I didn't want to go home unannouced
I didn't want to bother anyone in my resting place
I just want to speed up the pace
Fast forward to the void with the sound
Of nothing at all

i am fine
we were walking back
hearing all your worries, taking a second everytime you move your lips with an answer
you were worried about a boy carrying all his scars and delivering them to you
i was there, you dont have to retell
i stopped and took all my courage
maybe i could give mine too
you looked at me clueless
okay, you say
you proceed like you never heard me

all my life ive been told i wasnt important
that my problems are mine to keep
and hush now, the world isnt ready for that yet
how selfish am i to even speak of it
am i not satisfied with whats given to me?
do i really have to be that loud
c'mon, there are many out there that actually have their life on the line

why the **** are you crying?
your eyes told me that
and i never knew that a stare could deliver a message as loud as that
you add:
sorry, i just forgot that today is the day you die
that today you're pathetic enough to think that you need help
that today is the day you think its necessary for you to be selfish
because thats what you are

and im sorry you think im not worth it
i swear im trying to be
and with all your reasons you chose not to look at me
you just handed me a ten-month notice
and im sorry i forgot what day it is

Can i say—
your absence is a relief. Your lack of response gives me nothing but comfort and i know, i will not see your name pop up just yet 'cause how can you reply to "im sorry i can't take the risk to jump so i vanished" and to "i'm sorry i opened the door but no, i'm not inviting you in" or to "i'm sorry but i'm just here to say sorry (and have no intention of 'fixing' you)" because i don't think my broken bones can lift the tools any longer.
I say yet because almost always you pop right back the last minute, trying. I hope this time would be the last.

sa mga nakaraang araw at linggo, napakahirap maging mag-isa kasama lang ang sariling  mga hinuha at pagkakulong sa sariling kalungkutan.

you’re not the only one that matters

And maybe im saying this because people have constantly reminded me the same thing. And maybe I want someone to feel the same way as I felt. Maybe I wasn’t that kind. Maybe I wanted to see someone suffer just because I got hurt, and yes, I am that kind of person. Maybe I kept it in the back of my head and it kept messing with me. It comes back again and again and again.