aa - Hello Poetry

aa Jul 2016

i am scared of not being loved.
i am scared that when im 45 years old,
i will climb to bed alone,
wishing, regretting.
i am scared of not being worthy of love.
i believe in true love and soulmates,
i just don't believe that it's for me.
i am terrified.

what if they find my body days after i died, all alone in my bedroom?

#love #scared #true #soulmates #soulmate #terrified

aa May 2016

the bane of my existence

i have a head made out of rock,
a body filled with poison,
and a void soul.

i am afraid
that my greatest strength
turns out to be my achilles heel.

i am looking at a blank canvas
with spots of red and blue and black.
i assume, i judge, and i am,
more often than not, obdurate.

sometimes, all i want is an answer,
but when they give it to me,
i can't listen because
the voices in my head
are telling me that i should just go
and that i have endured enough.

i am terrified of the voices in my head
that keep telling me that i am not
pretty enough
good enough
smart enough
because despite the fact that i know
that i am enough,
they still get me down.

i want to be myself,
but isn't the voices inside my head
is a part of what made me who i am?

#afraid #soul #answer #canvas #void #enough #stubborn #obdurate #posion #achilles

aa May 2016

i would rather leave than be left

i have little tolerance of people
maybe that's why
i have few people that i like
and fewer more that i enjoy to be around.

i had tried to have a lot of friends
i had a lot of friends
but i learned that
the amount of time i spent
trying to fit in
is not worth the hurt
that follows when they leave

maybe that's why
whenever my close friends
have new friends
and they got closer to them
than they are to me

i leave

because i would rather leave
than be left behind

lol maybe that's why i only have 3 friends now

#friends #afraid #scared #time #leave #hurt #friendship #relationship #new #left

aa Mar 2016

when a beginning felt like an ending

Have you ever met someone and thought,
"Whatever this is, it's never going to last"?
I have.
The first time I caught his eyes and saw his smile, I knew.
I knew that he was going to leave.
That was the time when a beginning felt like an ending.
When he was around, I only saw caution signs
telling me to turn back.
I had no guarantee. No promises. No nothing.
But I guess I was a *******.
Because I had hope for him to stay.
But alas, he didn't.
At the end, I was right.
He left me.
I never had a choice.
He was going to leave either way.

#love #poem #poetry #sad #hope #ending #feeling #beginning #******* #caution

aa Jan 2016

anesthesia

There isn't a feeling like being awake undergoing a surgery.
I guess it was a lot like being hurt by someone you loved.
I guess it was a lot like loving him.
You know you are being hurt. You feel the scissors, the knife, you feel them pulling, you feel them cutting, but you don't feel hurt.
You know they're hurting you, but deep inside, you choose to not feel the hurt. You choose to be numb. You choose to believe they aren't hurting you.
But then you can't take it anymore, and there's nothing you can't do. So you let them to keep hurting you. And they keep hurting and hurting until they take something from you.
No matter how small, how irrelevant. how good or how bad. It's still something.
They took something from you. A piece of you that you're never getting back. And the minute they get that something, they stop hurting They leave.
And when they leave, there's nothing else but an ocean of hurt. Everything you do hurt. Every word you speak hurt. Everything you do reminds you of them.

#love #heartbreak #poem #feelings #poetry #hurt #heartbroken #emotions #prose #surgery