even after all this time
i’m still addicted
to the poison
dripping from your lips

...the meadow and the puddle
you wouldn't come out of

wild and simple joy

invisable to eyes, now...

I wander the meadow grass

the fields where the flowers glow
in early morning
sunlight

the fields you
only dream of
where your soul is always free...

and you come running
spectral through the mist,

I walk lonely fields

Strike— bare, boastful light.
Snakelike, your silver serenity
Strike with firm, flaunting fatality
Surrender then, to specks flush-light.
Split asunder, your thriving fragility
Shuddering then, a humble complexity
Shimmering so lovingly bright.
Spin I the crystals; your dancing simplicity
Simplicity— oh, so generous in its creativity
Scarce old stars rather I,
                       than sun’s lifeless white.

If I can't have…
none can have…

two ways - have you ever
did you have

proteins and hormones,
structural bits and action tics
touched
just

bare
there at the base of the idea
we
were thinking better good enough
and
it leaked.

My cultural first reaction was
put my finger in the dam,
then
I listed floward, hearing a scream
from all the rivers in me

let the dammed thing break out,
and cover the earth
like a comforting fog, not smog,

rolling hills, none higher than kansas
to the gulf,
globally, no grades greater than 6%,
all bicycle friendly,
ask
has this been done, nearly, if
yes,
ask can it be prevented in the future, if
no chance,
then now is functional begin next.

Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame

Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face

Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate

Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place

Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate

Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create

Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced

Dear self,
In losing you

Days seem blurry
Nights seem scary

Heart grows weary
Eyes turn teary

I lost the merry
I lost the power to write my story

As the years passed by
A lot of memories have been made
Secrets have been told
Yet feelings remain untold

As I count the number of years with you
My feelings remained for you
Yes, we had our own heartaches
But mine remained for you

I believe in our platonic love
But have you ever wondered
What it can be if
Our platonic love matures?

Have you ever wondered
If I can be the one
The one that you are looking for
The one in front of you for many years

I see you
I always do
Each and every single day
Through day and night

When will the day come
That you will finally
Look at me dearly and realize
That I was the one always there

Will I still count
The years with you as us?
Or will i count the years
With you as love?