It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

He is my three week summer
He is the story I’ve never read
He is in the whisper of my friends ear
He is the question my sexuality still hasn’t answered
He is the flush of roses rising from cheeks


He is the new crush
He is the story I just started
He is the reassurance that it’s not just me
He is the ummmm of the future
He is the blossom of beginnings

He is the text I have to answer
He is the story I couldn’t finish
He is the drone of conversation coming to an end
He is the answer I never asked for
He is the flowers given in
Expecting something more

I don’t want to leave him
what I mean is
I can make it the 216 hours
till we both go
I fake love until we don’t have to create it
but what if  one day the roles change
I the one who gets lead on instead of love
will I wish the trust over the comfortable lust

His kiss was the second serving I was to embarrassed to ask for

You are like ice but I don’t have enough fire to melt you

Some puzzle pieces fit together but don’t belong together

I want to write a poem for the lies I did not tell.
I want to write a poem for the tears I did not cry.
I want to write a poem for my unharmed body, the mistakes that I did not punish myself for making, the food I didn't have to earn before eating, the love I didn't force myself to accept, the pain I let myself feel, the burden I did not let myself become.

I wish I could write a poem about the good things I could be without adding the unnecessary.