I might leave my thoughts and reinvent myself.
Does desperation or envy get you killed faster?
Going back 200 years ago, it would've been depravity
If you re fortunate enough to have your basic needs met, you can indulge in diving deeper than thoughts, deeper than body and mind, further down the loophole until you reach your soul, primal and emotional state of living.

"You are not drowning"
Yet, CoStar.
I'm not sure if its amnesia im afraid of, or the mere thought that memories are no solid proof of living.

It’s not that she doesn’t wanna write anymore, but her fingers don’t see the point in dragging some Letters to form meaningless sentences.
She digs deeper into her skin, leaving ****** marks, smearing them into a circle.
Taking that as a reply to her inner question “who are you?” To which this answers loud and clear- a sewer rat.
You heard me, a rat.

It's not that I don't want to get it, you're just empty.
Drained of empathy and utterly absurd.

I'm not being careless, if anything- I'm quite the opposite.
So I just choose to remain silent and brush your thoughts away.
You chose to devour me
Cautiously-
Giving in, eventually.

Bare handed I crawl my way up
Towards the sun if I must
"Unburden my mind, mother. Stomp on my ego, make it null, but make me whole.

Could you spare my blood?

Etheral lust scattered all around us like dust
Couldn't bare to keep my eyes open so I must
Tell my tale the way it was intended
The way I let my soul dependent
On you

All the words that you spit out
But you couldn’t even say the truth
“Hush now, hush”
It’ll get easier
Time heals everything
But its not time that heals everything,
It’s you.

Cold hands underneath my body.
Fingers rapidly grasping my arm longing for me to stay
I shake off any affection given to me.
“Poison,
Get away from me” I hear one of my voices telling me.
Maybe I am right, or maybe I’m wrong
I can’t deny the feeling of confusion mixed with anger and
sadness.
We’re all nonexistent species wanting to be loved so badly
by someone else because we cannot fully absorb the
concept of being alone.
We are made of single I’s.
We are two different souls that
will never ever know the other person anyway..