It had been interrupting us all night
That electricity between us that we tried to reach by sitting closer, letting our eyes whisper and our thighs caress longing words to each other, making sure we were always together
Our laughter mixed and our hands clasped in our knees

I swear, that night we could have caught fire

And all those feelings we had craved so greedily finally threatened to explode upon us right where we stood,
drunk and inches away from each other, packed on a trash can, trying to reach the sky from the roof
and I knew that if I just looked up,
we would fall into each other and never come back up

So I didn't

I didn't allow us to scream all that we had felt during the night
Instead, I stared down, hiding from your gaze full of dreams, tucking it all far away in my heart,
stashing it so my boyfriend would never find it

Today the words are too close.
Maybe tomorrow I can breathe again.

What if *** is there just to give us a release,
to let out all the anger and disappointment
we otherwise just stash up behind a smile

Maybe it's a way to let that long finger out
from our pocketless pants
and throw it in their ignorant faces

A ******* smack in the face
When you're talking about what you've been doing
over new years eve
over birthdays
over every ******* weekend

And you're not even considerate about my feelings anymore
guess you've forgot the part I was of your group
how important I was

Now, I'm just a friend and nothing more
whilst you continue
living life together
as a whole

'What is worse' you say,
'is being left
without a choice
and the only thing you can do
is to adapt to the situation
of being alone'

And as I dry my eyes on my hand, I say 'no'

'What is worse is having to face the decision
over and over again
without coming closer to knowing
what is right
or wrong'.

'What is worse' I say,
'is to be next to someone
and still be alone,
and not knowing
if you're gonna crush their world
or ignoring your own.

So no, what is worse
is to never truly understand
what you should
or shouldn't
have done
and yet,
the choice is always at your hands'

I just want someone who,
above all,
craves me,
wants me,
desires me
and my perfect imperfections

A passion expressed in love,
not one that turns into insecurity
and disbelief

When your chest is weighing you down,
shrinking you into fetal position,
then it's hard to miss being able to breath lighlty
because every inch of you are trying to resist
getting stuck on the ground

every inch of you are trying to fight those ghosts in your head
that the demanding och oppressing world around you summoned,
called upon,
without bothering telling how you would get rid of them
without even caring if you did
as long as they didn't have to carry it all by themselves

and how could you ever have kept track on yourself
when so many have pushed themselves upon you,
plunged into your heart, forcing them into your hopefull mind,
breaking down the childish, open mind that had survived so far
but not this.
Not this.

And the weight and darkness of everyone else
seeking shelter in your loving soul
took over
leaving no space for you
so how could your clear breath had survived?
How could anyones air not get polluted and trapped?
And how could you even miss the lightness of your breath
once you started to believe it was only a myth
because you hadn't felt it in so long,
you had just felt everyone else's writched breath

But through all this
you found that the ground wasn't quicksand
and yes, maybe your innocence never will fully recover
but you will find the ability to blindly believe again
to throw yourself out there, trusting the leap of yourself
trusting that everything will be solved
because hey,
against all odds,
you just made it through.