i should've known
stolen glances
were just that

stolen

he was remarkable
he was intelligent
he was kind
he was...the worst thing that ever happened to me

going back to
the person who
made your life
toxic is like
re-watching your favorite movie
in hope of a different
ending each time

When I was 5 I wanted to be a doctor
Until I realized I cried every time I needed a shot
Winced when I saw someone fall
And wanted to ***** when I saw blood.

When I was 7 I wanted to be a veterinarian
Until I realized I was more connected to animals
Than I was to humans
And I cried every time my dog so much as limped.

When I was 10 I wanted to be a teacher
Until I realized I could never let my students go
And would be too concerned about what they’re going through
That I wouldn’t even know what to teach them.

When I was 13 I wanted to be a lawyer
Until I realized I shook every time something bad happened
And if I ****** at arguing with my brother
How could I argue for someone’s future?

When I was 15 I wanted to be a CEO
Until I realized people would have to know my name
And I’d have to tell them what to do
When I didn’t even know what I was doing.

When I was 17 I wanted to be an author
Until I realized I couldn’t even read my own work
Let alone let my family and friends read it
Let alone let strangers read it.

When I’m grown up
All I really want to be
Is so content with where I’m at
That I don’t need to look too far in the future.

When I grow up
I just want a roof over my head
A job I love
And a family that loves me.

When I grow up
I don’t care what I’m doing
Or where I am
As long as I’m happy.

You look like home
Like my dad’s hugs
And my mom’s kisses
And family cuddles

You look like home
Like the beaten down couch
And my brother’s music
And my sister’s paintings

You look like home
Like dark orange walls
And just a little too cold
And with some hard edges

You look like home
Like the torn up garden
And my dog’s face when we leave
And winds whistling around the corners

You look like home
And I don’t want to go home

The final two
Her and I
Hand in hand
Like this won’t change a thing
As we await the results

She squeezes my hand
Whispers a gentle
It’s going to be us three
Like always
And i believe it

And as her name is called
I still believe it
Us three
Nothing will change
There was no real winner

If she doesn’t live up to the title
Here i’ll be
To take her position
To take on the roll
And all the responsibilities

She didn’t
And you come crawling to me
Begging me to take the title
To take her place
That i should’ve won anyway

I gladly take it
Because why wouldn’t I
It’s all i’ve ever wanted
You and I
The two as it’s supposed to be

While she’s off on her scandal
It’s as if the competition never happened
And it’s three years ago all over again
With me in the job
And all of the responsibilities


But the scandal lightens
Not as bad as you thought
And suddenly i’m not the winner
And i stand with a crown on my head
And a meaningless title

But you continue to tell me I won
As you tell her the same thing
And how she always says
It’s us three
Even though we know it never will be

But i let it go
As the curtain drops
As the cameras stop rolling
As the audience goes home
As you act like the scandal never happened

And here I am
As I watch the competition back
As I notice how this all really happened
How it is through a different lense
And I turn the television off

And I walk away