Sam: Favorites

Mar 2017 Sam

Echoes

Mar 2017 Sam

maxime

Echoes

I was always fascinated by echoes,
Even long before I understood them.
To call out for help, and finally have someone respond,
Now that was a miracle in my naive eyes.

When I got older I traveled more.
I explored new places with hills and valleys.
The echos stayed constant, they always responded.
The echos brought me false comfort, and I thought they would keep me alive.

Now I have led myself into a cave.
The echoes are louder here, yes,
But they do not bring me comfort as the once did,
The echoes leave me as cavernous as the place I stood.

A droplet of water falls from the ceiling as a tear runs down my face.
Boulders fall as I collapse in on myself.
Because as I stood there listening for echoes,
I realized I would rather hear your voice instead.

#love #heartbreak #empty #hurt #growing #cave #echoes

Mar 2017 Sam

Dancer In A Music Box

Mar 2017 Sam

Amethyst Fyre

Dancer In A Music Box

There are spiderwebs stretched between my cells
my movement so hollow, you can hear the crackling of my thoughts.

don't forget me here
i'm alive in here
i just never figured out how to breathe

the melody lets go of my hand and skips far, far away
a fading whisper until
silence
forever more and ever more

but I'm still here

Waiting to breathe

Mar 2017 Sam

dissociate

Mar 2017 Sam

maxime

dissociate

do you dissociate too?

do you find yourself floating in space?
not on a gentle cloud or on the wings of a soaring eagle,
but on my own, supported by just air as i lose my head.

do you find yourself underwater?
not drowning but not breathing either.
the water rushes in my ears and the voices beside me are muffled
so i am left on my own with only my thoughts to accompany me.

do you find yourself gliding above ground?
i work through motions and play like a puppet on strings.
my feet never touch the ground while my head lolls on my shoulders.

my ears are plugged, my hands are clasped to still them.
the noise of the whole world is attacking me but i cannot decipher a word.
do you dissociate too?
please don't tell me i'm the only one.

#life #anxiety #muffled #dissociate

Mar 2017 Sam

your old poems

Mar 2017 Sam

maxime

your old poems

flip a coin
take a chance
of one in a million
to have met you

wear a mask
hide yourself
from everyone
who wants to know you

stand in rain
burn away
the monsters
that still haunt you

say goodbye
leave me to die
hate me forever
because i knew you

watch from far
never to speak
checking on me
because i scare you

guard me dear
teach me now
stay on the edges
because you can't let me go

ah. i don't know why i miss them. i need to stop reading old messages.

#rain #mask #wolf #old #dog #acid #guard #territory #coin

Mar 2017 Sam

Set Me Free

Mar 2017 Sam

Amethyst Fyre

Set Me Free

I stand before the grey flowing river, listless hands clutched to my chest
Tracing the pattern of my silent heart
There are no reflections here

The wind mourns in loud sighs, whipping the gauze of my white dress around my ankles
It yanks my hair, the willow cries its branches bare

I barely flinch at the sudden ice of his touch
His arms tightly squeeze mine, his hands suffocating my heart
A pressure so familiar now, I melt to him
I am so tired now-

He is shaking me
Lovely little one, Death whispers through my ears
You have to see the world beyond your eyelashes

His fingers twitch and my heart electrifies
My world convulsing with color
I don't want to go I sob
I want to stay with you
But to no avail
He walks away, never looking for me over his shoulder

And my body shudders for air

I watch my eyelashes flutter in my vision and remind myself
How to breathe
Yet it does not take away the fear

For what if I open my eyes and there is nothing else there?
For what if there is no world anymore beyond the river, the willow and the boy I call death?

I have to try I decide
A sharp sliver of light cuts through my vision
And I remember

*I really am alive

#depression

Mar 2017 Sam

Puppets

Mar 2017 Sam

maxime

Puppets

Children play with puppets,
little rag dolls with yarn hair and felt dresses.
Their voice morph to characters,
yet their giggles remain the same.

Children play with puppets,
living the life they've always dreamed of.
Through cardboard sets and imagination,
the puppets explore the world.

Children play with puppets,
and earn a false sense of freedom.
Their words and actions are not their own,
though little to their knowledge.

Children play with puppets,
until those puppets wear thin.
They're left in dust, have lost the trust,
of their controlling child puppeteer.

#freedom #imagination #children #puppets #puppeteer

Mar 2017 Sam

Sweetheart

Mar 2017 Sam

maxime

Sweetheart

You always want what you can't have, sweetheart
Greedy hands grabbing at goodies
That are far out of your reach
You lost your ability to receive them
You destroyed your chance long ago
Don't come crying to me, sweetheart
Because I'm sure you already know
That I care nothing of what you become.

#apathy #greed #sweetheart

Mar 2017 Sam

Greetings.

Mar 2017 Sam

xmxrgxncy

Greetings.

Greetings.
I know you didn’t even know I existed until church was over and you were looking for a reason to stay away from home, but here I am.
Feed me.

Heya.
I’m really cold over here. I know you’ve been heating blanket after blanket every ten minutes, but it’s been nine degrees outside for the whole afternoon and I only just came inside.
Warm me.

Hi, there.
I really don’t want this bottle. Rest assured, I’m hungry, but I’m feeling so weak. I don’t feel like doing anything but sleep and I miss my mother….why didn’t she want me?
Love me.

Hiya.
Your bed is so warm, and the sound of your breathing comforts me. Thank you for taking me in, new mother. Thank you for being there every four hours to feed me, I know you’re tired. I’m cold again.
Hold me.

Hey.
It was a long night but we got through it...but I feel so alone. The dogs seem to like me, but all I want is you. No one else is allowed to feed me, understand? I’m feeling colder, and not as hungry...and scared.
Stay with me.

Hi.
I know you’re trying your best, but it isn’t working very well. I need more. I wish I could tell you just what it is I’m missing. I wish I could spell it out for you.
Read me.

Hello.
The shaking won’t stop, mother. What’s going on? I can barely open my eyes, and warmth seems to evaporate off me into thin air. I don’t understand what’s happening. My heart is breaking with every beat it misses…

Goodbye.

Our little lamb passed this morning, peacefully. It broke my heart. What does that symbolize for my working through anxiety that I had tied with his getting better......I always take the animals' deaths so hard. Another reason why I really shouldn't live on a farm, ******.

#dying #sadness #death #tears #anxiety #panic #lamb