timeless
Taken out of the maelstrom of the world
To dwell forever in each other's hearts

Today I am leaving this place
I say goodbye to my pain
Good riddance to all the heartbreak
You will not hurt me again

You used me and abused me
Made me feel lost and small
I’d hide like a frightened child
Now I stand proud and talL

I am never coming back
I pick up my case from the floor
I put on my coat and boots
Then I walk out of the door

I hesitate on the door step
In my hand a silver key
I push it through the letter box
In that second I feel free

The taxi cab is waiting
The driver is patient and kind
As I pause to remember
Just what I am leaving behind

I don’t need your gilded cage
I don’t need your money or stuff
Without love and compassion
Even the world is not enough

I grieve though for our ending
And yes I shed some tears
It was good in the beginning
In those our golden years

It didn’t happen overnight
It took time for the light to dawn
Gradually I understood it
Was time for me to move on

We were both simply too flawed
Nothing so damaged can last
I believe in my new beginning
And put you deep in my past

I turn around and walk away
I feel raindrops soft on my face
Washing out the sadness
Today I am leaving this place

The Ice Queen seated on a throne of iron
Surveys her vast frozen world
The ashes and bones of lost loves
Strewn beneath her ****** feet
Her hands are still her heart stiller
Pierced by the shards of her pain

The bleak wasteland of her now
Dotted with glittering icebergs
That stand blocking her way
Too slippery to climb over
Too big to skirt the edges
Escape becomes a distant dream

The nightmare is unravelling
Her only path is pitted with tiny fissures
Down which her self esteem
Gradually vanishes dissolving into mist
The mist spews silently upward
Cloaking all hope in despair

She sees through eyes of granite
Cold hard devoid of emotion
Tears if she had any left
Form tiny silvered droplets of fear
Unmoving on her pale cheeks
Reminding her of her past

Alone she sits splendidly isolated
Walled off from all the others
Each heavy brick in that wall
Crafted from every hurt experienced
Cemented together with her agony
The burden of her years of mistakes
Mistakes made honestly without malice

The price of trusting too easily
Of the urge to rescue others
Of the urge to please and to be loved
Of bending herself out of shape
To become the square peg
In the empty round hole

Her passion for love and living
Sacrificed long ago at the altar of betrayal
She pays for her passion every day
With the coins of regret and self loathing

Honestly I've been so good
I've waited I don't know how
I've tried to do what I should
But I simply must have it now

I've waited I don't know how
Please I've been really patient
But I simply must have it now
To stop further discontent

Please I've been really patient
I think I deserve my reward
To stop further discontent
Don't let life be this hard

I think I deserve my reward
Honestly I've been so good
Don't let life be this hard
I've tried to do what I should

Hey what's going on in there
What's happening in my brain
Just let me get hold of it
Before it gets lost again

Some days a thought is lonely
And goes rattling round my head
Bouncing in endless circles
Long after it should be dead

Sometimes they come in battalions
Like spies to steal my secrets
Spewing them out to the world
Before I know any regrets

I'd like to feel totally numb
To float above all the pain
To find and press the off switch
To get off this express train

Sliding down into forever
Synapses without a spark
Someone turned off my power
One more beep flatline I'm dark

Nobody fancies the drummer
The lead singer steals all the hearts
There at the front of the stage
In the limelight playing the part

I am the one in the background
Where the spotlight does not shine
Just playing as part of the team
And nobody thinks that I mind

Why on earth would they bother
I am always there trying to please
Around to bail people out
When they are in a tight squeeze

My place is to support and soothe
Iron the differences out
The cog that keeps it all turning
When others scream and shout

Content to take no credit
Even though maybe I should
But I have little confidence
I can not believe I’m that good

Perhaps I learned as a child
That my place was at the back
Not destined for adulation
Or to be leader of the pack

That my opinions were worthless
Others knew much better than me
I buried my hurt deep inside
In a darkness no one could see

But one day the light will find me
Giving my self esteem birth
I will love who I see in the mirror
I will know and celebrate my worth

Nobody fancies the drummer
The lead singer steals all the hearts
There at the front of the stage
In the limelight playing the part

But sometimes it’s worth pausing
To take a much closer look
You may find that a fancy cover
Doesn’t mean you get a great book

This was going to be my summer
The one when I learned to drive
Instead of my independence
I’m praying in fear for my life

This was going to be my summer
When exams were over and done
I was going to celebrate
With my friends and have loads of fun

This was going to be my summer
I was going to start my first job
My new beginning is cancelled
And I feel as if I’ve been robbed

This was going to be my summer
The one when I bought my first home
Now my plan is on hold
I feel so scared and alone  

This was going to be my summer
The one when I married my mate
We wanted a life together
Who knows how long we will wait

This was going to be my summer
To holiday with those I most love
But now I can’t leave my house
Unless I wear a mask and gloves

We have lost the warmth of summer
Its beauty is sad and remote
It’s only a slim consolation
Everyone is in the same boat

For now we are all locked down
Unless the work we do is key
We are trapped in prisons of comfort
Forgetting what it is to be free

We all miss friends and family
The joy they bring to our lives
We pray they are well and happy
That at the end they survive

We all live with shattered dreams
We struggle and feel we can’t cope
We dared to open Pandora’s box
Thank God we also found hope

I am the wild flower
In the wind you see me dance
Uncertain in my blooming
Swayed by life's every chance

I am the restless river
Pure energy in motion
Caressing every riverbank
With unmatched devotion

I am the singing breezes
That haunt the tops of trees
Whispering all your secrets
In the rustling of the leaves

I am the sun-kissed heavens
Alive with hope and light
Each ray sent to remind you
You must not give up the fight

I am the moonlit midnight
With skies of velvet dark
Bringing you sweet comfort
From a day that left its mark

I am the star filled universe
Vast in my endless reach
You will roam in me forever
Learning all I have to teach

I am elemental
I am vital I am strong
I will fill your soul with music
To last a lifetime long

The song of the rising sun
Welcoming the new day
Hopeful anticipation
In notes of pink and grey

The song of the whirling wind
Sometimes heady and wild
Sometimes whispering its tune
With the sweet voice of a child

The song of the soaring sky
Reaching towards the stars
A silver tinted symphony
Played on a thousand guitars

The song of the restless sea
A rhapsody in motion
Waves swirling in rhythm
Stillness but a notion

The song of the joyful earth
Greeting each new season
With a simple melody
Of perfect rhyme and reason

The song of my waiting heart
Not beating quite in time
No harmony in my soul
Until the day you are mine

Held in these grey granite stones
Are the stories of ancient hearts
Their sorrows loves and joys
Their endings and new starts

The babies that were born here
Held in parents loving arms
Wanted nurtured cherished
Kept safe from all life’s harms

Children that grew tall and strong
Who learned what it means to live
Embraced each present moment
And took all that life could give

They found out hearts get broken
That love is often fleeting
But that God sends healing
When life deals you a beating

Nothing is without meaning
To everything a season
Age brings calm and wisdom
An acceptance of God’s reason

Many years have come and gone
What tales these four walls could tell
Of those that have passed through here
And the lives they lived so well

I'm slipping between the cracks
I'm slowly losing the plot
Lost on an unknown highway
In a mind that time forgot

The light has died inside me
It is winter in my soul
Nothing moving nothing living
In a bleak eternal cold

The world inside is lonely
The world outside is tough
Where is help when you need it
I have simply had enough

Only my thoughts for company
As they race around my head
A million shards of heartache
I think I'd be better off dead

I wait in bitter silence
For a message I can't hear
Only empty echoes of
A long forgotten fear

I don't know I got here
And I've stopped asking why
It's too hard to go on living
But I'm too scared to die

Don’t you dare cross the line
What line see here this line
I am warning you nicely
Crossing it isn’t fine

Don’t you take a step further
You are getting far too close
Any more movement this way
You’ll be treading on my toes

Don’t you take any more inches
That suddenly turn into miles
That makes me uncomfortable
My face has lost all its smiles

Don’t you breach the boundary
Or knock a hole in the wall
I built it up for a reason
It’s solid it won’t fall

Don’t you dare cross the line
The one I’ve drawn right here
If you stay on your side
I’ll have nothing to fear

Don’t you take a step further
Move back go on move back
Don’t you get any nearer
I feel like I’m under attack

Don’t you take any more inches
That I am unwilling to give
I will be always unhappy
And that is no way to live

Don’t you breach the boundary
The one I so carefully set
Keeping right back from the edge
I think is my safest bet

Oh dear you crossed the line
That movement was very slick
Well I’ll redraw the boundary
A well learned coping trick

I’ve learned to dance in the rain
To embrace each drop as it falls
Glistening in teardrop perfection
Caressing the windows and walls

I allow my child free rein
As I splash in puddles with glee
Nothing left that holds me back
I am running wild and free

Lightening rips across the sky
Crackling and spitting bright sparks
Silver and gold in confusion
No corner is kept in the dark

The drum beat on the slate rooftops
Echoes the rhythm of my heart
Present only in this moment
I wait for the thunder to start

Once I would have danced all alone
Coveting each inch of my space
But today through the downpour
I catch a brief glimpse of your face

A sudden stillness surrounds me
I have found my eye of the storm
Love weathers the darkness united
Dancing together until dawn

This isn't what I remember
When did your hair turn so grey
How come I didn't notice
That old age had come to stay

This isn't what I remember
When did you grow so tired
You struggle for every breath
Yet still find words that inspire

This isn't what I remember
When did you grow so old
Though your eyes are still smiling
Your skin feels clammy and cold

This isn't what I remember
When did you become so ill
Hooked up to all these machines
Nurses caring with such skill

This isn't what I remember
Not the laughing days of youth
No not the games and stories
At least that is my heart's truth

This isn't what I remember
Somehow our lives grew apart
But even on my darkest days
You were always in my heart

All those happy memories
Life wasn't meant to turn this sad
But you will know as I do
I have always loved you dad

I'm never going to be prom queen
I know that now

That's for the pretty girls
The popular girls
The ones with the golden hair
and the blue eyes

The ones the boys look at
When they laugh
When they sway across
the playground

The girls in the cute clothes
With the cute smiles
That flick their hair
With nonchalant grace

The ones with curves
In the right places
The ones that
don't have to try

They are never alone at break
They don't sit at home
reading books
Or writing poems

They don't cry themselves
to sleep at night
Because some boy
Did not see them today

They don't feel the hurt
Of loving in vain
Of living a lie
Of hating what they see in the mirror

They don't wake each day
Wanting to die
Wanting it to go away
Wanting what will never be

They don't feel that
They get to be prom queen
They shine with ease
Charming the world

I'm never going to be prom queen
But I am going to be me

I wish that I'd been there for you
Through our lost and lonely years
To care for you to love you
To softly dry your tears

But that was not what happened
I pushed you out of my way
As I burned all my bridges
And let pain take full sway

I ignored the silent question
There was nothing I could say
Who would want to understand
The high price I chose to pay

I couldn't look you in the face
See hurt staring from your eyes
I turned around and ran away
I guess you were not surprised

Hell bent on self destruction
I walked my path all alone
I surrendered to my demons
I knew every hope had gone

What had I left to live for
In a world I could not bear
When I begged aloud to die
I believed that no one cared

And yet you did not desert me
You came and held out your hand
Lead me out into the light
That was not what I had planned

You loved me back to happiness
Taught me what it is to live
To keep heaven in your heart
How much we can forgive

If it takes a thousand lifetimes
I could never make amends
But know I won't stop trying
I will love you till the end

I've been bent I've been broken
I've been shaken to the core
I have suffered torment
Until I could take no more

I have screamed out in anger
How could life be so unfair
When I needed comfort
I could find no one who cared

I have cried many bitter tears
Regretted mistakes I made
All the hurt and misery
What a heavy price I paid

I have felt empty inside me
Despairing and chilled to the bone
Cut off from humanity
Surrounded but all alone

I have lain down in darkness
Seeking an end to my pain
Only to wake in horror
When morning came round again

I have crossed the edge of reason
Where only madness waits
On an path of self destruction
That lead slowly to hell's gates

I have walked through the fire
Let the flames consume my strife
I have risen from the ashes
And stepped into a new life