So tell me
Is it possible to give love
And have it returned equally?
Is it possible to give him your soul
And have it returned whole?
Love.
Maybe this emotion is nothing
But a fictional feeling
The key to misery.
A lie,
Birthed from misleading childhood story lines.
Because I believe
There's never gold at the end of the rainbow
And a heart that's broken can't be sowed
There's no happily ever after
No perfect ending finishing the last chapter
No white picket fence or perfect family to show
Love doesn't exist
Just people here to use u as their personal
Ventriloquist...

Betrayal.
3/16/17

Two pink lines, we knew it was true
Sooner or later we would meet you
We knew it would happen you even sent clues
So happy we made phone calls to share the great news

Suddenly Mommy was in pain
saw bleeding Daddy said something was strange
Praying together hoping nothing is wrong
tears in my eyes trying to stay strong

Up on the screen your sister was present
you weren't there you were sent back to heaven,
so confused trying to understand why
I had one baby and the other didn't survive..

As quickly as your life started
it ended, at only 9 weeks.
I was so ready, we were so close
so small, no eye could see
So early, yet you still meant so much to me

I long to know what you looked like,
and hold you in my arms
Loving you from a distance
your still our  good luck charm.

Never will I have the chance to kiss your sweet lips
or carry your loving body around on my hip.
Your mine and always will be
but oh I long to touch the baby I will never see..

Having you with me
for a short time is still such a gift
you will forever be my favorite "what if".

How dare you give me pieces of you and take it back
make me fall so deeply and then drop me right on my ***.
Your words were velvet lies leaving your lips.
so soft and yet dangerous to my mental.
the back and forth, yes's and maybe's.
I constantly found validation for you and your ****.

How dare you walk into my life causing confusion
creating this allusion of this "love" that I believed.
causing my knees to weaken with just one kiss
so blind wearing loves glasses I could not see
that your heart never belonged to me...

How dare you exit the back door,
locking it behind you
desperately I searched for the key,
you buried it in the soil of another woman's garden.
trying to hold onto our love, our memories,
everything we could be.
slipped right through my fingers like water in the rain...  

how dare you, fool me into giving you my heart
when you knew you weren't capable of loving me...


Breeze ©

"We're not in love, love is vivid."
What once was is over now, short lived.
That story lacked of those sweet emotions and happiness.
Grey dark memories and faded dull surface conversations.
Very little to hold us together so we fell apart.
There was no love present
A relationship built on attraction and no foundation.
Ended as fast as it started
We were entertained by the idea
Posting falsified photos for advertisement.

Breeze ©

Memories have become my best friend when I am missing you.
Waiting...
Daylight and nightfall have become the only clock of time when I am dreaming of you.
Wishing...
Out of what dream will you arise?
Arriving...
Back into the arms of my reality.
Finally...

Una mensis

You know what's hard
Believing that love lasts forever
U know what's harder?
Grieving the loss of someone who is still alive...
We were supposed to be for all eternity
I was suppose to be your bride
For better or for worse, that's what you told me...
Maybe I'm a fool and naive
for thinking
That your heart was only to beat for me.
Because if it were really true
You wouldn't leave.
love isn't supposed to be a cage for pain
It's supposed to be a gift freely given and well received.
You were the fire that I needed desperately
to light the trail to a better world
You were my escape...


And as the minute pass
I have to watch the love we once lit together burn out...


ashes to ashes, dust to dust...

Take the chains off of your hardened heart
Vulnerability is true beauty.

Trying to capture your love is like trying to catch a single drop in the rain.

-impossible

You even dont know
How I pray to the Gods every night to keep you safe.
Or how I get chills whenever someone speaks your name.
Or how you inspired me to write again.
You dont even know how I lie awake at night
Counting stars, wishing on each one for you.
you dont realize,
my heart writes novels and haikus
Of how you remind me of dawn
Gracing with the beauty of pink and purple hues.
You dont realize the suffocating truth that I am so utterly in love with you...

Allow me to be
your coffee in the morning,
four sugars two cream.
give you the taste test
of the sweetness I bring.
I want to raise you up
both ways,
and at night I’ll be your whiskey
you can kneel and get drunk off my love.
I want to drip in your finesse,
bless me with your holy water
baptise me.
dive in to my skin
cleanse me of my sins..

The seasons have changed,
its gotten cooler outside, the leaves have fallen.
I'm up on a Sunday morning trying to figure out
where we went wrong.
I have had a change of heart and its not your fault.
I just believe that our time is up.
I cannot be the woman you want,
Ive tried to convince myself that I loved you
but my subconscious reveals the truth every time
I'm fighting with myself.
You say I'm building a wall,
I'm just trying to fade fast so that you don't fall
I don't want to be the reason you hurt,
I don't want to be the reason you break
please just leave me be,
I hope you one day find a woman who can nurture your heart the way you need
She's not me.



I'm sorry, darling.

its hard to revisit what destroyed me
I've just began healing.
life without you was like giving up my favorite drug,
I was addicted you.

Your clear eyes a see of accumulated raindrops,
started to ripple
as I touched the surface.

In your depths I dived;
neither sinking nor losing air-
never drowning despite the rough waves
of unchartered waters.

With no fear of trenches
as deep as the Mariana's
or fear of undercurrents
as mysterious as the Bermuda's
I sought further to know

i know this feeling...

We've reached the end of the story before even hitting the first chapter.

I know this feeling...

Late replies, and silence, communication becoming less frequent.

Your mind is floating else where and your heart is no longer here...

I know this feeling...

This is the prelude to the trainwreck we had yet to create.

This is the end...

i have drifted under your skin
seeped through your pores down to the marrow in your bones
i have consumed the soul,
the part of you that you like to keep hidden
because you are too fragile to show it willingly.

how is that i was so easily invited
when you have kept that part of you locked away for so long?
how is it that you allow me to enter that sacred space?
what is it you see in me?

flowing through your veins
i am comfortable here existing within you
traveled in with one gentle kiss to your lips.
inhale, i have risen life into you once again
your heart has grown daisies, your eyes have grown deep,
starry like the universe you carry within you.





Thank you for allowing me to unfold the layers of your heart.

Too exhausted to feel anything...



----Numb

I don't think you realize
that the joy in my eyes has now faded
Do you see how you leave me lifeless?
I've poured so much into you,
and I'm left empty...
Will you fill the glass?
Will you fix my broken heart?- patch it back into being whole?

Does it matter at all?
Do I matter to you or were you just settling?
To fill the void of loneliness?

I have so many questions,
                                       they'll be left unanswered.