Being suicidal
Doesn't mean you try to take your own life
Sometimes it means
Pushing others away
So you have less of a reason to live
And waking up Evey day
And just saying "**** it"
To everyone who walks your way
Sometimes it means
Eating less so you'll die of starvation
Or not wearing a jacket
So you'll get sick and die
Or not looking both ways
Before crossing the street
Because you don't care if you get hit by a car
Or cutting your wrist so you feel numb
Sometimes it means
Hiding every emotion
Deep down
Until you finally break
Scaring everyone away.

Somedays
I question what
Im doing, if at all anything

Somedays
I question who
Im turning into and who I am

Somedays
I question where
I'm going to find the answers to the problems

Somedays
I question when
Im finally able to say I did something and am happy

Somedays
I question how
Im even getting out of bed in the morning

Somedays
I question why*
Im still alive

So much to say,
No way to say it.

All my life I've been told
That in the end it will all get better
That if I keep living my life and only worry about me
I'll get better
All my life I've struggled
With depression
With anxiety
And even with people
My every day goal
Is to make it through the day
Without seriously injuring someone
Especially me
It's almost all I think about
So why tell me it'll get better with time
Because so far it's only getting worse
Yes, it does get slightly better
But it's hard to breathe with this anxiety
So why did you give it to me?
It's hard to live with this depression
So why do you insist I keep it?
Just because I'm strong enough for all this pain, doesn't mean I deserve it.