Forever was just
an excuse
to be
close to you.

They try to silence me
when my passion sings
for I am not like you
caged birds
with clipped wings.

I have crawled,
walked,
ran
and taken flight.

So it will take
more than
a wish
to end me
tonight.

I think I'll fall asleep in an hour
I think I'll be dead in a week
I'm sick of bitter arrogance-
it isn't something unique.
In fact it's kind of grotesque
the way I choose to progress
it's like i'm slowly
cutting from my
feet
and stopping
at my chest.
Do you get it yet?
Do you find it hard to understand?
Am I not what you were looking for
or do I need to be better than I am?
I'm only asking.
I think that's fair.
But then again I'm getting acquainted with
despair.
I tell myself it isn't real.
I try to believe that you care.
But all that goes out the window when
I see you are not there.
It's unusual;
the way I trip
over myself.
Therapists and teachers
always said I needed help.
But I didn't believe them.
Ignorant was how I felt.
Trapped, corner,
isolated-
I was ****** with what was dealt.
Just know that I didn't keep it.
I just walked right on out.
And for every moment
I've been defeated-
at least I wasn't

someone else.

I was high on LSD when we first met.
And there is nothing poetic in that statement.
Just honesty.
And you can take that for what it is
but I want you to know this
because even when my skin
was crawling-
you made me feel comfortable.

You were an abrupt kind of bliss
and I could not have been happier
with the light I had suddenly found.

You guessed I was a cancer
and I did not answer
because you saw in my eyes
you knew you were right.

And it was in that moment
I felt a connection
with the kind of
complexion
that was sure to

leave me every night.

I guess it was foolish of me to think
you would stay.

High hopes
and low expectations
is what they say
but I just cannot accept that
these days.

It is getting hard to hold my head up
when all I do is think of you
but my friends keep telling me
that I will make it through
even though

you don't miss me anymore.

If someone wanted you
in their life
they would
make the effort
to see that you are.

That old cliché term
"actions speak
louder than words"
holds true
and I am just here
to warn you
that not every
friend

is a friend

and they
do not care
the way they
say they do.

Eight times
out of Ten
you probably
face your hardships
alone
and even though
it is not always
graceful-

you survive-

and it takes about
   twenty something years
to realize




                 most humans will never be good to you.


-Andrew Durst.

Life does not always work out as planned.
There are certain situations and
certain circumstances that
are simply out of our control
and we have to do our best to
accept the fact that
we are powerless.

This is something in my life that I have
always struggled to admit
let alone
try to understand.

There is a dwelling desire

        to always want to know

and there is nothing in this world
that has burdened me more.

I have been through relationships
both casual and
                           significant
             and most of them have
one thing in common;

   they came to an end
at the extent of my
              over-pushing hands.

And even though both sides
were to blame-

I oftentimes found the
scale of suffering
to be tipped

    in my favor.

You see,

I am tired of countless nights
of questiong my self worth.

I am exhausted and
depleted of all my
"excess positivity"

    there comes a point in every humans life
        where you realize
               no one is worth
                                making you feel
                                        insignificant.

Stil­l-
it is hard to say goodbye.

And it is even harder to
begin again
knowing you will have
to do some of it

               alone

but
there will be a day

where your own company
is not so bad.


And I hope it comes for you
just as much as I hope it
comes for me;

where every morning
feels

like a victory.

-Andrew Durst.