Everyone have their own problems
but they seem so happy...

is happiness fake?

feels torturing to smile
feels like a burden to live
to cut a smile on my face
something’s wrong with me
with this fainted heart
it’s... so...
confusing
what is wrong with me?
my frail heart can’t carry this weight
just... wait...
for me
i... will be there soon.

if only i was my old self
i didn’t need to worry much
just had homeworks and tests
thats all
the new me
the changed me
the messed up me
that now knows everything
loneliness
fear
trauma
and everything else
that changed the light into darkness
changed the happy me
the pure innocent me
the old me..
that was carefree

i never felt so useless in my life
u suffered all by yourself
i thought i could help u
but when u said
i couldn’t carry your problems
and even said yourself would burden me
u didn’t have anyone
physically
u said u cast your problems to God
but u need someone don’t u
however u often think
u are a burden to people
then how about myself
i told u my problems
yet u quietly helped me
n suffered yourself without telling me
all these time
i thought that i could
help u
but when u said i couldn’t
i... i couldn’t take it..
u could take my problems
so why can’t i do it for u

i didn’t know i meant so little to u
when u said that u didn’t care
if we ever talked anymore
u crushed my heart to million pieces
i thought... i... at least i.. meant something to u?
well u did to me
were all those u said to me
lies?
i can’t believe i’d ever trust u
i can’t believe that i’d ever thought u were the one
months and months
of crying
thinking that it was true love
but now i snapped out of it
and i guess it wasn’t

there is no us anymore
i wish i could go back to the times
that us existed
but without u
us won’t exist
and without me
us will be broken
trust
heart
all smashed to million pieces
broken
picking up those pieces
stitching them back
to the right places
hoping that they won’t leave a scar
hoping that it would look the same
hoping that u would come back

only the first few pages
scribbled with thoughts
it was five years ago
yet u only wrote that much
but through those
i already saw
what went on
im sorry i didn’t see that earlier
im sorry for not noticing
i thought u didn’t know me
yet i was wrong
i didn’t know u
u were suffering so much
yet keeping quiet the whole time
why didn’t u tell me anything
not even one thing u told me
u should have let me know earlier
u should have told me something
now its too late
i can’t do anything
i teared up after seeing what u wrote
im sorry for not noticing what was going on

are my only friends
the shadows around me
they seem to follow me everywhere
and accompany me
like a friend would
are u my friend?
come and take my hand
bring me into your world
we shall disappear