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 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
written March 9, 2015

"There is war raging inside my mind
I'm not fine
Need someone to help pull out, analyze, and perceive these feelings I'm feeling
deep down inside
And I'm trying
To cope with my sporadic brain
Please don't avoid me today
and everyday
Because it feels as if you're slipping away
and I cant handle this pain
I know you love me, I can feel it deep inside
But the feeling of overwhelming anxiety is higher
Has me contemplating, thinking that you may be a liar
And I'm tired
of my mind playing these stupid on and off games
Not knowing which direction my mind is aimed
So I take every day, as it comes and goes
Trying to embrace those harsh and lonely "lows"
Hoping for the best, I'm not doing so well
I didn't know loving someone causes your world to turn to hell"
 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
written March 19, 2015

"who said people can't be poisonous?
because the thought of you is taking over my body
i'm ill, dizzy, unable to think straight
and you're just the catalyst to the fire setting off inside of me
slowly deteriorating like a wave crashing against rocks
but my stance isn't so strong
now that you're gone
slowly, i slip
into the deep sea
drowning in your memory and full of everything we used to be

who said people can't be poisonous?
because i sure feel infected
nothing but you on my mind
nauseous over the broken promises you once said you'd never turn on
but now all you're turning on is the anxiety and depression inside of me
this black spot within, i once repressed
is now back and spreading like fire lit to forest green
because you are poisonous
yet
you are also my remedy"
yeah my bf broke up with me and it's really ******
 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
Suffocation
 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
written March 31, 2015

"Have you ever cried every day for two weeks straight?
I have
And although the tears were sporadic
My breaths were heavy and I had outbursts
These tears i'm experiencing, two weeks later
are hurting much much more
I'm not biting my tongue to hide my sobs
or crying into the pillow, late at night
Rather feelings the burn as each tear slowly runs down my cheeks
Every tear falls with a memory of you
and my heart is heavy tonight
I feel as if I'm suffocating
Because my heart and my head are in a rebuttal
Wishing two things upon myself
and I don't know where to go
I just want to stay still and do nothing for the rest of eternity
Who knew decisions could be this ******* someone
And why is it that the one who hurts you and treats you poorly
is the one you set your sights on
and want the most"
 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
written April 5, 2015

"Downing whisky like it's medicine
Downing sleeping pills like it's my life
I need someone to come along and make everything right
My mind is distorted when you're not around
I'm terribly mistaken and constantly feeling down
Most might see me as moved on
Truth is I still haven't grasped that you're gone
It hits me at times when I'm all alone
Or times where I'm out, away from home
But the times that cause the most amount of pain
Is the days where I hear 'he won't change'
Because you were my everything, why can't you see?
I ******* love you Alex
I made that easy to perceive"
I wrote this really drunk, and you still were the only thing on my mind
 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
written April 14, 2015

"Hiding the pain is becoming harder and harder each day
Why did you have to go away?
Why didn't you want me to stay?
Your claim says 'it's not you it's me'
But if that was the case, things wouldn't be
like this
I can't stop thinking about the times we kissed
And the flirtation between you and I
I just can't cope with this anymore
I can't stop feeling this way inside
I am constantly repressing it
acting like it doesn't matter
But when two people collide, talk for five months every day and then stop
their hearts should shatter
Mine has, like glass thrown on the floor
I have so much love for you, I want to show you more
But you cut me off like a tag on clothing
A quick snip, and we're done - I don't need you anymore
What you didn't know, was I was there for you, to help guide you you and chersh you
And I can't believe you did this to me
All I did was try to be the best to you
Because I love you dearly
This separation is nearly
the breaking point
for me"
 Apr 2015 Baylee
Harmony
written April 20, 2015

"Despiteful
Disdainful
Disrespectful
Distressed
Those that can't comprehend, are those being repressed
Those who only believe what they see and don't perceive that they're deemed to fall into those dreams and realities of those who they call leaders
But we're all cowards
Falling into each others words like lovers falling for each other
Sisters, mothers, and brothers
We're all one
But one does not mean together
When you're a follower
You see,
Our thoughts are twined together as children being fed Spaghettios that spell out the words we are forced fed to believe in
c o r r u p t i o n
Yummy
Yet what are we really entitled to in this life?
A ****** good career, college education, a wife?
What's been said is done and what's been branded into our minds as a life worth living
Is no where close to a life we're living
An office job, long hours, rarely sleeping at night
A beautiful woman by your side, yet no time for the night
Three caring children you adore, yet abhor their ability to block you out
Care free living is all they want
Yet your rules and ridicules are getting in the way of the way they want to be
Care free living is what they see
No curfew and "no tv"
It's obscene
So feed the children plain Cheerios and have them know their opinions are brought up in life
And everything you say is neither wrong nor right
And that the world is not this wonderful place it's brought out to be
Because freedom isn't  quite as free as it may seem"
one of my favorites
 Oct 2014 Baylee
ryn
Since you've been away
I've trailed the wake of the clouds
Just crumbling clay...
That lay in the shade that enshrouds
Depending on the ifs and mays.

   Wake up, my love...
Since you haven't been here
The sky did nothing but only sang
Ambient translations of mocks and jeers
As the green blades of earth bared their fangs
Mischievous songs that I've held dear.

     Wake up, my love...
Since you've been gone
I've realised that I'm not moving
And you too, haven't moved since last dawn
A reality all too disheartening
Bits of me all cut up and sawn.

         Wake up my love...
Since you've been missing
I am never whole, and never will
A lifetime of endless chasing
Bottomless jar without a seal
Void clustered emptiness in need of filling.

            Wake up, my love...
Since you've been absent
I could only hope for this lungful
To lead me to subsequent
Ones that taste like bitter pills encapsuled.
Mind full of drugs running rampant.

               Wake up, my love...
Since you wouldn't have known
What these days are like...
Time induced tumours have grown
The hours impale with temporal spikes...
Inseminating malignant thoughts soon to be sown.

                  Wake up, my love...
Since you've been away
I'm a player hoping for a fair game
Nonetheless still crumbling clay...
That lay in the dark just the same
Choking on the what ifs and what mays.
Wake up....Me...
 Sep 2014 Baylee
Kay
Never Alone
 Sep 2014 Baylee
Kay
I just want a place
where I can cry in peace
because I am not
all in one piece.
For a little bit longer
I just want to be alone
its hard to find silence
in this place we call home.
 Sep 2014 Baylee
Harmony
Confession
 Sep 2014 Baylee
Harmony
written December 2nd, 2013


"I decided to write you a confession
To confess all of my sin
And although I don't believe in sin
I decided to fill you in
You see, I'm not the perfect, innocent girl you may have perceived
No I'm not exactly how you see me
And I'm guilty

You see, I just wanted to tell you that you're little girl got drunk two times this break
And two of the times were with boys  much older sitting by the lake
I'm not trying to sound corny - this is all true
Yet, to her this is completely new
You see, your little girl never expected to lie
She said "bye" and then went to a boys house who's much older and...
I wonder what she's thinking deep down inside?
Is she just trying to mend her lonely desires or does she really like this guy?
And it's tearing me apart that you think I'm something else
I'm not trying to lie,
But sometimes when you're baby girl says "bye" she's going out to her friend's house to get high
And it's not exactly peer pressure
You see, she enjoys these feelings too
It really helps distract her mind, to get a clearer view

So she decided to write you a confession
To confess all her sin
And I'm sorry if all of this gets under your skin
Please don't cry any tears, and get stuck in the water
Love you 'sweet and innocent' daughter"
This is supposed to be a poem directed to my parent's kind of just telling them about my experimentation with rebellious actions that they would not be proud of.
 Sep 2014 Baylee
Caitlin S
Her scent is left faded yet not forgotten,
A tarnish in my deepest soul,
The sillage of your presence
Lingers ever more.   Could I ever ask you to return?
Absolutely,
But I fear the darkness of rejection,
More than never knowing.
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