i'm drowning slowly
it's gradual, leisurely
i don't even notice it
until my head has slipped
under the waves

the surf is cold
leaving my skin prickled
and cold to the touch
i would call out
if i knew anyone would hear

but Anyone is too far away
they're busy with life
something i couldn't breathe in
i can see them living
although they're blurred by the water

i know that here is where i am
i know that here is where i will be
i suffocate in life
so underwater, unseen and unheard
is where i belong

i listen to the same album on repeat, hoping it will make me feel like i used to

As a little kid, my favorite game
was hide and seek
I've always had a talent for hiding
for painting over pain with sunshine
But it seems now that I'm meant to seek

We used to play games
with truth and dare
And while the future is uncertain, the past is locked in place
So let's turn back there
For once, I've chosen dare
Your turn

Do you trust me with the truth?

You use people
Similar to a baby
You soil them like blankets

You use people
Like a mother with no washer
You throw out soiled things

puzzle pieces fit together perfectly
or so they should
sometimes the pieces are laid out perfectly
each delicately handled with care and slid together easily
sometimes the pieces are scattered haphazardly
thrown aside and yanked back and forced to fit together
each method creates a picture
beautiful and original, yet grotesque and obsolete
if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, who is to say which is which?
sometimes the puzzles that are aligned perfectly are disappointing
they are drab, dull, ordinary
and sometimes the puzzles that are forced together are enticing
they are alluring, captivating, enchanting
so next time chose to force a two pieces together
surely you'll find something new that's better than before

darling, i can see the pain in your eyes.
you cannot even force a full laugh.
it's empty and cold, half-hearted and broken.
you tell me that you're fine,
when you and I both know you're far from a safe place.

i know that you lied when you say you're okay,
then your text notification wakes me up in the dead of night.
i know that you lied when you say everything is fine,
then i can't find you because you ran away once again.
you're not fine. you won't be for a long time.

but darling, i know you'll get there.
i know that someday you'll truly smile again.
i know you'll never forget her.
and i hope that you'll never forget me either
because we're the two that destroyed and rebuilt you.

someday is a day that you cannot even imagine.
it's foreign and lost in your panicked and damaged mind.
but i'm here to prove that someday truly does exist.
i'm here to guide you along a path to meet me here too.
i will never abandon you, no matter how evil you think you are.
because i love you. whether your someday is near or far.

Read me
like you're under the sheets
holding a quivering flashlight
reading a book Mommy told you
not to but that you told yourself that
you could.

Read me
like the paper thin news
that you strain to hear every
morning but then **** back in
disgust at when you realize its
its contents.

Read me
like the person you wish
you knew how to read and
that you want to more than just
about anything but know that really
you shouldn't.

Read me
like the dictionary on your
paint-peeling kitchen bookshelf
that is boring yet holds truths about
life that you wish with all your might
weren't true.

Read me
like you have tried so
constantly to read your
fading falling self that I say
I care so much about but you
won't listen.

Read me
like the anxious mess
that I am when I even hear
about the past I can't change
and the future I want so badly
to make better.

Sunshine bleeds too much.
Ever stop to wonder?

To wonder how, with so little inhibition
as to the privacy of your life,
it filters in through
your bedroom shades?

To wonder how, with so little modesty,
it bolsters through your windshield
and into the very irises
that have bade it leave?

To wonder how, with so little attempt at civility
it burns?

Beauty and brightness
are not the same thing.

but happiness
can bloom
in dark places...

I wanted to see the moon last night
It was supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime thing
But the house alarm was on, blinking its red light back at me
And I didn't want to bother anyone by sneaking out

Frenetically, I ran to all the windows
Searching, squishing my face against the glass
But the moon never showed itself to me
I reach the last window, my last hope
I crumble in front of it

Resigned to miss this once-in-a-lifetime

But while I'm looking out in despair
I realize that the sky is a brighter blue than I've seen it in a long time
And so, while everyone else saved tonight as a memory of the moon
I created my own moment to hold onto

Of the sky, its light and myself