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 Jul 2018 Coraline Hatter
D
she's leaving

highways and high seas, she's crossing them all
achieving her dreams while shouting
at the top of her lungs **** everyone
and she laughs

because she's leaving her past behind her at last
she's going to be climbing mountains and laughing for the rest of her life and I feel happy for her but sad at the same time
i wish i had the money to head off,

drive through my favorite mountains until i hit the city

i want to sit by the sea and watch the water

and listen to the gentle movements

and finally feel at home

because i know where home is

and it’s not here anymore

i wish i had the money to steal us away onto a plane

and fly a million miles away

i wish we could watch the landscape change underneath us,

mountains and rivers and valleys and infinite rolling hills

and tiny little houses that look up at us and think

“i wonder where they’re going,”

and we look down at them and think

“i wonder where they’ve been,”

and we watch and it changes every second

but the nonstop is comforting.  

i wish we could go away, just us, into the big city,

where the shining buildings soar around us

and we walk under the railings and keep our heads up

and never stop looking

and we always listen,

to the city, to each other,

to the music all around and inside us,

and when we stand in the hotel room i feel okay,

and when i stand in the bathroom

and stare myself in the face in the big mirror i think

“that’s me”

and not only do i feel at peace

but i feel on top of the world
She is the Desert
Hot, radiant, dangerous
One I dare not cross
There is a hole inside my chest.
I didn‘t ask it to be there
I don‘t know where it came from
But it doesn‘t seem to care.

Everytime I see a glimpse of serenity
it taints me again:
A corrupting presence
strangling my spine
choking my soul.

What has changed?
Where is the cause?
I‘ve lost ascendancy
over the demons I thought
to have slain long ago.

Again I‘m afraid.
Afraid to speak too much,
afraid to be silent for too long.
Afraid to be me
and afraid to disguise myself.

It seems my fortune has vanished
from my control.
And in dark moments
the only thing that‘s left
is the fear that
something has changed
irreversibly.

What once got close
seems to drift apart again
before it could begin to coalesce.
And I stand weak
before my inner chaos.

My mind is a maze
and I have lost the map.
How am I supposed to find my way back
with this chasm in my head?

~

My confidence is torn.

~

There is a hole in the sky
and it slowly pulls me in.
Will it erase me or cleanse me?
And will the scourge inside of me
finally die?
Wrote this when I was in a pretty dark place.
 May 2018 Coraline Hatter
LS
when a poet falls in love with you
you can never die
they will notice the way
you rub your palms and look down
when someone is angry at you
and the way you smirk
as you pull away from a kiss

they will notice how you can't sleep
without your body touching someone else's
how you never crease any pages of books
and how you close your eyes when you dance in your kitchen
with your record player on

they will find all of the words
that they see you as
and turn them into something beautiful

people say you die twice
once when you stop breathing
and when someone says your name
for the last time

if you fall in love with a poet
they will never stop
mentioning your name
you will be alive
for eternity
Last night.
You said something silly.
And I almost said.

I love you.

Last night.
I typed the first three letters.
And a bubble popped around me.
And I was drowning.
Because what is happening?
And I deleted the first three letters.
Because I don't even know you yet.
And a bubble popped around me.
And I was drowning.
And I couldn't hear anything.
Because what is happening?

Last night.
You said something silly.
And I almost said.

I love you.

And I don't know what is happening.
And I don't know what to do.
And I'm scared it might be true.
she reads books and she plays music
the cute, innocent
clumsy girl
with freckles on her cheeks

you like to read and listen to music
the cool, handsome
sweet-talking man
who likes freckles on her cheeks

[ or at least you said you did ]

she rolls her eyes at your compliments
the cautious, bright
guarded girl
with curiosity in her eyes

you lay them on thick
the certain, sharp
imprudent man
with hidden agendas on your lips

she lingers a little longer
in hopes of crossing your path throughout the day

she laughs at your jokes
and you know they're not funny

she sings for you in the car because
you like her voice

[ or at least you said you did ]

she's become good at excuses
the hopeful, naive
kind-hearted girl
with sureness in her words

you soak them up
the stark, ill-intentioned
vacant boy
with uncertainty in your voice

she gave all she had to care for you,
the smooth, clever
self-serving boy

you convinced her that you loved her

[ or at least you said you did ]
sweet nothings are just sweet nothings
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