Conversations for a new age

Mummy what happened to Granny?

She got locked up

But why Mummy?

She wanted to be free

But why Mummy?

She didn’t want to wear a mask

But masks keep us safe Mummy. Good people wear masks. Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wanted to be free. They say she’s dangerous

But why Mummy?

Because she won’t get her vaccination. That’s why they locked her up

But vaccinations keep us safe Mummy. Good people get vaccinations. Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wants to be free. Free to choose. They say she’s dangerous

But why Mummy?

She wants use real money and it’s *****.

But digital currency keeps us safe Mummy. Good people use digital currency.  Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wants to be free. Free to think for herself and not depend on technology. They say she’s dangerous

But why Mummy?

Because she remembers a world where life wasn’t ruled by technology and she was free not to be tracked and monitored. They say she’s dangerous

But Mummy technology keeps us safe. Good people use technology. Isn’t Granny good?

Yes Granny is good but she wants to save the planet from pollution. They say she’s dangerous

But Mummy Granny isn’t dangerous. She loves me.

No Granny isn’t dangerous. She wants to be free. She wants everyone to be free to choose and think for themselves. She wants the world to have clean air, earth and water. So they locked her up

Tear down the walls of your guilt
You weren't the one who told lies
He charmed you and deceived you
He came like a wolf in disguise

Tear down the walls of your grief
Yes what he did was a shock
But time can be a great healer
You can not turn back the clock

Tear down the walls of your rage
Don’t let your anger back in
That stuff can drive you crazy
That’s how he thinks he can win

Tear down the walls of your hate
It’s time to learn to forgive
You are only hurting yourself
And that is no way to live

Tear down the walls of your doubt
Try to find some self belief
Take back the self assurance
That he took like a cruel thief

Tear down the walls of your pride
Admit that you made a mistake
After all you’re an adult
And that choice was yours to make

Tear down the walls of your pain
Even though he ground you to dust
Not everyone will betray you
Go find someone you can trust

Tear down the walls of your fear
And look everyone in the face
Find the courage to get out there
The world is a beautiful place

We do not have yesterday
That time has flown quickly by
A random series of moments
Gone in the blink of an eye

Such a pretty collection
Of memories to recall
Captured in dusty images
Hung the length of the hall

Every one is slowly fading
Was that shirt red or blue
Life quietly seeping away
With their diminishing hue

We do not have tomorrow
That is not how this world works
The future is a distant land
Where only the unknown lurks

Nothing but an empty canvas
Waiting without a frame
We paint it with expectation
In some kind of guessing game

There is no map to guide you
To show you the easy way
Just some unspoken promise
We have forgotten to say

We know all we have is now
This time is ours to own
One brief second to make a mark
One brief second then it's gone

Let our hearts beat together
In rhythm with earth and sky
Squeezing the most from today
No regrets we wave it goodbye

Nothing matters but this time
Enjoying the present with you
Until the sun splits the dark
And the world wakens anew

My love is like the healing rain in spring
That falls softly to nourish the earth
She refreshes my sad weary spirit
And brings my lonely soul peace and rebirth

My love is like the warm summer sunshine
That caresses the flowers into bloom
She is fire she is alive with passion
Her presence dispels dark from my room

My love is like the wild wind of autumn
A tempest that strips the leaves from the trees
Restless and haunting she walks in my dreams
Always searching I know not what she seeks

Ah but when the chill of winter abides
She will come home then to be by my side

I am the voice that whispers
Words of comfort in the night
Holding back the darkness
Until the dawn brings light

I am the ray of sunshine
That falls softly on your face
Chasing away the sadness
With the warmth of my embrace

I am the glistening raindrop
That washes away your pain
Healing the hurt in your heart
So you can feel whole again

I am the breath of summer wind
Ruffling the locks of your hair
Leaving you gentle kisses
And carrying away your cares

I am the frozen snowflake
As I am you are unique
In our world of silence
We don’t need words to speak

I am the coloured rainbow
Lighting the grey of the sky
Bringing your hope in my wake
To give life one more try

I am the moon at midnight
A shining crescent of silver
Guarding your dreams at nighttime
Today tomorrow forever

I am the earth beneath your feet
Solid and firm as can be
Helping to nourish your roots
So you can grow strong and free

I am the arm that lifts you
When you feel tired and weak
I will be there to guide you
No matter what it is you seek

I am the eye of the storm
Your safest place on the earth
You are my soul my angel
Since the moment of your birth

Tear down the walls of your guilt
You weren't the one who told lies
He charmed you and deceived you
He came like a wolf in disguise

Tear down the walls of your grief
Yes what he did was a shock
But time can be a great healer
You can not turn back the clock

Tear down the walls of your rage
Don’t let your anger back in
That stuff can drive you crazy
That’s how he thinks he can win

Tear down the walls of your hate
It’s time to learn to forgive
You are only hurting yourself
And that is no way to live

Tear down the walls of your doubt
Try to find some self belief
Take back the self assurance
That he took like a cruel thief

Tear down the walls of your pride
Admit that you made a mistake
After all you’re an adult
And that choice was yours to make

Tear down the walls of your pain
Even though he ground you to dust
Not everyone will betray you
Go find someone you can trust

Tear down the walls of your fear
And look everyone in the face
Find the courage to get out there
The world is a beautiful place

Crazy the world has gone crazy
The boundaries of normality
Pushed back by painful inches
Until the greedy mile is taken
The water has warmed
One degree at a time
To boil the unwary frog

Looking back who knew
That this is where it would end up
Gradual descent down
The ***** of complacency
Ask no questions obedient acceptance
Freedom bargained for
the illusion of safety

Gaslight creeps across the globe
Country to country
Bringing chaos in its wake
Manifestations of fear come
Knocking on door of sanity
No peace for the good
Prey for the wicked

My gaze unyielding
I look without hesitation
Into the reflections
Of my own darkness
Rejecting those demons
That have grown too comfortable
In my head

There be dragons
Lurking in the unknown
Territory uncharted
Set adrift without a roadmap
Look the new normal in the eye
Stare it down with confidence
Reclaim my freedom

Come answer my call to war
Come fight alongside of me
Fight against cruelty and evil
The seeds of inhumanity

Come answer my call to war
Get the homeless a warm bed
Give them safety and shelter
Before they all wind up dead

Come answer my call to war
Give the poor a way to survive
To live life with some dignity
And not beg to stay alive

Come answer my call to war
Give the addict some support
You don’t know how they hurt
Or the demons they have fought

Come answer my call to war
Keep our children safe and secure
The innocent deserve our love
Their future must be ensured

Come answer my call to war
Bring healing to all the ill
No one should endure such pain
And then be stuck with a bill

Come answer my call to war
Workers should not be enslaved
A living wage some respect
Not driven to an early grave

Come answer my call to war
Save our planet from industry
From those who would destroy it
Are we too blind to see

Come answer my call to war
Come fight alongside of me
Fight for peace and harmony
Fight so we all may be free

Imposing double gates
From a time long past
Wrought in iron
To tall sharp points
And intricate curlicues
Black paint peeling
Away in layers
Revealing the grey
Of the metal beneath
Coated with rust
That stains my hand
The colour of old blood
As I push them open
To the sound of hinges
Echoing with a creak through
The cobbled courtyard

Uneven the stones
Beneath my tired feet
Damp and mossy
I tread carefully forward
Into the silence
It crushes me
With the weight of centuries
Tree branches guard chiselled stones
Testaments to the dead
Measures of lives
Well lived on this Earth
Messages of love
Tokens of grief and loss
Fading soon to dust
Where they were laid
But the memories never die

I hesitate briefly gazing upward
At the church
Timeless in its purpose
A crenellated clock tower
Gold hands on black face
Marking the passage of the hours
And once upon a time
Its bell tolled with solemn intent
Inviting all to pray together
Thick solid walls crafted from
Stone hewn from local quarries
Rough once now weathered
Standing the test of the years
Untroubled by change
The desertion to the secular life
Nor yet by men’s wars


Gargoyles captured mid cackle
Cavort near the roof top
Brandishing pitchforks
Grotesque misshapen bodies
Ugly of face and nature
Demons waiting to trap
The unwary sinner
With silken promises
Whispered in dulcet tones
But poised in anticipation of
Leading him down to hell
Down the wide road
Paved with good intentions
Ignoring the narrower path
Down to eternal torment
In the fiery pit

I stand at the door wooden studded
I turn the ring of iron
Opening it slowly inward
Inside pews and pulpit
Carefully carved of dark wood
Worn gently smooth in places
By humans kneeling at their prayers
I kneel down here like those before me
Memorials to the nobility of the Parish
Etched in the stone at my feet
And now sunlight spills softly
Through windows of stained glass
Casting multicoloured shadows
Here in this atmosphere of peace
My fear dissipates
And I feel miracles can happen

The night is serene and still
The moon a crescent sliver
The darkly deep blue sky
Dotted with silvery stars  
Sparkling with icy clarity
Through the closed window

I watch the snow falling
The streetlight reflects ice blue
Twinkling on the fat flakes
As they float feather like
Dancing briefly
Twisting and turning
They are caught by gusts
Of chilly winter wind

The ground is covered now
A coolly smooth surface
Untroubled by human touch
That is yet to come
Foot prints left as boots crunch
Across the frosty expanse

But they are not the first
To break that pristine beauty
Little clawed bird hops
Followed by cat paw prints
Somewhere red will stain the white
Somewhere there is an ending

Here too an end must come
An end to the old year
I wait to hear the midnight bells
That will mark this passage
Between two years
The old and the new

Last year you were still with me
This year you are gone
I feel that pain the pain of loss
I feel my tears salty and warm
Trickling down my cheeks
And I see my heart bleeding
Leaving its own red stain
On the mists of time

Parties there are plenty
Singing of Auld Lang Syne
Glasses raised to cheer in
The start of a new year
A new beginning
A slate wiped clean
The promise that is hope
That this year will the the one
Where all dreams come true

I began the old year with you
I begin the new one without you
I hear an echo from past years
Will this be my new beginning
Will my dreams all come true
Out in the dark may be my answer
Floating with the snowflakes
And sparkling with the stars

Sometimes the fear of living
Felt to me too much to bear
I was drowning in reality
My suffering seemed unfair

I could not understand it
I replayed every scene
Deep into my dark nightmares
All my ifs and might have beens

I turned over but one question
Where had it all gone wrong
Nothing quite made sense to me
Like some discordant song

The winds of shame were blowing
Carrying autumn leaves of pain
Raining down tears of heartbreak
I made the same mistakes again

Blind to all life's goodness
I discarded happy thoughts
I learned well the lessons
That my misery had taught

Sinking in my addictions
Numbed without control
I could not fight my demons
So I let them take my soul

Cold it’s so cold out here outside
In the atmosphere of icy isolation
The exile an inevitable consequence
Of a life built on dishonesty
Each tiny falling snowflake
A reminder of past mistakes
I catch them as they drift downwards
If only the memories would melt as easily
Icicles poised to pierce the lie
If I should dare to utter it
In a brazen moment of self denial
Of the life of deceit I have been living
Body shaking world shaking
Shivering denizen of nightmare
Thin layers of reality no protection
Against the demons stalking my sanity
Along these deserted alleyways
Claws ready to shred my soul
Exposing the rotten core to the chill
Feasting gluttonously on the fear
Never to be sated
It will never be enough

Light there is light up ahead
Seeping out onto the street
Frosty cobblestones sparkling
Reflecting back the starry points
A rainbow concealing a *** of hope
That spills out into the mist
What stops me from picking up that hope
And tucking it into my coat pocket
Safely stowed for the future
Precious protection from my misery
Windows with opaque glass
Divided by dark leaded lines
Tall imposing red brick walls
Patterned with black beams
A wooden door studded with wrought iron
Invite me to share the comforting warmth within
But my frozen hand cannot turn the handle
An alien stranger vacuum sealed
Trapped in a foggy miasma of pain
Unable yet to grasp her freedom
Cut off from a happiness
She does not yet desire or deserve

Bottle green and cherry red
Swirling colour in my head
Sunshine yellow sky blue
I live my life in every hue

Dove grey diamond white
Reality begins to bite
Inky black and milky cream
I think I prefer to dream

Vermilion and indigo
No place left for me to go
What sort of colour is cyan
I don’t know how this began

Amethyst and violet
Colour me so I forget
Purple of the lilac tree
Trapped in magenta misery

All this living makes me ill
Pass me another little pill
Rainbow world of medicine
Shuts me up and locks me in

How hard it is to let you go
Though I sense that it is time
I have to stop pretending
That it’s going to be fine

I want for you to wake up
To smile with us and laugh
To tell us all your stories
To share jokes with the staff

My mind drifts back to happy days
As I sit here by your side
The times we spent together
How we laughed and how we cried

I remember what you taught me
To hold my head up high
To be the best that I can be
To look the world in the eye

You have been my refuge
When life caused me to frown
You were always there for me
You never let me down

I can’t bear for you to leave
Now the hour has come to part
I’m not sure I can bear the pain
That I know will break my heart

But I feel deep down inside me
That your soul seeks it release
And now that your God has called you
You will know eternal peace

This isn't what I remember
When did your hair turn so grey
How come I didn't notice
That old age had come to stay

This isn't what I remember
When did you grow so tired
You struggle for every breath
Yet still find words that inspire

This isn't what I remember
When did you grow so old
Though your eyes are still smiling
Your skin feels clammy and cold

This isn't what I remember
When did you become so ill
Hooked up to all these machines
Nurses caring with such skill

This isn't what I remember
Not the laughing days of youth
No not the games and stories
At least that is my heart's truth

This isn't what I remember
Somehow our lives grew apart
But even on my darkest days
You were always in my heart

All those happy memories
Life wasn't meant to turn this sad
But you will know as I do
I have always loved you dad

Twisted on the point of your knife
Bleeding from the gaping wound
Pouring out all I have to give you
Still you crush me into the ground

You burnt a hole through my heart
Consuming everything of me
Killing all hope of happy endings
I forget what it is to be free

Cut to ribbons inside and out
The scars on show for all to see
Yet because I did this to myself
I dare not ask for sympathy

Adrift on a sea of endless hate
I hate myself for accepting you
I hate you for your gift of pain
I hate this life nothing here is true

My soul is more dead than alive
Empty of all significance
I find my way to a private Hell
And now with the Devil I dance

Dust clouds puff up from beneath my feet
As I trudge the road towards my destiny
Into the future long and straight
Beyond all horizons it stretches
No room to deviate from the path
One false step invites the abyss
My heart is heavy my body weary
My bored mind chases the tumbleweed

Wait what is that distant sound on the wind
Music bright and cheerful leaping notes
Mingling with the song of laughing voices
Light spills out spreading joy on the stone
A sparking trail of golden breadcrumbs
Luring the tired traveller inwards
With the promise of the instant gratification
Of every whim known to man

The door swings open at my touch
I clutch eagerly at the outstretched hand
That twirls me into an enthralling dance
The charming stranger with flashing eyes
And an enchanting smile pulls me to him
The music ever louder ever wilder
Mesmerises me catching me in its web
I am lost in the dream drunk on the thrill

A patchwork chaos of images
Flickers in front of my shifting gaze
My feet cannot keep time to his melody
His demands exceed my human frame
Is there fire in those eyes horns on that head
The dance floor begins to dissolve in flame
Smoke drizzles upwards to cloud my vision
With one desperate snap I break his hold

I awake to a misty grey dawn
My body slumped stiff and sore
On the icy cold paving stones
But I lift my head to greet the day
Grateful for the breath in my lungs
The tears on my cheeks
The freedom in my heart
The solid road beneath me

A close escape a disaster averted
A lesson marked and learned
If you choose to dance with the devil
You will surely wind up in hell

Time does not stand still
Ever moving ever changing
Sweeping some of us forward
Onward into what is future
Breathless with excitement
The unknown what will be
Beckons with a moving hand
That slides silently across
The face of anticipation
Perhaps leaving others behind
Fixed in the static past
Never again to push through
The barrier of transformation
To find freedom or release
The opaque veil drawn across
In an ultimate finality
The sand in the hourglass
Slips through the waist like gap
Grain follows grain a steady flow
Measuring the moments
Between that which was
And that which has become
A process of translation
Decoding the events of the past
Transmuting them into wisdom
A journey linear in experience
But made cyclical in its intent
By each lonely repetition
Caught in the gap
Between old and new
Frozen balanced on the precipice
Too afraid to pull back
Too afraid to move on
My soul asks why but there is no answer
To the question echoing silently
Across the vast chasm
Desperation reverberates
I stare into the abyss
Sensing it waits to claim me
I have reached the jumping off point
I defy the abyss and reach out
Grasping the hand of hope
Allowing it to guide me
As the wheel turns once again

I walk in the land of the ******
Over hot coals burning with fire
A black hearted witch my mother
A hell spawned demon my sire

I whisper in unkind melodies
Friends and families to divide
Causing a lifetime of conflict
I walk invisible by your side

I steal into the dark corners
Of minds sleeping unaware
Planting the seeds of nightmares
Of stress of worry of care

I tell the suffering addict
That just one more will be fine
Pushing without any mercy
Until they cross that last line

I lead the depressed and grieving
Down into the depths of hell
They beg for the hurting to end
To hear death’s final knell

I pause by the ill and the dying
To give them false hope of release
Knowing that in their last moments
I will steal from them any peace

Yes my eyes will tear your soul
Carving it up into shreds
My bile fills each tiny breach
Till the poison invades your head

But to name me is to know me
To give you a demon to fight
To claim back your soul and reason
The name you call me is Spite

Her hair cascades inky black
With the sheen of a raven’s wing
Scented with her perfume
Caught up in a golden ring

Her lips the colour of poppies
Such sweet drugged kisses they bring
Spilling a heady enchantment
That makes my whole body sing

What promise is in her eyes
I drown in the depths of blue
The passion is all consuming
Never asking what is true

Low and soft she invites me
A call I cannot refuse
Every time I am near her
My need for her wakes anew

When that voice commands me
I know I have lost control
Caught tight in her silken web
No where left for me to go

All at once I know a fear
Of what I do not quite know
Is she angel or demon
Which side of her will she show

Her eyes hurl sharp shards of ice
Piercing me to my very soul
The fire that burned so fiercely
Leaves but ashes dead and cold

And yet inside of my head
The ghost of her lie lives on
Haunting my heart’s destruction
Long after she has gone

My body is growing cold
My blood thickens in my veins
My heart is no longer beating
I have taken my last breath
My brief span in this moment is complete
This human vessel of flesh and bone
Has served out its earthly purpose
The passage of linear time has taken its toll
Old now and weary of living
An existence weighed down with pain
It is ready at last to be returned
To the universe that gave it life
As each atom slowly dissipates
My mortal soul is translated
Poured into the dish of immortality
Sharing the sum of my experience
Spinning spiralling singing
Reunited with the choir of the spheres
Part of a greater whole
Reshaped and remade into a new energy
So until the cycle of life begins again
Do not mourn my passing
For I am always with you
I am in the leaf you catch in your hand
In the snowflake that melts on your face
In the wind that ruffles your hair
Till the instant I am chosen to be a new life
Reborn anywhen in the time stream

I am the wild flower
In the wind you see me dance
Uncertain in my blooming
Swayed by life's every chance

I am the restless river
Pure energy in motion
Caressing every riverbank
With unmatched devotion

I am the singing breezes
That haunt the tops of trees
Whispering all your secrets
In the rustling of the leaves

I am the sun-kissed heavens
Alive with hope and light
Each ray sent to remind you
You must not give up the fight

I am the moonlit midnight
With skies of velvet dark
Bringing you sweet comfort
From a day that left its mark

I am the star filled universe
Vast in my endless reach
You will roam in me forever
Learning all I have to teach

I am elemental
I am vital I am strong
I will fill your soul with music
To last a lifetime long

Error 404 not found
I don’t know what went wrong
There is no explanation
For why crazy came along

I installed some new software
I thought that was a smart plan
Try to fix the situation
That’s how my downfall began

Press any key no that won’t work
I need a really fast escape
May be control alt delete
Will sort out this mistake

I haven’t got a back up
What you see is what you get
So deal with the disaster
There will be no update yet

Time to make another plan
Once I work out what’s afoot
My system isn’t working
It needs a complete reboot

Think I will ask the help desk
My head has started to spin
Quick hit the return key
Then recovery can begin

We the faceless and forgotten
Ignored by the powers that be
We lie dying out on the streets
In places no one wants to see

We have no homes left to go to
Sleeping in the doorways of shops
Under cardboard and newspapers
Until we’re moved on by the cops

Politicians don’t want to hear
Or give us the help that we need
They say we’re idle and work shy
There are more deserving to feed

The whole world will walk on by us
Some footsteps are hurried some slow
All though have one thing in common
Unlike us they have somewhere to go

We weren’t always as we are now
Alone desperate and in pain
You don’t want to know what happened
You leave us out here in the rain

The girl with a mental disorder
The lad who’s addicted to ****
The man who cannot stop drinking
Rejected and waiting for death

We once dreamed as maybe you do
Of having a safe secure life
Until cruel fate took control
And instead brought us grief and strife

We are the silent and oppressed
They have stolen away our voices
We have no way to ask for help
We’ve been left without any choices

Standing on the bridge of forever
Caught between future and past
In one brief moment of stillness
Wondering how long it can last

The dying echo of footsteps
The distance between here and there
Measuring out infinity
Though I think I no longer care

Once I dared to reach for the moon
I believed it within my grasp
Pride earned me my fall from grace
I hurtled down in a painful gasp

I looked up to the stars above me
As I felt my despair set in
The landing a sharp agony
The reward for my life of sin

I am staring out over the edge
To the mysteries swirling below
My question thrown into the depths
An answer I’d rather not know

I strain to hear even a whisper
Back to my desperate prayer
Some sign I am not forgotten
That someone is listening out there

How many ways could this go
Balanced here not knowing my fate
Do I drown in the fires of hell
Or can I unlock heaven’s gate

I can sense a soft scented breeze
A downbeat of angels wings
My moment is one of redemption
And deep inside I feel my soul sing

Hey what's going on in there
What's happening in my brain
Just let me get hold of it
Before it gets lost again

Some days a thought is lonely
And goes rattling round my head
Bouncing in endless circles
Long after it should be dead

Sometimes they come in battalions
Like spies to steal my secrets
Spewing them out to the world
Before I know any regrets

I'd like to feel totally numb
To float above all the pain
To find and press the off switch
To get off this express train

Sliding down into forever
Synapses without a spark
Someone turned off my power
One more beep flatline I'm dark

Time is but a random collection of moments
Scattered across the vastness of the universe
Brilliant motes of cosmic dust dance
Rippling in time to the music of the spheres
The delicate touch of mortal memory
Stitching the tiny sparkling particles together
To create the tapestry of the past and future
The past we leave behind but do not reject
For it has taught us how to transform
The future an unknown territory
For spiritual souls in human bodies
All we truly have is now this instant
The present the gift of the universe
Time to be to ground to grow strong
Breathe it in slowly take it to your heart
Let it embrace you with peace and serenity
Let the light surround you and protect you
From the darkness creeping abroad in our world
The spite that whispers in hidden corners
A bilious susurration of winged demons
The evil that would steal your freedom
Break your spirit force your compliance
Bind you with chains of fear and hatred
Until your vibration is lowered and you fail
Your wings broken your light dimmed
Take courage for that is not your future
The great awakening is becoming
Likeminded souls are channelling light
Drawing energy from distant planes
To bring love and healing to our own
Never forget that you are a child of the universe
You are the light in the darkness
You are the wellspring of hope
You are compassion and forgiveness
And while you exist only in the present
You are the future just as you have been the past
So unfurl your wings and fly free

I am the daughter of destiny
I watched your past mistakes
I let all your demons loose
So you might learn and grow
I have shaped your present
Shown you wisdom and strength
I have given you your freedom
Now into the future you go

I am the mother of mourning
I know all your unhappiness
I feel your tiredness and pain
When you hurt my heart bleeds
In this world of harsh reality
I will dry your saddest tears
I will heal your aching wounds
Hold you when you are in need

I am the sister of serenity
I am your light in the dark
The comfort of a quiet dream
Sent to help you rest at ease
I will be your guardian angel
Your protector and your guide
I will send you thoughts of love
So that your soul knows peace

Don't forget me the soldier
I love my country that's true
Here on the world's battlefields
I fought for you I died for you

Don't forget me the sailor
I love my country that's true
Here on the world's oceans
I fought for you I died for you

Don't forget me the pilot
I love my country that's true
Here in the world's heavens
I fought for you I died for you

Don't forget me the mother
I sent my son off to war
He did not come home to me
What is all the fighting for?

We are the politicians
You see us laying our wreaths
We send your loved ones off to war
And too many to their deaths

These four walls contain my life
The sum of my hopes and dreams
All looks in shipshape order
But nothing is as it seems

I walked through this door as a wife
Though my marriage was already cold
And yet on the day of my wedding
I thought our love would never grow old

Here I brought up my children
There was laughter mingled with tears
Always something unexpected
As they grew with the passing years

Still inside there was something missing
I filled the emptiness with mistakes
I courted regret and disaster
I spun out of control with no brakes

These four walls became my prison
Kept me trapped in a nightmare land
I caught glimpses of a reality
I could never quite understand

Between the cracks of sanity
I slipped slowly with silent screams
Echoing in an attic darkness
Along ever narrowing beams

I dwelt in the night of my soul
Unable to stretch out a hand
My mind an imploding chaos
My world built only on quicksand

But then came the light of my dawn
Inside my core healing began
The impossible really happens
You have to believe that it can

These four walls contain my memories
The only true life I have known
And it is here I will leave my heart
For a heart makes a house a home

I am the warm air of spring
Heralding the time of rebirth
I caress the first shoots of growth
As they poke their way through the earth

I ponder nature’s resilience
As her landscape comes alive
I marvel at her citizens
And their will to survive

I dance over fields and rivers
Whispering to sky and sun
To all the hiding creatures
A new season has begun

I am the zephyr of summer
Come now and heed my call
Blowing sweetly from the west
The kindest wind of them all

Walk with me over hill and dale
Carpeted in joyous colour
Feeling my soft caresses
More tender than any lover

I will kiss your upturned face
Brushing it with rays of sun
Breathing warmth into your bones
Till the sunset says day is done

I am the wild gale of autumn
Stripping the leaves from the trees
Nothing withstands my fury
All bow to my desperate need

I whip the rain into torrents
Pouring water over all beneath
No quarter asked or given
I gift you the dying year’s grief

I move restlessly onwards
My dark tempests taking form
But the harvest is gathered
The bounty safe from my storms

I am the north wind of winter
Bringing the first flakes of snow
Scattering them with abandon
On the gardens and streets below

My blast is icy and chill
Freezing your toes and fingers
Sweeping away the last of the year
Not a single vestige lingers

Time for you to stay indoors
Cosying in front of the fire
Enjoying the comforts of home
Away from my insolent ire

Free my soul to drift on the wind
To tumble like an autumn leaf
Spinning hues of russet and lemon
Lazy hints of lingering green
Cartwheeling with my partners
In a glorious dance of celebration
Twisting and turning into the final free fall
To carpet the Earth beneath your feet

Free my soul to drizzle like the rain
Seeping gently from grey clouds
Crying out the tears of human woe
Washing away the pain
Washing away the suffering
Evaporating like mist in the sunshine
Leaving behind only hope
The promise that a new dawn brings

Free my soul to roll on the waves
Surfing the foam tipped crests
Crashing wildly into the troughs
Diving down into the depths
To rise once more ever restless
Swirling in eddies on an unknown shore
A distant place of comfort
Where I can at last find peace

Free my soul to fly alongside the birds
Spreading out feathered wings
Riding the unruly air currents
Swooping and soaring poetry in motion
Scanning the ground beneath for prey
Seeking a mate to ease the loneliness
Seeking a tree to build our nest
And raise our own young

Free my soul to run with the wolves
Deep into the pinewood forest
Darkness thickening around us
Waiting with breath baited hearts pounding
Blood calling out wildly to blood
Thrumming through each vein
Howls torn deep from within
As the full moon rises above us

Free my soul to walk among the stars
To wander the edge of far off galaxies
Keeping time to an eternal rhythm
The beat of a different drum in my ears
Haunted by the music of the spheres
Riding a ribbon of moonlight
Scattering stardust in my wake
Finding my freedom in the vastness of space

Can’t you see me please see me
I’m here right in front of you
Look up from what you’re doing
Look straight at me not just through

I’m the girl in the background
I’m the one that you forget
Standing here oh so silent
Why haven’t you noticed yet

Waiting in my special corner
Quieter than a small mouse
Afraid of making a move
To take my place in this house

Fearful of making you angry
I’m anxious to try and please
While your heart can’t love me
My heart can never find peace

Knowing I have no meaning
Buried in a sea of self doubt
I am drowning not waving
Why won’t you just pull me out

Then I slowly seek your eyes
A mirror with no reflection
You turned me into your ghost girl
A lost soul with no direction

The song of the rising sun
Welcoming the new day
Hopeful anticipation
In notes of pink and grey

The song of the whirling wind
Sometimes heady and wild
Sometimes whispering its tune
With the sweet voice of a child

The song of the soaring sky
Reaching towards the stars
A silver tinted symphony
Played on a thousand guitars

The song of the restless sea
A rhapsody in motion
Waves swirling in rhythm
Stillness but a notion

The song of the joyful earth
Greeting each new season
With a simple melody
Of perfect rhyme and reason

The song of my waiting heart
Not beating quite in time
No harmony in my soul
Until the day you are mine

My music will fill your soul
I will rock you all night long
I will be your melody
I am woman I am song

I will take you by the hand
I will be your second chance
Ever moving ever changing
I am woman I am dance

I will watch you when you sleep
I will set your mind at ease
I am your serenity
I am woman I am peace

I will keep you in my heart
I will be your safest place
I am your life's blessing
I am woman I am grace

I will help you smile again
I will fix what men destroy
I am all your happiness
I am woman I am joy

I will catch and hold your heart
I am what you're dreaming of
I will stand by you a lifetime
I am woman I am love

I am steadfast I am kind
I will not let love grow cold
More precious than red rubies
I am woman I am gold

I will dry the tears you cry
I will go to any lengths
To shield you from life's fury
I am woman I am strength

I am alive with passion
I will be your heart's desire
I will light your darkness
I am woman I am fire

I will never lie to you
Whether life is rough or smooth
Because honesty is freedom
I am woman I am truth

I will be your nourishment
I will be your loving wife
I will bear you children
I am woman I am life

I will never stop believing
In you till the end of days
I will nurture your spirit
I am woman I am faith

I will never let you down
I will celebrate your story
Lift you up on wings of hope
I am woman I am glory

I will love you as you are
I will embrace your flaws
In this and every lifetime
I am woman I am yours

I wish that I'd been there for you
Through our lost and lonely years
To care for you to nurture you
To softly dry your tears

But that was not what happened
I pushed you out of my way
As I burned all my bridges
Let my pain take full sway

I ignored the silent question
There was nothing I could say
Who would want to understand
The high price I chose to pay

I couldn't look you in the face
See sorrow staring from your eyes
I turned around and ran away
I guess you were not surprised

Hell bent on self destruction
I walked my path alone
I surrendered to my demons
I knew every hope had gone

What had I left to live for
In a world I could not bear
When I begged aloud to die
I believed that no one cared

And yet you did not desert me
You reached out and took my hand
Lead me out into the light
That was not what I had planned

You loved me back to happiness
Taught me what it is to live
To keep heaven in your heart
How much hurt we can forgive

If it takes a thousand lifetimes
I could never make amends
But know I won't stop trying
I will love you till the end

Some where my soul was waiting
To become a little girl
In the arms of my angel
I have entered the world

When I have felt joy and pain
Known life at its worst and best
In the arms of my angel
I will take my night's rest

When I have learned wisdom
And have nothing left to prove
In the arms of my angel
I will find laughter and love

When I have seen times of trouble
And yearn for a sweet release
In the arms of my angel
I will seek my heart's peace

When my days here are over
And it's time to say goodbye
In the arms of my angel
I will lay me down to die

Now all earthly toils are done
My sins have been forgiven
On the wings of my angel
My soul will fly to heaven

Why would I drink from a glass
When the bottle is just as good
One of those insane questions
Anyone would if they could

Why would I put the cork back
When there's something left to drink
Yeah I can take another
And I don't care what you think

Why would I have just the one
When two or three is better
It's not like I'm off the rails
Like some crazy jet setter

Why would I want to stop now
When the party has just begun
Hold on for a wild evening
I'm going to have me some fun

Why would I want to go on
When the fun is clearly over
I have left a trail of chaos
Everyone has run for cover

You look at me like I'm nuts
If only you could understand
It's all way out of control
Up there and no place to land

So please let me down gently
From this my jumping off place
I don't want to live like this
With tomorrows I can't face

I need to find an answer
Something to calm my mad head
Won't somebody come save me
Or I'm going to wind up dead

Lonely days lonelier nights
Staring blankly at the flickering screen
Or simply into a distance
Where nothing but pain awaits

It is not a kind pain
Not the pain of the body that heralds healing
Or reminds me not to do that
Not a brief pain

It is a pain of the soul
A pain so deep and timeless it will never leave me
A pain of the mind
Bringing night terrors and days of torment

How many ways have I tried to fix myself
My broken self my empty heart
My fatal addictions
My distractions from reality

I can't count them all
I could not find a solution
Each failure reinforcing the lie
That next time it will be fine

I surrender to my despair
To my infinite darkness
Waiting in vain for a twin soul
To make a human connection

Staring out of the window
My head pressed against the glass
Alive and yet not quite aware
As the countryside flies past

The faint smell of filter coffee
Drifts to me from a paper cup
Reminding me to drink it
In the effort to wake myself up

Green fields blend into grey houses
With poppies for red punctuation
Brakes screech like orphan seagulls
Doors open in anticipation

People off then people on
In near perfect orchestration
Madly scrambling for a seat
As the train departs the station

Time to seek some brief comfort
Behind mobile screen or book
Face that says leave me alone
If anyone chooses to look

Glad that I’m not standing up
Trying to find space in the crowd
To keep the world at a distance
No interaction allowed

I endure the morning torture
That’s known as a daily commute
But living life this way
Seriously does not compute

I’d rather stand by the ocean
Feeling the wind caress my face
Toes in the water sun on my back
I am happy in this place

In that moment of peace
Freedom stretches out a hand
And I walk towards the sunset
Leaving only footprints in the sand

I'm never going to be prom queen
I know that now

That's for the pretty girls
The popular girls
The ones with the golden hair
and the blue eyes

The ones the boys look at
When they laugh
When they sway across
the playground

The girls in the cute clothes
With the cute smiles
That flick their hair
With nonchalant grace

The ones with curves
In the right places
The ones that
don't have to try

They are never alone at break
They don't sit at home
reading books
Or writing poems

They don't cry themselves
to sleep at night
Because some boy
Did not see them today

They don't feel the hurt
Of loving in vain
Of living a lie
Of hating what they see in the mirror

They don't wake each day
Wanting to die
Wanting it to go away
Wanting what will never be

They don't feel that
They get to be prom queen
They shine with ease
Charming the world

I'm never going to be prom queen
But I am going to be me

I never going to be part of this family
I know that now

I'm not the boy
The one the sun shines out of
He can do no wrong

Even when it's his fault
It's my fault

He will smell of roses
And take it for granted

I'm not the pretty one
The one who can smile
And get what she wants

Even when she messes up
She is the victim

She will be bailed out again
Poor thing

I'm not the sensible one
The one who is practical
And is a good mother

She is so patient
She never shouts

Even when she is selfish
She is only taking care of herself

Where do I fit in?

I'm older than the boy
That's not good enough
I'm prettier than the pretty one
That's not good enough
I'm more sensible than the sensible one
That's not good enough

To say life isn't fair
That's not good enough
Not by a long way

I am judged by my mistakes
But they don't define me
They made me strong
They taught me wisdom

I am loved by a good man
And by my children
That is good enough

If you can't see the difference in me
I don't want to be part of this family

In me all your strength lies
The source of your bright power
Come then oh Lord of the Night
Seek me in my tall tower

All your beloved essence
Courses through my veins
In the blackness of my blood
Not a trace of light remains

You drink me like a fine wine
Heady and sweetly perfumed
Swallowing deeply slowly
Until all of me is consumed

Your words echo out to me
Searing silence like a knife
Calling to the dark within
Extinguishing all my life

I give myself completely
Each moment till I grow old
You take all your heart from me
You command my very soul

In me all your strength lies
The source of your bright power
Come then oh Lord of the Night
Seek me in my tall tower

There’s a present I can’t wrap
With my love so carefully
A present you will never open
That I can’t leave beneath our tree

There is no cheery message
In a card I won’t get to write
A bit of joy that I can’t give
To you on Christmas night

Now that you have left my life
Things will never be the same
I can’t simply pick up the phone
And hear you speak my name

You won’t say Merry Christmas
Or wish me Happy New Year
My heart feels sad and empty
Now you are no longer here

Today I can’t stop crying
You helped when things were rough
This first Christmas without you
I didn’t know it would be so tough

The year outside is dying
The wind howls and hurls rain
Inside I grieve to lose you
I’m not sure I can bear the pain

Yes I have happy memories
I can find some comfort there
Your life was worth the living
Though to part still seems unfair

I want God to give you back
I want you here with me
But you are always in my heart
And your soul can now fly free

Time floats across the sky
Trailing a ribbon of stars
In its wake
I clutch at the ribbon
Breathe in the silver dust
Hoping for a solution
In my eternal dance
Twisting and turning
To a silent beat
Escaping the past
Chasing the future
Missing the present
I can’t undo the ribbon
Tied by time around
The gift of this moment
Not in my universe does
Silver star magic
Open the time portal
Try as I might
I am anchored by twin chains
Mistakes of the past
Twisted links of shame and guilt
Fear of the future
Of losing my dreams
Of losing myself
No stability to tie me to now
A battleground of instincts
Restless and discontent
Watching through
the bottom of a glass
As time floats across the sky

Adrift in a new reality
Slowly I’m losing my grip
A demon sits on my shoulder
Waiting for my guard to slip

The dark of evil surrounds me
Painting a nightmare land
Spreading doom and disaster
With a cruel uncaring hand

Quenching the fire in my soul
With a steady flow of hate
Beating me into submission
Until accept my fate

Robbing my heart of love
Until I have nothing to give
Empty devoid of emotion
I have no reason to live

Calling to my deepest fears
Whispering in tones of spite
Driven to the edge of reason
I have no weapons to fight

Gone astray in my crazy head
No one comes when I shout
I can’t find the exit sign
Trapped here with no way out

Losing any will to live
Numbness seeps into in my limbs
I can’t hold out any longer
Is this how my death begins

No pills or ***** will aid me
Blank out your damning refrain
But if I name you my demon
I will find respite from pain

So I will seek out your name
To know you is to beat you
The knowing will set me free
To myself I can now be true

Nobody fancies the drummer
The lead singer steals all the hearts
There at the front of the stage
In the limelight playing the part

I am the one in the background
Where the spotlight does not shine
Just playing as part of the team
And nobody thinks that I mind

Why on earth would they bother
I am always there trying to please
Around to bail people out
When they are in a tight squeeze

My place is to support and soothe
Iron the differences out
The cog that keeps it all turning
When others scream and shout

Content to take no credit
Even though maybe I should
But I have little confidence
I can not believe I’m that good

Perhaps I learned as a child
That my place was at the back
Not destined for adulation
Or to be leader of the pack

That my opinions were worthless
Others knew much better than me
I buried my hurt deep inside
In a darkness no one could see

But one day the light will find me
Giving my self esteem birth
I will love who I see in the mirror
I will know and celebrate my worth

Nobody fancies the drummer
The lead singer steals all the hearts
There at the front of the stage
In the limelight playing the part

But sometimes it’s worth pausing
To take a much closer look
You may find that a fancy cover
Doesn’t mean you get a great book

Mine became a life of chaos
Lived on the edge of a knife
Balanced for eternity
Caught between death and life

In the end the fear of living
Burned me to the very core
Without my anaesthetic
I knew I could take no more

There was no fight left in me
I had no heart that I could give
I had no way of surviving
It cost me too much to live

Into a well of silence
I breathed a desperate prayer
Uncertain of an answer
Or who might be out there

As I listened in confusion
The solution came to me
Live a life of honesty
The truth could set me free

So I stepped in the future
I discovered my true worth
And after the death of winter
Came spring my season of rebirth

Yes Christmas is coming
There is no escaping that
So please can you put a penny
In the poor old man’s hat

This quiet soul is starving
The government stole his pension
But he worked hard all his life
That never gets a mention

The MPs in Westminster
Drinking their cheap champagne
Vote to strip you of your rights
And make us all slaves again

But lo fear not one and all
For now Brexit will be done
And future generations
Are going to have some fun

We will be taking back control
Oh what a clever ploy
But control is only for the rich
The rest will be destroyed

The Christmas bells they ring out
But their message goes unheard
Please look after the weakest
And please yes feed the world

Outside the snow is falling
And I can’t hear any jingling bells
There is but a bleak midwinter
As our country goes to hell

So if you haven’t got a penny
I hope God will bless you
But if you want your pennies back
Then next time don’t vote blue.

Write something happy they said
Something uplifting and nice
Don’t write about your depression
Was the sum of their advice

Your moods are way too gloomy
Your anxiety is too stark
How can things be that awful
You have to be wide of the mark

Write something less sad they said
No one wants to share your pain
To feel how badly you’re hurting
Just go take some pills again

Don’t talk about all your grief
Your world full of stress and strife
It’s better to count your blessings
And pretend you have a great life

Write something less mad they said
Your chaos will drive us to drink
Nothing is as bad as it seems
Of course your life doesn’t stink

Keep your crazy in your head
We don’t like the way that you think
Write about glitter and unicorns
Clouds that are fluffy and pink

Write something less dark they said
Demons are not your best friends
Now if you keep on like this
You know where it’s going to end

We don’t want to hear your story
Or understand why you feel this way
We only want to listen
When you have something sweet to say

Well my hands are over my ears
I don’t want you talking at me
I’m alone fighting those demons
In a battle you refuse to see

The struggle is never ending
To be who I am meant to be
But one day I will find my truth
And know what it is to be free