I have so many blocked up feelings that this poem can help me release. My soul has been in constant war ever since I left my old school. I lost contact with my friends, family members, and someone really special to me. I thought I was strong, but the world proved me wrong time after time. My soul has taken embrassment, insults, neglect, hate, anger, depression and so many more phases at once. My soul had been beat up, trampled on, kicked around, and stabbed way too many times to count in one year. I lost so much I fell into a shell that I'm not even sure I can recover from. I tried to connect with others to ease my pain and sorrow, but as expected it made things worse. I'm starting to think all people are the same. My heart and soul can't take anymore. Thoughts would come of death and evil. I don't know what to do now. I have taken the final blow to my soul and it's time for it to rest in peace. I have given my soul a funeral and this is my eulogy to it.

If you accidentally
             fall out of love,
Do you just dive
                back in head first?
           Feet first??
                     Eyes closed???
        Cannon ball????
             Or
Do you walk away
       Cause you can't swim
And you're scared to death
                   of *drowning?????

He says I am the most interesting person he knows
I just laugh and pull him towards me and hug him close

He gets distracted by the T.V and I understand
That I mean the world to him, but his mind wonders

I always shiver when he tells me he loves me
Me, not anyone else, just me that he loves me

He knows that I've fallen in love so many times
Yet he believes in my broken heart, he knows I'm faithful

I fell in love with his honest ways, the way his eyes shined
I didn't fall in love with his body, as I have done that before

I fell for his truth, the way he came right up to me and talked to me
He talked to me first and he never knew how much that meant...

He fell for me before I fell for him, but once I fell, I fell so hard
I've always been afraid of love, afraid of needing someone so much

He knows I'm the queen of fictional love... And yet he trusts me
I do not understand this kind of faith... Yet I have craved it my whole life

Gone are all thoughts of past lovers, no more poems about them
He has gently dominated my mind and conquered what others only dream about

I know I'm not the best person in the world, I'm not the most prettiest girl
But when he tells me he loves me, I literally shine, at least my eyes do

A warmth comes upon my cold heart, soul and mind
When he comes around it is like I become Alaska in summertime

He melts the ice around my soul and makes me want to sing
I have never felt so safe with a guy... Have never known such comfort...

If he were a food he would have to be the most cheesiest of Mac And Cheese
I hope my darkness doesn't seep into his soul... I hope he doesn't change...

My fears are real, so very real... If he leaves me now I don't know what I would do
He makes me so happy and yet he calls himself boring

I just laugh and hold him so very close, for he doesn't know just how much
I love him... How much his love has changed my life...

I wish I was
something more than
what I dare to call
myself
because this body was
never hurt this much
because this mind was
never haunted this much
because those nightmares
once stopped when I
woke up
but since when I can recall
they last longer than
twenty four hours
and this is insane
am I this insane?
that doctor says I don't look that ill
the other says I should
go in the psych ward
the other says I'm in the control
while the other one says
the harm on my body means
I'm not the one in charge
any longer
am I insane yet?
I should call 911
but I'm afraid another doctor
will attempt to say what's
going on
inside myself
instead of asking me
what I'm feeling for real
or why these injuries are for
or why the empty stomach
keeps growling
won't you eat, my dear?
I say no
won't you take your meds, my dear?
I say why
won't you enjoy your life like a normal human being?
I ask why should I
since im in the border of sanity
way more on the side
of those ones
stuck between four walls
white bedsheets
and treated like kids
who forgot to take their medicines
at home
so now they need a special care
am I insane yet?
I wonder
but no one dares
to answer.