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 Nov 2014 Camille Paguirigan
lulu
doors are all around me,
they're here.
to my left and to my right,
they're big and small,
wide and narrow.
i struggle to get to them,
for they seem too far away.
and there are giant barriers
that block my way.
they're huge and strong,
and it seems almost impossible
for me, a single being,
to jolt them away.
opportunities linger around me, but the hindrances almost always get to me first.
 Nov 2014 Camille Paguirigan
lulu
he said hi,
and my heart skipped.
that's how it all started,
one small conversation.

one conversation
that lead to another
and another
and another
and it went on and on.

one conversation
that brought me joy,
they brought back big, giddy smiles on my face.

but as time passed,
those conversations stopped.
and i never thought that that it would hurt this much.
conversations i engaged with too much.
 Oct 2014 Camille Paguirigan
lulu
i look up at the sky
in search for stars
but instead,
i see darkness.

darkness has concealed
all the bright spots.
they use to give me hope,
but now they're gone.

if only
i could take away the darkness
and bottle it up.
so that i can see stars
up and shining again.
a poem for my friends who used to light up my sky.
Yesterday I was thinking about you
& it terrified me that I could no longer
Remember what you looked like,
Or who you even were
Before cancer started to erode
All of your loveliness
I knew you didn’t want me to
Remember how you looked without hair
Or how your body became so weak
So I searched the depths of my mind
To find old memories of you
I can remember you coming to
My birthday parties and music recitals
But honestly I couldn’t remember
What you looked like then
And as my heart was breaking
That I had lost all of you
A flicker of a moment flashed in my mind
There you were sitting
At your dining room table
With your auburn curls and
Right before you took a sip
Of your diet Pepsi
You smiled
Then, along with the fleeting moment
You were gone
I wanted to cry
I had remembered you,
The real you
You were a knife in my chest
But I miss you

You're not with me anymore
But I'm still bleeding
Dear World

I'm no *Aphrodite

I have not the powers
of Zeus
I might be closer
to Hades
but I'm not so
obtuse
I can't handle separation
just like Persephone
or handle rejection
like Narcissus
I'm not built like that
you see?
I don't dance like Callisto
nor frolic like Nereid
I would like think
I'm not so frivolous
as *that

I'm not one to look upon
a perfectly formed vista
and pronounce myself
Queen of all
but in a small voice
in the dark of night
I whisper

I'm not  Atlas  *either
I'm so tired of having to hold up my world :(
 Oct 2014 Camille Paguirigan
axr
You are the sun that sets at the horizon
the mist covering me
the one saving me from illusions
war and love's fusion.

You are the fire in my eyes
my deep abyss
the one who stays with me all night
the one who will always be mine

You are the bottom of the sea
Inquisitive, tempting
Dark as can be
my infinity

You are the light in the dark
my companion
you've loved me from the start
you hold my hand when the soldiers march.

You are everything I wished to be
I see myself in you
I know today you're free
by the graves at midnight I shall wait for thee
Written for the love of my life,Leo Valdez from Heroes of Olympus.
I believe
That writers are
So brave
Because each time
They start writing
Blotting ink onto
Their paper
Frustratingly typing on
Their laptop
They rip their heart out
Of their chest
And show the world
What it's made of.
MOMMY DEAREST*
sadly,
you killed everyone in your head
including the loving person i knew,
growing up with a best friend
that ended up being my mother,
and the past twelve years i watched
as you died and the heartbreak
you caused all who loved you
and by denying the help they gave you
by denying the help you needed
to accept reality the way *we
have to,
and so as you've killed us all
and isolated yourself to the point
that i'd had to write your eulogy,
for you couldn't accept your life's detachment
from everyone, ties you severed yourself,
and that me being the only one left
left me with no choice
but to bury you six feet deeper
than the demons i created on my own
because I can't take care of yours too
in the fifth circle of hell
after I've escaped purgatory senses
and discovered my freedom's as a man.
I hope they can forgive you and you can get your wings.
I'll cry harder this year watching It's A Wonderful Life alone when that bell rings.
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