April: Poems

Silence

April May 2014

Silence

in the silence
our thoughts are the loudest
they're the creaks of the floorboards
letting us know
we are not alone
whether the voices are good or bad
the silence really will never invade our minds

#sad #silence #voices

Silences

April May 2015

Silences

My shoulders are tense
hands nervous
silence is air- constant and needed

right now
silence is smog
seizing my lungs
demanding on my eyes

my mind, frantic
tells my eyes not to surrender
amongst this deafing silence
people are all around

I must
relax and breathe
wait,
for sound is invetiable - abrubt but equilibrium
it is true- life is about
the smiles and the frowns

I'm sorry there may be some spelling errors.. I'm posting this on my phone. And i wrote it during class so idk how well it is

#sad #life #silence #tense

Simple

April May 2014

Simple

they always say someone is out there
your hero
the savior of your nightmares
but what if
no one is out there
what if they got it all wrong
what if
i have to be strong
because I'm the only one

Just simple thoughts.. maybe no one is out there waiting for me

Sleep

April Mar 2014

Sleep

Its so early
But you say its late
Morning will be rough
My eyes will water just to open
My muscles will ache
The clock reads 3am
I'm still wide awake
I don't know whats the use
I try, I try, I try
I just seem to have excuse after excuse
Maybe one day sleep will come to me
the same way it comes to you

Soon, so Soon

April Sep 2014

Soon, so Soon

i can feel your grasp slipping from mine
soon so soon
you'll feel the pavement
the rough truth
and
you'll find it's so much easier
to get hurt
without me
by your side

i know you you tell me every chance you can
you're strong, you can do this
but I know you,
your vision is blurry
each step is going to be a struggle

but tonight you're still here
and you're mine

Soul

April May 2019

Soul

my soul,
so quick to scurry
as you pass me by,
still yearns for you late at night

I didn't believe your grandest
smile
could pull me back in
but here I am... right back to your side,
held so tight

oh my soul, where did you lose your fight?

#love #life

Souls Apart

April Aug 2014

Souls Apart

we're back to walks during the noon hour
hands linked
you make sure to be one step ahead
we're in a cafe
pizza slices between the two of us
your cutting my slice in tiny pieces
we're in the car driving fast
going up a hill
you and I anticipate for the depart down
we're together
always
in my memories
I just wish we're together in soul

#gone

Souls Together

April Apr 2014

Souls Together

i skim over each line my shaky hands form
each letter so distinguished from the last
i like to see what i create
but with you
your eyes meet mine
you've read each thought I had
i wonder do you understand
and then the room is silent
everyone is gone
your ready to leave
each twitch of the finger
i know you want to go
but you stay
and all you create is a enigma in my mind
each passing of the sunset clock
i watch the crevices in your gentle silhouette
and wonder
what it would take for your soul to truly meet mine

Spark in my Universe

April Dec 2016

Spark in my Universe

Never did I think
I could be this way
I am the center of your universe,
you grip my hand,
I close my eyes
and all I can see are the stars

Never did I imagine
I could hold my own weight, but yours as well
I stand tall
even when you let me go,
I close my eyes to the darkness,
but its still bright, and I remember
You've touched me everywhere

Never did I believe , my fears would vanish
and it's all because of you

Yet,
You don't understand
the impact you make
and every which way I phrase it
I can't capture how magnificent
you truly are

So this is my thank you,
this is my testament,
you're worth my whole world
and one day I hope you'll see
you're not ordinary
you've been a shining star this whole time

We all come across someone who can be the farthest from ordinary, yet they can't distinguish their greatness from others.

#love #life #hope #thoughtful #universe #spiritual

Speak Up

April May 2017

Speak Up

I let him touch me
trace the curve of my spine
Glide his fingertips over all my insecurities
I told myself it would be okay

Now I'm thinking
maybe from the start
I wasn't okay

It had made sense
they were
lips locked- hands searching
finding nothing but bliss

So why couldn't I find the same?

It started off slow
a flick of the light switch
a giggle past closed lips
then he tugged on my shirt
I went with the flow

Why did I ignore my inner pleas?

Side by side
I couldn't feel any closer
a tickle of breath on my neck
hands trailing
I told him to stop

Or so I thought I did
because quiet is my game
and sometimes words fail to make it past my lips

regardless
she tells me I'm not wrong to feel the way I do
but aren't I?
I can't comprehend what I want
or how I should feel

I'm a walking calamity
I just need to learn how to speak

I go so long without writing poems that when I like yearn to write sometimes but nothing makes sense

Spiral into the Future

April Oct 2014

Spiral into the Future

I want out, but that's a joke

I'm not going to make it to Europe or the islands
I'm not going to make it to the city
some days i can't even make it out of bed

why
everything passes my eye
spinning
years and years I still can't explain the motion

then there's the hate
I'm screaming to get up, to stop
to be normal

but within a second I'm sobbing to empty walls
I try to be quiet
but it's tearing through my lungs

I'm a lost cause
there's no cure
for my mind

so don't bother
your efforts, your support,
its all a waste of time
for a girl who
is cheating her life

Spring Coming

April Feb 20

Spring Coming

where did i go

in the mirror
eyes vacant
hair thin
lips ruby raw

spring on the rise
sun rays warmer each day
i’ll find me again

SpringTime Scene

April May 2018

SpringTime Scene

A chill swept through the air-
throwing the leaves from their branches,
twirling the blades of grass,
hiding the sun from sight.

After it's retreat
a calm settled everywhere-
a silence touched the soil,
a whisper spread through the trees,
the sun shining so bright.

Nestled, low to the ground
the rabbits,
ears stretching to the sky,
peered around- only in curious wonder.

Stand on Me

April Nov 2014

Stand on Me

I’m on the floor clutching my chest
You stood on me for years
Every second, imprinting my soul

The blackness is creeping on the edges of my sight
Green grass and the sparkling sun lies miles away

And more and more
I can taste the blood on my tongue
bitter and strong

You were here
And I can’t forget- rid you of my memory
I need to breathe
Why did you think you could stand on me?

feedback welcome x

Stars

April Mar 2014

Stars

Its so daunting
To have eyes lock on your own
Your natural color,
your natural being
shown under bright lights
Some stars shine
others seem to fade
Some enlarge
others shrink
When the light is cast downward
Do you shine or do you shrink?

starting from the ground

April Aug 2014

starting from the ground

i said goodbye
underneath the barren tree
tears flowing down my cheeks
i couldn't fathom- why
gone to early
her soul flying high
i hope at least she was happy

i found her in the stacks
piled beside her a mountain of books
brows furrowed
eyes burning holes in the pages
beneath her clenched hold

i met her in the queue
down cast
sullen
as if each second passing by
deemed to be her last

i dreamed of her
driving a stick shift car
her hair flowing
laughter all around her

as young as could be
i watched my parents
each step they took
glee all around them
i waited for
what was made for me
right from the beginning

can be read both from top or bottom

Stop Crying

April Dec 2018

Stop Crying

I know you're leaving me soon
& I'm suffocating
just the mention of your name
& I'm in tears
they show me your picture
& I'm desperate for forever

please don't go
I don't want to miss you

Strong Tears

April Sep 2015

Strong Tears

she settles in sadness
she breathes in fear

his words are the windows
daring her to find someone near
yet, his hands are the doors
that isolate her from everyone

she lived in sadness
she breathed through fear

in the end
her tears were the structure,
too strong,
for her to disappear

feedback appreciated

#love #sad #life #pain #hurt

Subway Endeavors

April Aug 2016

Subway Endeavors

Eyes are staring
my mind is screaming
all my flaws are on display

but those eyes
their not mocking
their memorizing

they smirk and
they lust to sit beside me,
for their hands to ***** at my flesh

I'm a pretty face
and a decent body

they can't hear the voice inside my mind
or understand the fear
that strangles me

they want action
and if I was alone
I know they would have
taken the lead

because to them- my greatness is

a pretty face
and a decent body

and I can't find someone
who wants my thoughts
before the softness of my skin

I'm sorry but I feel very uncomfortable and anxious when men a lot older than me stare me down but I guess that comes with a whole other story I'm not going to tell

#life #lonely #people #struggle

Summer

April Mar 2014

Summer

The summer was late nights
So late the sun was starting to rise
The summer was friends attached to the hip
Hours, days, weeks spent side by side
Her summer was
sleepless nights
permanent frown
hushed tones
and most importantly it was being alone

Take All of Me

April Apr 2015

Take All of Me

she can't hear a sound
forest green
creatures all around
some run, some climb, some sleep
they come and they go

she huddles against a cave
darkness closing in
she remembers what it used to be

camp forest fire
roasting marshmallows
circle of friends,lovers

they left her- stranded
she was too nice
they were able to walk on top of her
she was too indecisive
they asked for her money and they ran
she was too kind
they took her advice and they made it back

now she sits
all alone
night seeps in
she knows she doesn't have too long
*till she's all gone

some people are way too kind and nice and people just take advantage of them.. and they give so much, and they never get anything back. Eventually they realize this and they seek to change.

#love #life #sadness #alone #gone #nice

Take my Control

April Aug 2018

Take my Control

one more step
two more breaths
three more praises
that's all it would take
then she'd really be free

but then he stood in front of her
that smirk already crossing his lips

even though she wanted freedom
his pull was strong
stronger than she could ever be

yet...he was letting her decide
she could still choose herself

but,
five steps backwards
four shaky breaths
three denial thoughts
that's all it took
for her to let him control her once again

Taken Over

April Jun 2015

Taken Over

I wanna feel normal
content
what I'm supposed to feel - beside you

beside you
shaking
I don't want to feel your rough hands
attacking mine

but, beside you
I do,
and the minutes between your goodbye & your hello
I'm wondering
where I went wrong

and months later
if I'm sitting alone
safe, I'll still feel your strength
terrorizing mine
because you've become
the voice inside my head

beside you
I've lost all control

I haven't written a poem in so long, again.. ahaha hope this okay. Feedback welcomed!

#love #depression #life #sadness #negativity

Tattoo

April Mar 2014

Tattoo

She asked me if I had a tattoo
I told her
Yes, my tattoo marks upon my chest
stretched long and wide it resembles all my pride
what pride she asked
I said
my lungs are breathing
my blood is pumping
what more could I ask for
I did not include
that my tattoo long and wide has stitches all around
Every night
it burns my flesh
its spews the shakes' like a mini earthquake
By morning
I pick up the rubble
and curse the day I added this sentimental devil

Tattoo Tribute

April Mar 2018

Tattoo Tribute

The ink is so fresh
and the pain was worth it,
now your initials rest upon my skin.
Whenever I want,
I can trace the black rose
and I feel a love- I imagine you had for me.

You may be gone
But, you're imprinted on me
forever

Tell me a story

April Apr 2019

Tell me a story

tell me a story
one where we're so in love
& make sure the ending is a happy one

because I'm exhausted of turning tear stained pages with shaky fingers
always hoping
this one will be different

#love #sad #hope #happiness #strong

The battle in her mind

April Apr 2014

The battle in her mind

They say she's
bright smiles
always handing in her work on time
quick to be a guiding hand
she says
these are all lies
for she has something so great
green eyes
sharp teeth
scaly skin
fighting a battle in her mind
and she's on the losing side

The Dandelion

April May 2014

The Dandelion

she sat underneath the great oak tree
she felt nothing
she heard nothing
beside her bruised knees
lay a dandelion
ripped from its roots
well maybe it was already on its way out
but she thought
what a shame
because it screamed for help
oh she could hear it
and oh
she could feel
the desperation the anger the terror
oh she felt

she blinked her eyes
the dandelion was gone
but she could still feel
and she could still hear
then she realized
there was never a dandelion

she heard
and she felt
her own pain, anger, terror

it was her all along

#anger #pain #hurt

The Fight

April Jan 2019

The Fight

with
skin as cold as ice
eyes as dark as night
and a mind as loud as a siren
I need to muster enough strength
to continue this fight

The Monster

April Aug 2014

The Monster

I could lock the doors
shut the windows
throw away the keys
ravage everything in sight
until my thoughts seep in my bones
and they ache, scream you should end it all

but

then you open my eyes
you deliver air to my drought filled lungs
build me up
and you leave my mind buzzing

until my eyes blur
and i wake up knowing it was just a dream

the monster still haunts
*everything

The Path We Take

April Jan 2015

The Path We Take

I try to navigate
take the longer path
hope the roads confuse me
hope they create an illusion,
not even the steadiest eyes could endure

I try to memorize what I need to explain
hope a beast surrounds me and takes my breath away
hope it leaves me with no chance to speak again

I try to persuade myself it's all going to be okay
but really
i wish it wasn't me
who had to carry the bags
explain the mess

eventually I run out of roads to take,
fake illusions to make, and their are no more beasts that could possibly harm me

so i tell them the truth

'the pain hurts every single day, and I'm afraid, his memory is never going away'

and if a tear or two falls down my cheeks
I turn my back and accept - i've done my best.

I feel like this is long and I'm not sure if it sounds okay and if i really need all of it. But posting for now. Comments appreciated :D

#life #pain #hurt #hesgone

The story of Us

April May 2014

The story of Us

In the beginning
on the dew covered grass
with the stars laughing in the sky
her arms found mine
everything was unintentional, as if it was the greatest surprise
us, her, I

In the middle
on the silky sand dunes
with the sun dancing in the sky
the space between her and I, expanded
everything was fast, as if on a planned schedule
us, her, I

At the end
on the flannel sheets
with the fan spinning on the ceiling
the air we breathed, touched, was separated by a glass window
everything was moping, as if heavily medicated

and this time
it was just her
no more us
no more "I"

I'm not sure how people will interpret this... I'm kinda curious as to how people see it.

The Wait

April Jan 2015

The Wait

We spend the majority of our lives waiting.
She waits for the July heat to give her a healthy glow,
he waits for the winter ice to skate with his friends.
Regardless, we wait
and some of us are fortunate to receive the pleasure,
or the satisfaction we were waiting for.
Some of us
we wait,
and wait, yet
we don't get the picture perfect snowflakes,
or the beach trips with our friends.

Months, maybe even years,
and we get just one day
to say,
or better yet
conclude
how we really feel-or how we felt
because
our outcome
wasn't worth waiting for.
And now

the time we have to wait
is no longer there,
and were left with just one feeling

regret

Maybe this makes sense, and someone can relate. Or maybe I'm just rambling like always :)

#life #regret #hope #waiting

Thoughts

April Feb 2018

Thoughts

she thought this moment
as she sat in the back room
tears sliding down her cheeks,
elevator music would be perfect

and when the others' came
she fell in line behind them
feet following, left... right
mind devoid,
but a small thought, human touch would be perfect

then it was over
tears as dry as the desert,
silence as loud as nothingness could be,
so bare, she was alone

she thought

the only touch she'd ever get again was her own,
and the only music she'd hear was her breathing
in.. *out

Thoughts Ashore

April Apr 2019

Thoughts Ashore

why was it so easy to spill my thoughts ashore
I wasn't afraid to see them travel, near or far

then you came along,
and I just couldn't let my anchor drop,

....why can't I tell you my thoughts?

#love #thoughts #life #sad #hopeful

Tired Is All

April Apr 2014

Tired Is All

im tired of trying
im tired of being okay in your eyes
the terror
the screaming agony
they're going to come out
darling, i hope your ready
for you're gonna meet
me
for who i really am

TML

April Nov 2018

TML

I want to hold your hand
as I did when the panic settled in
Your touch was enough
to make me feel like everything was going to be okay

I want to turn my head and see your face
that smile on you- I could never erase
no matter- whatever I did

You have always been my angel
just now, you are my angel in the sky

I miss you

Too Little Control

April Jul 2017

Too Little Control

She doesn't like the way they watch her
they hear her voice
and she can't control the conclusions they come up with
she doesn't like the way her hands shake
how her eyes can't focus

she doesn't like attention on her

because when she was too young
she had too many people watching her every move
and there were
too many voices
too many conclusions
too many hands guiding her into unfamiliar hugs
and worst of all, her eyes couldn't find him,
because he was gone

Too many words

April May 2014

Too many words

Dear Dad,
...

Dear Father,
...

I've tried so many ways to say this
so many sentences
details to add
details to delete

i never seem to get it right
I will never be satisfied

I think I found my answer
they speak of hands embracing
sparks flowing from finger tip to finger tip

and that's just it
I can't even get satisfaction over a letter

why

because you will never read it
that's why I can't find the right words to say
because there's just to many words
that will flow
without any meaning

and I just can't let that happen

you're gone

To Open the Jar

April Jul 2014

To Open the Jar

there's nothing poetic i can write
to describe how much pain
loneliness i feel
with out you
right by my side
because i can't capture my emotions
bottle them up
open them up
just for you
in doing so I would need strength
and that was smothered
the day you left

Touch me again

April Mar 2019

Touch me again

a touch like yours
could resolve anything

and the chaos that follows me
needs to be tamed

To win

April Jul 2014

To win

we wait for the magic to flow
through our finger tips
to the paper below
we are artists in our game
our competitors
only come from within
what we choose
and what we don't
our inspiration
it's what makes us win

Tracing the cracks

April Jun 2015

Tracing the cracks

From this point on
we won't speak again
our eyes dancing across one another-
a distant memory

we won't race
our legs grazing one another-
a feeling so far away

from this point on
I am numb

mornings I will spend
tracing the wall
catching each crack beneath my fingertips,
pondering
how the sunbeams seem to flow over each one

and if a tear falls down my cheek
I'll blame it on the dust
because I'm alone
and I'm perfectly *fine

another poem !

#love #life #sadness #alone #anxiety

Truth of the Pain

April Jan 2015

Truth of the Pain

today he told me he wants to be with me
and I couldn't tell him the same
I'm looking back and I can't remember
what I did
to seek the eyes of someone greater than me

if we sat together
he'd have to watch the space between us
and if he grabbed my hands
he'd have to bite his tongue
rid his questions
when I pull away

when I return
happy or sad or breathing heavy
he'd have to comfort me
and those questions
there starting to pile up
and then I'm gone again

if we're in a hotel
or traveling the world
he'd have to shield his eyes
when the tears
and the shakes of my shoulders
won't go away

his questions are overflowing and he's ready to burst

I can't let him endure it all
just to be with me
so I tell him this pain
and I'm not surprised when I'm all alone again

trying

April Apr 2019

trying

trace your hands across my skin
pull me closer
look into my eyes
find me

I'm
b
e
g
g
i
n
g

please, let me feel, once again
please, let me be me, once again

#love #loss #heart #break #lost #sad #life

Uncertainty of Life

April Jul 2017

Uncertainty of Life

'The smoke might burn my lungs
but the feeling is worth it
isn't it?'
she asks me

'because feeling anything
is better than feeling nothing

and watching the clouds beside you'
she reckons 'is better than
thinking of them alone

because I rather feel agony
see despair
wallow in grief
than just sit alone and be numb

uncertainty already took one person from me'
she tells me
then she grabs my hand tight
and she says
'I want to be uncertain together'

and to that
I can't think of a word
but I know pulling her tight
is enough tonight

July 29th 2017

#death #life #questions #struggle #love

Under the Stars

April Aug 2014

Under the Stars

I met a guy
he was tough
muscles huge
eyes a jade green
all my knowledge
told me not to talk to him
he'll mess with your mind
but I did
and now here we are
lying under the stars
everything far from our reach
except our hands
linked together
we're happy

made a happy poem or at least more positive then most !

Unimportant

April Mar 2014

Unimportant

My words are raw
conversation is bleak
they watch me like a paper doll
always expecting me to break
they don't realize
beady eyes
thick air
gentle hands
suffocate me
I need S P A C E
(when they realize)
It may be just to late

* new account*

Untitled

April Jul 2014

Untitled

i write about us
he works for them
my stories inspire
his work benefits every other
we both dream
we both work hard
but in the end
        we
             both
                    fall

Untitled

April Jun 2014

Untitled

none of it was art
it was complicated
it deserved to be like the crinkled sheets of paper on the ground
it was a waste

they found it
torn and shredded to tiny pieces
they would take hours to make it uncomplicated
and when they did
it would be a work of art
they knew