You
Intriguing sparkles
As I peer in,
Curious;
Earnest to learn more
About you.

I yearn
To admire you
Through a kaleidoscope,
Watch the crystals crash perfectly
The beautiful imperfections blend
Into unique shapes
Of you.

I so desire
To fit us both
Into a kaleidoscope,
Watch us collide like fate
And fuse
Into breathtaking art
Reflecting each other
As the kaleidoscope of life
Endlessly turns.

Uncertain
It is,
But one day perhaps
I pray
It'll freeze,
Everlasting
Where our feelings meet.

An owl
Told me
Once upon many times,
That I must
Love valiantly,
Toss fear to the wind.

But when I'm alone
Defenseless，
Stuck in a limbo;
Infinite possibilities await,
Sir Owl, I pray thee
Teach me:
How do I love
When I'm afraid
To    
     F
       A
          L
             L ?

With your shining smile
Follows a twinge to my heart
Like pins and needles
And giggles bubble to the surface,
Yet I boldly exclaim: I don’t
Like you.

Your little everyday actions
Makes my heart sing
And my eyes sparkle
With secret adoration,
My cheeks bloom
Like roses on Valentine’s and my cherry red lips
Yet I stubbornly insist: I don’t
Like you.

But that day
Under the starry night sky,
As your arm brushes longingly against mine,
And you point out the constellations in the vast sky,
That are connected so naturally,
Fitting so perfectly,
I can’t help but think of
You and I.

-Bella R.

"Today--definitely today,
I will tell you."
I whisper-chant
To myself.
As we stroll down the pebbled street--
The one I hated but you loved,
Where ravens perched and cawed,
As if mocking my foolishness.

You take lazy steps, flashing a lopsided smile--
The one you always have when relaxed.
I'm rigid as a tree,
wrinkles from frowning.
I open my mouth, willing the words
To Spill out.

But you interrupted:
"Why're you always so upset?"
Alas, a chance presented to me,
But I don't know if it was that
Invisible frown
Or that inaudible edge of annoyance
In your voice
That made the dam shut.

You're too,
Too important
So I plaster a smile on
And let the ravens mourn
My loss.

-Bella R.

Your
Lingering touch
Concerned voice
Teasing texts
Playful smile--

Since when
Did my unwavering heart start
Aching
Yearning for more,
Unapologetically greedy.
Ah. He's
The One.
My heart whispers
As gentle as you
"Yes"
But my mouth pridefully yells
"No"

Sweet, sweet Angel
Your dazzling azure orbs
Light up my muddy browns.
Honey,
Won't you be my lighthouse
Shining through the miasma of life?

Sweet, sweet Fantasy
Perfectly Imperfect,
Gentle Passion.
Honey,
Won't you be my
Wish upon every shooting star?

The distance between us
On some days
Was nose to nose--
So close
I could hardly breathe,
Terrified of shattering
This miraculous moment.
On some nights
Galaxies away.

I thought
Chasing after you
I could close the gap
Between us
But some nights
Like tonight
You
Are a bright speck
Glowing in the night sky
Millions of miles from
Me.

You
Who gazed upon I
With railroad tracks across
Disobedient teeth,
Bumps blooming defiantly
And overwhelming exhaustion
Painted under my muddy hazels,
Declared this imperfection
Perfection.

You
Lay me down gently
Carass the smooth folds,
With steely greys against my hazels,
Peel away delicately
Layer upon layer--
Infinite; Endless,
Exploring unknown depths,
Savouring every inch
Then kiss me whole
Knowing the bruises and blemishes
In my battered soul
And kiss me anyways.

You march on
steadily ahead
As I silently
Follow,
Your guardian angel
Your Nobody.

How powerless
"I love you" is
Just words,
My feelings
So passionate,
E v  a   p     o     r      a        t         e
Before they reach
You.

Stepping into 2019
Purposefully,
I recall the tumultuous
Year of 2018.

2018
Joy and despair intertwined
A sadistic rollercoaster
Up then down
My heart
Breaking then healing.
How I longed
To scrub my imperfections clean
Raw, painful
How I begged
To start afresh
Free of regrets.

2019
I prayed
Will be brighter
A second chance.
To the parts of me I hated
A gentle kiss
I will gift.
To the broken little girl
I let down
I hereby vow
To never
Shove her behind anyone else.

As the golden gates
To 2019 opens,
Into the warm light
I leap.

Reminded myself
Not to immerse
In love
That sweet nectar
That poisonous trap.

Knew I had
To love myself
First,
Repeated it like a mantra
But you
Come in waves
Of affection and care
Envelop me
In joy
Like a bed of flowers.

Alas,
You
Are a scarlet rose
With thorns
Akin to my passionate love
And I,
A fool,
Am addicted to
Your lingering fragrance.

You
And I,
Prideful white daffodils,
Keep our blooming feelings
Hidden in a box with a lock
Waiting
For the other
To confess.

Love is
A four-letter word,
They say,
Filled with the sweetest honey
Pretty as a pearl
Two people fitting
Like perfect puzzle pieces.

But truly,
Love is
Undefinable:
How I adore your teeth
Crooked from a fall at six
The way your gaze softens
As flecks of gold embrace my hair
In the sunlight.

I want
To caress your soul
Slide my fingers beneath your skin
Soft like velvet.
I want
To be the cloud that hides you
Selfishly depriving the world of
Your sunlight.

Love is
Not a four-letter word
But a starburst
Of emotions and affection
Of wordless concern and care
And that glass of water
That night in June
As my tears silently fell.

Eyeing you like candy drops
Poised upon the tabletop
I urge you,
Give me a sign

Looping handwriting
Spelling my name with                      
                                                 Invisible
Ink
Honey-coloured smile
In my    
                                                 Mind's
Eye
I plead,
Gift me a sign

My skin senses
Your Electric touch
A thousand miles from reality.
I beg,
Grant me a sign.
Please,
I pray,
Bestow upon me
My impossible miracle.

Shimmer bright
Little light
Unbeknownst to themselves

Shining in solitude
Silent orbit
Alone together
Unbeknownst to themselves

Then they collide
Explode into a million colours
Cosmic beauty
Kaleidoscope

Everyone said
Transform
Your Pain into Art
Pluck it
From your throbbing heart
Delicately
Run your ring finger
Across pure white canvas
Create picture-perfect potraits.

But not I
For my pain
Spills from somewhere dark within
My agony
Overflows like a dam burst
Dark crimson stains
On plain white canvas
Morbid decor
Crimson lashings
Intertwine
Like thorny vines to a
Blood red rose.

Is not those whispered sweet nothings—
Fleeting,
And gone with the wind,
But the beautiful shape
Your soft lips curve into
When you whisper
“I love you”.

-Bella R.