I don't think it's right that I get uncomfortable with the thought of meeting a man because of what I fear is expected of me. Even more so the fact that more often than not, I am right, and I have to pry myself away from their wandering hands and expectant lips. They always try for more, even after being told no. They make lame *** excuses to touch my ***. Because in our culture, no doesn't mean stop, it means not yet.

No means no, and I don't want to hear about how they feel they are being made to be the villain. I don't want to fear the implications of standing up for myself, if they get upset or overly defensive. I shouldn't have to justify my choice to keep my clothing on. This is not me playing hard to get, I just want them to respect the boundaries that I have placed.

I've never been overtly ******, I've never been the type to go further than a kiss on the first date. Netflix and chill, means popcorn and cuddling, not hands flying under blankets. For me, no means no. It doesn't mean not yet, it doesn't mean that with a few more drinks I'll be good to go.

It shouldn't be this way, women shouldn't have to defend the meaning of no. There shouldn't be the fear of expectations. We shouldn't have to worry about how a man will react when we ask for respect.

How dare I say I loved you
How could I?
I was broken, bent, weighed down
By my mere existence.

You picked me up
And I held on.

I was too busy being lifted
To see your breaking shoulders
You became my hope
And you began to lose your own

I never learned your dreams
Not in depth anyway
I was too busy with my sadness
That you tried to take away

I wish I would've asked to see
The talents in your grasp
The music you made
The world's you created

But I was a flooded river
And you were the shore
It's hard to say
Who swept up who

I wore you thin
How long can a man carry
A dead weight
And expect to be strong?

You began to pull away
And you began to slip up
You found solace in a familiar dance

Unprescribed yet medicated
Dosed with doubt
And lack of love

And me?
I still needed you
I still expected you.

And I blamed you
For not carrying me
When you were broken

We were twisted around each other
In substance and lack thereof
We crumbled trying to hold each other up

How could we?

How could I?

How could you?

None of this was supposed to happen.

I'm sorry.

I keep coming to the same blank pages
Hoping to fill them with my mind
I have so much to say
But words won't fall

I can't find words to fit your tortured soul,
But I suppose that's fitting.
You were the only one,
Who's ever left me speechless.

I'm not sure,
How I can hold so much anger,
And so much love for you
At once.

You're a drunk fool,
It was a drunk love.

He drenched everything in poison
From his kisses
To the words spilling out of his mouth
Everything he did was painted in
Blurry, muted, pixels
His life was a loop
Work, pills, drink
I never mattered.

Leave me alone please
I can't handle
Any more of
This broken record
Of your voice
Playing in my head
You have stained
My thoughts
And my words
I want you out


But I also want you back