i hope you find your place
a dwelling of your safe and sound
be it-
a cafe,
a building,
a house,
some space confined by four walls,
the space between a pair of arms,
a library,
free gigs,
the seashore,
your bathroom,
a twenty four hour convenience store,
an empty parking lot,
a skate park,
your room,
someone else’s room,
a rooftop,
the spaces kept kindled by your lungs,
or your bones,
or every beat of your heart;
i hope you find your place

-a place to get lost only to be found; a home

and the dark can be our halfway

let it be the constant place where we meet
let me wrap my arms around your delicate frail being
and mess your hair up with my fingers;

for in the dark there’s no need to hide
behind masks dearly known as our comfort zones
nor tread under cautious words

the dark provides a blanket of safety,
it knows about the blackest parts;
yours and mine and vulnerability,

in the dark you’ll find nothing but candour

the sunset can wait
-let’s hang in the dark for longer

a black quilt patched up with diamonds for stars looming above us,
our feet effortlessly following through the steps
even when we’re both bad at dancing
you spin me around
and pull me in for a dip
all the while having your eyes trained on mine
with the kind of emotion i can't quite decipher
but i didn’t mind-
in the back of my mind this could pass off as the one where i'm in a white dress and gold could be found on both of our ring fingers- the orchestra plays the song once more
and when we finally finish off,
there was even a smattering of applauses from the crowd
the scene ending with us taking a bow
-little did we know that we were dancing to our swan song

you leaving the apartment we’ve rented-
the first place i’ve ever truly called home
ever since the night we both decided to runaway,
from the dead end town that claimed us stuck,
it was why i smoked stick after stick
allowing the nicotine to almost be a substitute
to how you used to fill the voids within my being
and the nebulas obliterating my existence
the sound of your footsteps sounded almost in tune
with a choir offering a song for a funeral
if every time i blew the smoke out
and as it disappears into thin air
i could forget the way you said my name
and how you told me you loved me and tucked me in
each night my nightmares would get the best of me, if only
but your memory is as evident as the corruptness
becoming more present in my lungs
just as i throw another pack out;
i wish i could hate you with such energy,
the kind that makes your body shake to the core
but it’s been my fifth cup of coffee for the day
and the tremors the caffeine give off are doing their best
in reminding me of the giddiness and excitement i got
whenever you’d hold my hand on all those dates ago
it only reminds me of how i still feel the same for you and always have
even during our biggest fights and watching you pack your suitcase
and holding those words back- my pride be ******
while your departure was made and your paraphernalia’s all that’s left, all the while everything’s still yet to sink in

and this,
refusal to get over the world we shared
and the plans that made their way up,
somewhere way up in the air before we could give life to them
and the dreams that somewhere two dreamers are now inhabiting together for the first time

repeatedly being with you in dreams each night
can’t ever compare to the sharpeners and the blades
that once upon a time claimed my wrists and my thighs home,
marking and leaving landmarks as red as the x on a treasure map
neither can lying down on the asphalt with my eyes closed,
taking flight just when a car slams its brakes
just in time before i could feel it run me over
cannot compare to the feeling of once having you but not anymore

how evident it is that my destruction lies within you,
-and even after that you’re still my favorite form of self harm

the stars seem to have aligned this time, perhaps the first
the odds are up and not against their favor, rewritten
the sky lights up, a whole canvas of black illuminated because of them, for them-

or so they thought

too oblivious
for not far long is a meteor shower
happens only once in who knows how long
twice if you’re fortunate;
they weren’t

and so all is meant for skyfall-
asteroids, meteorites, dusts, ashes; the galaxy
their fate’s scratched upon scattered in debris
nebulas forged with everything they’ve shared
plagued in bits, slowly ceasing their existence
strings pushed, pulled, tied together
weaving in constellations shaped in the glory of their names and being
should’ve, they should’ve known from the very start
should’ve known better

that the stars were never in their favor
just setting themselves up for a trap,
****** even when lifted to the celestial
they should’ve known
the moment they first started rotating in each other’s axis
stuck on a merciless gravitational force hurtling at such a speed
down

          down

                    downwards

crashing, ****** up by a black hole

-should’ve been contented seeing each other with astral projection

my ghosts are fond of your ghosts-
perhaps you are my exorcism
i guess we should stay with each other’s souls
as my pasts and your pasts get cleansed

yet you must know
that the horrors of what has been before you
can’t ever compare to the threats
that losing you magnifies

-so we’ll stay together ‘til we could get past walls, tenants of a house we’ll haunt

but then you’d be jack and i’d be rose,
setting sail in a cruise trading questions just to get to know the other
then you’d stare at me for a beat longer than normal
i’d take note of the different type of glint in your eyes
as you ask me “where to miss?’
to which i’d respond with “to the stars”
we got the ocean below us
and despite its vastness
and atlantis’ threat
from down down down below
its vast clear surface a reflection of a crystal ball
of us and the future
yet everyone knows how it all ends
and so the ship sinks
but this time it’s not just because of an iceberg;
they’re the iceberg
and they pull me away from you
and it all comes down in a slow gradual yet sped up type of sinking
as if it were a tragic accident; one that was staged
‘cause surrounded underneath by their iciness,
they keep dragging me away from you
and the plans we made once the cruise reaches the port
and the route to which we’d go to once the ship is docked-
the way they repeatedly tell me that you’re not for me
is enough for me to drown
and i remember when you told me that we’re in this together
and that you’d rather be with me
through hell and back
than to never have stopped me from jumping out as response to the song of the waves,
from never learning my name
but this, darling i’d rather not drag you into this
i don’t want this love to be the cause of your downfall, so i’m saving you
by doing this i’m shielding you from hypothermia that they, that this tragedy will cause you
i hope the warmth of my embrace will be enough to last possibly a lifetime-
even if it’s the last
let the headlines label this,
as an accident, casualties upon casualties
for we both know better than that;
meeting you was never a blip in destiny’s timeline or a regret
my only regret would be
that we didn’t stay longer in the staircase
neither did we stop the cruise from heading in the direction it did-
towards our doom we could’ve survived
you must know, darling
that if there is a day that i await,
it would be the one where we’re once again in that staircase
and you’re wearing that lazy smile i learned to love
and everything would be alright this time
and there would be no crash, no sinking, no drowning, no separation
the cruise just goes to its next stop and its next
and we’d be drinking from flutes of champagne
voyaging through the vastness of this body of water,
safe from its threats in each other’s arms
but for now let them think
that any possibility of us drowned deep under
as the ship gets ****** by the greedy tides, the greed they breathe with