The more it hurts
The more I smile
because the smile has the power
To make it useless.

Shut the door behind you
Lock it twice just in case
Pull out the futon mattress
Let your hands find their place
Stare at my green passion
Slide your hands up my thighs
Smile as your mouth finds mine
Flick your hair out of your eyes
Press your lips against my own
Tangle your tongue with my breathe
Take your time with me tonight
Enjoy it like you invite death

It’s a funny thing
a single song
can send me
back into
my memory.

Somewhere
out there
a melody
from a movie
I saw as a kid,

I hear that song
and feel
a tinge of sadness
as tears
threaten
to make
an unwanted
cameo appearance.

The first time
I heard this
I was with
my mother
in a small house
for abused women.

Somewhere
out there
in the past
before
things got
really bad,

they were bad
for her,
but I was ok.
I did not have a clue
what we were
going through.

Later,
the pain
that jaded her
would become
my shadow cloak
to wear,
as I looked
for somewhere
out there
where
I would be free,
from her rage.

I never really
found that place,
but when I hear
that song,
I can recall
my mother
before the fall.

Even at
a cynical
thirty-seven
a small part
of my heart
longs for
the loving mother
that was
somewhere out there
before those bad days.