a reverb in the
back of my mind

rhythmic breathing,
beating hearts till they break

echoes haunt me,
ricochet in the night lights

dissonance like rain on sunny mornings,
glassy eyes till night, till broken dusk

the chorus, the ******
has arrived and I will ride until
the day ends.

behind the black days and torture and pain,
two friends hold hands as they walk in the rain.
they are invisible to those who see, and don’t look,
as they watch the humans and the toil they took.

they feel emotional vampires brush past their skin,
looking for love and only finding sin.
they count the days long past and fallen,
wasted on skipped turns and hearts already broken

they are stepped on and over in raging mobs
that only exist to scream and complain and sob
about their wings that won’t let them fly
while those that try can only cry

they lie on thrones of thorns and roses
and watch as humans pluck and pose
they look away as they get dragged back down
they walk away as their smiles turn to frowns

they hold their noses as charred skin fills the air
watch as they tie themselves to electric chairs
laying their hands on the ones that survive
they wonder how the humans ever thrived

they smile sadly at the art piece on the floor
they had hoped that humans could be more
they finally leave their hopes to fall
maybe next time they’ll respond to their call

life and death walk hand in hand
looking at the vast grey land
then they merge in the shadows that run
finally showing their true form as one

from the shadows a crown of thistles and thorns
clothes sewn from all the halos and horns
a quiet voice echoes in the silent morning
maybe the curse was always a blessing

the silver blade hangs above my neck,
tip to apple, edge to skin.
as another assault accosts me -
I savour the bleed, for one rarely
tastes life itself.

and yet even as I hang
in the balance, my lungs refuse to give,
I groan bubbles and moan smoke,
a sputtering engine doused in oil.
I drown in soap, a futile attempt
to finally be clean.

but even bleach blunders a bloodstain,
and one cannot erase what never was, nor
what always was. I drain myself into the gulley,
if I cannot leave, I shall at least escape.

yet I am stuck in the pipes, tidal motion
flushes me with poison, a final notion.
as death courses through my veins,
and I can no longer rhyme
as I run out of time,
it seems that one
cannot simply
choose to
die.

like melted wax
in the tub

1. Marinate thoroughly
i soak my fingers
dip them in blood poppies
till they're wrinkled
powdery white

2. Add water
take a deep breath
underwater, take a big
gulp of dead grapes and
melted wax

3. Boil on high heat
swallow bubbles whole
as you bathe in debt

4. Bring to a simmer
i am everywhere but here,
nowhere but there
and the blood poppies
and dead grapes
and melted wax

5. Plate.
head on a silver platter,
i hand myself over and away

you look at me
like I look at my hand stained red
like the hilt of the dagger

your blood is pooling on the floor
like my love for you bleeding out
like the tears from your eyes shining
like my red fingernails

you were blind to my love
like me to yours, hidden
like the blade in your flesh piercing
like the words you just uttered

so I opened our eyes to the rawness
like your wound to my lips trembling
like your arms (hands) hung around my neck tight
like your lips against mine

you didn’t seem to understand, mind confused
like me as i fail to understand why you shouted
like when you screamed “i love(d) you”
like you love me

i
like
like
like
you.

that’s what I was trying to say.

maybe that’s what you screamed.

the end, that's it.

i fall, a mime (s)till

as the curtain falls
farewells and thanks
in the night sky, resonating
empty eyes crying light

to culminate in this
how tragic, how unfortunate
cracked lips utter
gasping for the limelight,
kicked out of their own show

all for the punchline;

"you love I"

it's almost as if I'm underwater
glassy eyes, haunted stare
I can't breathe, but I haven't ever
if I could, I wouldn't care

tension and suspension
fear, silence in contention
like atmospheric death
not a single breath

spoken thoughts are now
unspoken words, a bow

what I once felt is gone
that's it. this time you've won.

life is a terminal illness.

but will you choose to stay bedridden?

I can't understand
how some people can stand
other people, till the end,
that really don't understand.

your crystal mask,
cut to perfection
radiates in the burning
heat, a bright beacon,
blinding, bedazzling

yet it is the very same crystal,
that is so fragile,
so see-through
your crystal tears radiate
in the transparent
rays

It was the flash of white in the distance, the warning sign of the skies, that alarmed me. The glaring rays of sunlight dimmed in the blinding strike of lightning. The clear blue sky was marred by a scar.

I stop my car and get out as the second wave hits. The burning sand on either side of the road seems to shiver in the presence of the silent bursts. I can only see sand dunes until the horizon. I won’t reach my destination until a few hours later. Surrounded by desert, I have nowhere to go.

Then, the clouds come. But there is no rain. There is no thunder. There is only lightning. Close by, a withered tree is struck. The stench of burning wood courses through my respiratory system.

Even after multiple bolts have fallen, there is no ear-piercing crash of air expanding violently. It’s the seeming calmness of everything that is gnawing me from the inside. Death strikes the ground in complete silence.

I can feel my hair stand as the clouds turn darker. It’s coming for me. I jump into my car and step on it.

But I know I can never escape. The rumble of sand bursting and exploding is less unnerving than the silent killers from above. It assures me that I am not deaf.

We run. But we can only run. We only have so much time to reach our destination. Go for it. Don’t let the lightning storm reach you. Death comes quick and quiet.

Don’t let it catch-

A shriek of pain and lightning and thunder and rain are twisted in one, echoing throughout the desert called life.

i thought you were my star in the sky

but apparently

you were just an amber traffic light

and you’ve turned red

and I can’t even jaywalk.

as the night sky begins to fall
and the dawn never breaks
listen for the silent call

take shelter in the empty halls
run further still, no time to take
as the night sky begins to fall

shut your eyes, dear, shut the door,
pray to God, for God's sake
listen for the silent call

walk on, walk forward in the drawl
of the thunder and lightning in your wake
as the night sky begins to fall

when hope seems lost as shadows stand tall,
when silence truly starts to ache,
listen for the silent call

as the moon waves goodnight to all
and now you feel so, so small
as the night sky begins to fall
listen for our silent call

i imagine all of us
like little fairy lights
strung up inside our own
shells

when the night is nigh
we shine the brightest,
but sometimes other shine
brighter, and we are blown out
short circuited

we all race for the top,
a winding christmas tree,
breaking your bulbs across
walls and beyond corners,
and the twinkle pop and shatter
becomes louder and louder,
until we rest our heads atop
the shooting star of fame (shame)

what will you do
when the water runs out
and your mouth is drier
than the dirt

drier than the words that slithered
and spat themselves out of your mouth

what will you do
when the food runs out
and your stomach begins to
digest itself

but i can't digest your words
and they stick to the dry walls
of my insides
but if i *****
i will have no food left

what will you do
when the air runs out
and your lungs are squeezing
the oxygen out of your
own cells

your words have squeezed
the life out of mine
even though
there was plenty of air
to share

what will i do?
i hope they run out,
and **** your words,
and-

unfortunately you can't
**** something that was dead to me
the night you said those words.

lay your cards down on the table
the other one picks theirs up and holds it
up against their face the back of the cards
shining and shimmering in the dim candlelight
you know what they’ll do
they know what you’ll do

the rounded edges of the cards
thank you for your perfect trimming
pricking your fingers trying to
make your way around the points and corners
snipping and snapping the scissors go
one by one cloaking them in softness and warmth

the curtains sway in the sharp wind
the fireplace crackling in the clacking cracks
of the damp and dark walls, leaning
to the freshly opened smells of the decks
as they clatter around as clutter, filling up
your senses, sending you into a slight delirium

they take one of their cards
and let it float back down to the wooden tabletop
landing beside the bouquet of blood roses
a picture of the perfect gift appears
wrapped in all its splendour and glory: a ring of
pure diamond, of pure gold, of pure love

you happily dish out a stack of gilded cards
with no care or concern; you let some flutter to
the ground for the others to pick while they
eye your paper money with delicate hungry
hands hanging around, silently slipping some
into their own deck as you smile

the candle flickers as they play another card,
a portrayal of a house, a quiet place to call home
with children, hundreds, dancing and skipping
and being children, and all you can and want to do
is let the cards stream out of your hand, your
laugh lines creasing your already weathered mirror

the game goes on, no qualms about stopping,
and neither do you, as your wrinkles take over
your face in a sweep, with them mirroring yours,
the wind getting wilder, your hair in a storm,
a stack of chaotic cards in the middle, spiralling
about the room in a frenzy as the candle goes out
and darkness ensues and you reach out for them
in the now growing mess of a restaurant and the
curtains blow past your face windows shattering
and all you can think about is them them them them them and when you finally reach the other side of the table and breathe

no one is there. the table flipped over
like a game long lost and forgotten
and all the cards lying dead and roses pooling on the floor and oh how you want to follow suit;
but this game is too fun and you go on to the next
round, sweeping card edges off your suit.

espy the boundless skies
through shards of glass and windows,
and pupil lenses, tinted red green blue,
chromatic panic, a manic display of light

beauty incarnate, as you spectate
through your spectacles the spectacle of
man and fake suns, stars of your own making,
see-through masks and one-way rainbows

as you press closer, sparks turn to flames
and flames turn to fires, burn your skin
with tattoos of smoke and pain,
but your grin only grows wider in the open air

and with a crash, it was a mirror all along,
you realise, laughing on your way down

when the blood bleeds blue,
and the skies turn red

is when I know I've lost you
for sure

when the rivers run red,
and when the sun cries blue

and in a beautiful show of collapse all around,
a shower of stars bleaches the ground

beauty fallen, but not from grace
beauty sodden, but not your face

a leaf sobbing in autumn winds,
i am but one of many for whom you sing

a song of light from the silent moon
i listen not for the lyrics, but for your croon

and in a beautiful show of collapse all around,
a glowing breath of life i have found
i live not for the beauty, but for the sound
i live not for the life, but to you i am bound

your eyes are like the sun

if I gaze too long
I get hurt eventually

your eyes are like the moon

they reflect my fire
the lustre isn’t yours

it is tiring.

watching their faces smashed
against the windows smiling
almost aggressively laughing

having to not hurt everyone
as i trip about corners and words
and deadly sentences
and yet still get there
get to “friendship”

standing in an
unending burst
of my own energy
just to calm theirs

pulling up my
****** muscles to
create a paper thin emotion
a semblance of contentment
just a semblance

cascading upon me
a pool of thoughts and opinions
i never asked for

i am tired.

of them.

just like the sun mourns
its dying child,
caressing its dry lakes and flaming forests,
unknowingly only starting a larger spark
of death

so I mourn myself,
my youth,
burning off whatever ashes
of memories are left in the rubble
of tears and pain.

it was a silent splash
into the river
and all its bewitching curves

as it sank into his pores
his mouth his ears
his eyes his body

as one second of purity
washed countless years
of killings and being killed

cleansing him from the inside-out

then he sees him
on the other side

again.

for a moment they freeze
in their shock

the quiet ripples are no longer
silent as they scramble out to shore
as they ignore their bare bodies
as they reach for their veteran
killing machines

and for another moment

he watches him crawl up to shore
while he aims it at his head
his finger at the trigger

but in this moment

in their nakedness

stripped of identity

they are one and the same

they are no different

there is no violence no hurt no war no sadness no killing no hate no guns no knives no punches no kicks no grenades no trenches no shrapnel no-

and with a muted splash
he feels the river
of blood running down
his head

as the moment of realisation
slips away

and like chipped teacups;
bedazzling in the own right,
my butterfly garden sparkles
in reflections and broken glass

gemstones impressed
upon their heads, forceful
light bled into reality
diamond studded wings
carrying the weight of themselves

a silent beating, whirring;
mechanical clicks signal life
in metal cages

and then; nothing

but the creeping warmth
of dead butterflies in my stomach

not a stirring storm, rather
a lake in crisis, thunderstorm
rhythm in motion, my body
is used to the churning

acidic vandalism of the inner
walls, scars like stars in the
midnight sky, constellations
of hurt, trapped within the
observatory I am

soon enough, the familiar
pain eases itself through
the rusted pipes, leaking,
faulty, unfeeling cold
like stalagmite formations

it returns home, unfortunately,
again, and I am no stranger to
the wintry tendrils that have
replaced my blood, that give me
life that isn't worth living

my digits twitch and spasm as
the metallic river snakes to
my extremes, shores of icicles
erupting to the surface

if am numb to the numbing anger
then why do my fingertips hurt?

I’ll wait in the car
And fog up the windows
With shaky breath, I steady myself
I drag ******* across and through
Some divine slit I have created, I will admire
You.

I will be your yesman,
And I will never have a question.

I will drive us to anywhere you want to go
Even as the brakes groan and tires bleed
I will remember the rhythm of each road
And I will play it for you when you want to
Relive a scene that I have only seen from
The windscreen.

Even as I break and groan and tire and bleed
I will wait in the car and watch you live.
And I will be happy, and I will find reason
Even if my nails are biting into the handbrake
And my foot has long frozen to the pedal,
I must be happy, and there is always a reason.

When the day where you can no longer dance
Finally graces with me with its dawn
I shall then pick myself up from the driver's seat
And walk into the sunset like in the movies
And for them that is the end
But for me that shall be the beginning.

you think that flowers are pretty and the forest
smells fresh and they are all made for you
just for you. you think that the green grass is soft
and the seas and skies and sand are all for you.
you think that nature is generous and kind
and good and pure just like you

i also wonder about humanity’s ever-increasing
records of stupidity, their eyes blind with anger
entitlement suspicion frustration the heat of rage
miniature suns burning and blistering and
destroying everything they see touch anything
in reach, thinking that all is theirs and theirs is all

they don’t see the blood on the floor and the
bodies lying all around. they step on them like
pillows on a road, rolling over them like the stones
they are, don’t see the teeth and eyes and edges
lying all around, all the traps biding their time,
waiting to crush a few pebbles

the true monster has yet to show, eyes shut
but not asleep, dormant but not oblivious
waiting in the shadows of the air and the black
days that the humans pass by like the stones they
are, blood pooling bodies rotting, and the humans
can’t care won’t care couldn’t care less as they
continue to fall

time is ticking and so is their patience, a silent
bomb waiting to be free of the grasps of dirt
and soil soiling its body, when finally nature strikes
back, strikes hard, as the humans fall ten by ten,
grass blades flying and petals dying, when nature
reclaims what has been stolen

nature will come back, and erase humanity like
moss on a stone, eating and destroying and
poisoning their already heavy hearts and souls,
dragging them over down into the earth, till
their blood has replaced theirs and their bones
have melted back where they came from,
and humans finally realise the moment just before
they fall from the earth, that it was all in their minds

they never owned nature, they were the ones that
needed her

nature never needed humans

they’re just mouldy stones at the bottom of a
fish tank long forgotten

the ever-expanding walls
run from me, as I chase down
impossibilities and pipe
dreams, my feet never touching
the ground, not even
once. upon a time

there lived a boy in his
head, and in his head he stayed,
blind to reality but inclined to
imagine. he knew not once
of worldly torment, yet was
all too familiar with that which
the ever-expanding walls ran
from-

the truth.

and yet again,
they've added too much sugar

it boils over, pink
and bubblegum,
artificial reality,
plastic face

but behind the masks
of dazzling white teeth
and teacups

lie the lies,
and the yellow black
shadows of teeth
and bitter, bitter coffee

i have nothing to say.

no, it isn’t a mental block.

it is emptiness that fills me up
right to the brim.

the silence that rings in my ears,
the cold within the casket

the tips of my heart
iced over by time
and frosted by voices
in my head

an unheard echo in the void

the winds blowing in gusts
into eye sockets
of glass eyes and glassy eyes

this desolation
of isolation
and devastation
is the spark
burning out in the snow

a snowflake into insignificance

i have nothing left to say.

there’s no one to hear me anyway.

she covers my eyes, and not even light
dares to slip through her fingers.
she tells me to look harder, deeper
and she whispers sweet everythings
and suddenly the void she has gifted me
seeps through my eyelids and
leaks into my sockets, and I see
everything I have ever wanted.

she holds my hand like no one else has,
palm to palm, and she whispers empty rhythms,
psalm to psalm, the ghost of a dream resting
its head against my chest, bated breath,
vapours of impossibility, tickling, fooling me.
her fingertips bite into the soft flesh, but
the only pain I feel is her/my hand around my/her neck.

when illusions collide, do they fall further into delusion?
or are they decapitated by reality?

they call her helplessness,
I call her finality,
and she tells me she is mine,
but I know I am hers.

but what good is a
fallen flower
except to be stepped upon
crushed under your
unwavering soles
of courage, bravery and
anger

i gift you this corsage of
lycoris radiata and
poison ivy,
and may you wear it till
the flowers fall

and crush you.

when you hit
that note
my heart shattered

autumn leaves like
windchimes in the
biting winds

dark skies like
mornings held high
to high noon
to full moon

and those eyes
of dark skies and autumn leaves
of windchimes and mornings

i gasp for air
as the wind stops
and the trees fade

when you held that note
to high noon
to full moon

every second spent
with him is another colour
in my menagerie

im painting the walls
magenta, hazel, aquamarine
they blend and swirl, a new form
of life, plastered onto a beating
wall

every second spent
with him is another colour
i can picture

im reeling from all the
moss green, the incandescent
violet, the royal purple
im reeling, but i like
the feeling of being spun around
in circles?

every second spent
with him is a shade lighter
than before

suddenly my world is saturated,
and everything is too warm,
and everything is too cool,
and suddenly the scarlets are violent
and the baby blues are depressed
and the olive greens are poisonous

every second spent
with him is a colour
lost in my world

i have decided that
black and white is the
only safe place to be, to
see, and yet the grey becomes
too much, the grey in his
hair, his eyes, his skin

every second spent
with him is bleaching
my colour menagerie

but i am the one with
detergent cradled abreast,
and i am the one making
all these colours bleed,
and i am the one running
into a world of no colour,
because i have given all
i know about colours
to him, and

he has
given
none
back

this is humanity’s very own Pandora’s Box
watch as it unfolds watch as it unlocks

besties for life - what are friends for

to be used as an ends to your means
a toy to play with, a shortcut to your goal
a rag doll to shield your schemes
thrown away when growing mould growing old

love is a game - you won’t get bored

for like minded killers and villains
to slowly entrap, their lives under the lake
till spiralling obsession and infatuation bleeds pain
leaving the world with one less snake

people are leeches - death at the core

don’t get too close or you’ll become a shell
their heartless chests hold more than just evil
one wrong step gives way to vampirical spells
one more trick leads you straight to the devil

nature is a curse - thorns at the fore

we think we own it - it owns us
we sleep on thrones of poison ivy
we survive on the shadows of feeble trust
we bide our time before this becomes a privy

souls are myths - just emotional ******

we scream and moan and shout and cry
hanging onto threads of sanity
we think we’re brave, we’re scared to die
******* our own blood - please join us for tea

reality is dreamland - we hide behind closed doors

we cover our eyes so we can see
whatever we see is what we believe
what we believe are all the lies we’ve been
dreams are ghosts of things we’ll never achieve

maybe once we’ve reached the limit the ceiling the floor
we’ll learn our lesson, once and for all