Nicky

Nov 2015

Neex

...I'm No Longer Too Busy To Feel The Pain...

I'm out of my head,
Floating in oxygen,
Yet I still forget to breath,
Sometimes.

The oxygen in this sea of depression.
I thought I was used to this wretched sea,
some things never get old.

#depression #not #breath #breathe #forgot #it #admit #oxygen #again #gonna

Nov 2015

Jellyfish

Always Gray

I wonder; did you run out of color while you were painting me?

#paint #not #curious #wonder #color #done #unfinished #gray #completed

Nov 2015

Xiao - SparKticas

3:45am

I'm not tired
No, not in the slightest

I'm not upset
No, just mellow

I'm not sure
No, I really don't know

I'm not smiling
No, my face is straight

I'm not empty
No, there's emptiness to me

I'm not together
No, rather I'm apart

I'm not sane
No, try insane

I'm not saying it
No, I've said enough I think

I'm not done typing*
*No, I have plenty more I could give...

This stuffed cat toy is my only sense of physical companionship right now. Even then, the more I hug it, the more I cry. Sorry... im just down...

#depression #pain #empty #thoughts #sorrow #late #sorry #heartache #voiceless #powerless

Nov 2015

Xiao - SparKticas

Too Late Now

Nothing I can say is gonna fix things,
No use begging and pleading.
Ill be right there when the phone rings,
Without you, my heart is bleeding.

I'm just a pathetic cry baby to you anyway,
Weakest at the times I'm meant to be strong.
Not going to just sit there and cry like you say,
I'll bite my tongue just to prove you wrong.

If ever there were a monster, it is me,
For the way I've treated you, it's true.
I'm the worst boyfriend there ever was to be,
Those unforgiving words that are stuck like *glue.

Oh man... the longer im awake the more i think... i cant get over it... am I really a cry baby? Am i pathetic? Am i weak? Do you...love me? Or is it still a "meh."?

#broken #depression #regret #pain #relationship #thoughts #weak #her #latenight

Nov 2015

Nevermind

I Can't Even

I can't draw
And I can't sing
I can't do a lot of things
I have to take breaks
When I run
Because I pollute
My sorry lungs
I cannot put words
To my feelings sometimes
So I talk in choppy sentences
And send you late night rhymes
I can't get that one strand of hair
To lie flat on my head
And sometimes I forget I'm alive
Convinced that I'm dead
I'm really not good
At getting out of bed
I can't do a lot of things
Other people can

Nov 2015

Miguela shine

Ha

Its been awhile since I've smiled
Life doesn't care
I don't like how sad I've been
Time just goes on
So maybe I need to relax
There is beauty in everything
And simply take a really deep breath
Sit back and smell the roses
And then maybe, just maybe
Hakuna matata
I'll be able to smile

When you can't find anything to be happy about, let happiness find you.

#calm #lettinggo #slowingdown