i didn’t want rain.
i wanted beauty.
i wanted to see the rising sun
touch the blooming flowers
and i wanted to fall in love
with the glow of the sunset.
but it rained.
maybe i needed the rain,
because i needed to remember
that rain makes
the blooming flowers grow
and rain brings rainbows
and it washes away the
ugliness and brings back beauty.
and maybe i needed the rain
to remind me that i won’t always
be broken, that the brokenness
will be made whole, that this
season one day will be a dim memory,
that You will wipe away my tears,
that You make it rain on my heart
so that flowers can bloom in it,
so rainbows can fill the
skies of my soul.
maybe i just needed it to rain.

I'm trying to remember the exact moment
When playing in the sand box was too childish
When playing dolls was for "little kids"
I'm trying to remember what exactly it felt like
to be a small child
Whose smile was full of mischief and opportunities

I'm trying to remember the exact moment when
boys became cute
And make up became the cool thing to wear
I'm trying to remember what exactly it felt like to
only have to worry about how to make him like me

I'm trying to remember the exact moment when
the only thing in this world that mattered was being happy
when being happy meant truly everything.

Life is full of twists and turns
ups and downs
I might be sick after this one

I've been trying to find solace in this moment and that moment
only to realize the only solace I can find is within
time within
is not seconds
is not minutes
it is not counted as time here
it is simply until it is right
until it is perfect
that is what time is with in
That is how one can find solace, peace
with in
It can not be found in these moments
nor in those days
only within.

I guess I would have to let him go.

"But you said he was a part of you."

     *So what about it?

"Then you'd have to lose a part of yourself too."

     *That's the point: it's the time I'll lose myself tonight... But this time it won't be by his side.

You may not have been birthed in the soil,
and granted,
you will not blossom
when spring melts winters wake
but inside of you
grows a thousand gardens
full of exploding stars.
You are of the earth
and your ashes
have been constructed with stardust,
and set free with the wind.
So you may not have a pretty face,
and your body may hold stories
of too many moonless nights alone.
But if you reach inside,
you will find a forest
for a ribcage
and a restless ocean heart.
So don't ever let anyone tell you
you are nothing.
You are a galaxy
holding a million different planets,
and my dear,
that is not nothing.

I won't say "I wish you were here."
Because I wish I wasn't.
I won't say "I miss you, my dear."
Because you know that already.
I won't say "I'll wait for when you are near."
Because we both know I can't.

But I will say this:

Though it's cold and dark and wild,
Your words will keep me warm.
And though I'm just a lonely child,
You mean so much more.
As I leave the eye of the storm,
And deadly, raging clouds form,
The memory of the calm before,
Will remind me all of me is yours,
And there is no way I'll let anything you own be lost.
So I'll take care of my yearning heart,
I'll comfort my mind with your words of art,
I'll let my mouth smile and let my lungs sigh,
So that my eyes won't have to cry,
So when I see you again, I can be happy with no cost.

And just one more thing, that you already know,
I love you no matter what, and no matter where I go.