its hard to revisit what destroyed me
I've just began healing.
life without you was like giving up my favorite drug,
I was addicted you.
i have drifted under your skin
seeped through your pores down to the marrow in your bones
i have consumed the soul,
the part of you that you like to keep hidden
because you are too fragile to show it willingly.
how is that i was so easily invited
when you have kept that part of you locked away for so long?
how is it that you allow me to enter that sacred space?
what is it you see in me?
flowing through your veins
i am comfortable here existing within you
traveled in with one gentle kiss to your lips.
inhale, i have risen life into you once again
your heart has grown daisies, your eyes have grown deep,
starry like the universe you carry within you.
Thank you for allowing me to unfold the layers of your heart.
I don't think you realize
that the joy in my eyes has now faded
Do you see how you leave me lifeless?
I've poured so much into you,
and I'm left empty...
Will you fill the glass?
Will you fix my broken heart?- patch it back into being whole?
Does it matter at all?
Do I matter to you or were you just settling?
To fill the void of loneliness?
I have so many questions,
they'll be left unanswered.
Your clear eyes a see of accumulated raindrops,
started to ripple
as I touched the surface.
In your depths I dived;
neither sinking nor losing air-
never drowning despite the rough waves
of unchartered waters.
With no fear of trenches
as deep as the Mariana's
or fear of undercurrents
as mysterious as the Bermuda's
I sought further to know
The seasons have changed,
its gotten cooler outside, the leaves have fallen.
I'm up on a Sunday morning trying to figure out
where we went wrong.
I have had a change of heart and its not your fault.
I just believe that our time is up.
I cannot be the woman you want,
Ive tried to convince myself that I loved you
but my subconscious reveals the truth every time
I'm fighting with myself.
You say I'm building a wall,
I'm just trying to fade fast so that you don't fall
I don't want to be the reason you hurt,
I don't want to be the reason you break
please just leave me be,
I hope you one day find a woman who can nurture your heart the way you need
She's not me.
I'm sorry, darling.
Allow me to be
your coffee in the morning,
four sugars two cream.
give you the taste test
of the sweetness I bring.
I want to raise you up
and at night I’ll be your whiskey
you can kneel and get drunk off my love.
I want to drip in your finesse,
bless me with your holy water
dive in to my skin
cleanse me of my sins..
You even dont know
How I pray to the Gods every night to keep you safe.
Or how I get chills whenever someone speaks your name.
Or how you inspired me to write again.
You dont even know how I lie awake at night
Counting stars, wishing on each one for you.
you dont realize,
my heart writes novels and haikus
Of how you remind me of dawn
Gracing with the beauty of pink and purple hues.
You dont realize the suffocating truth that I am so utterly in love with you...