Him.
The way he laughs
The way he remains calm in tough situations
The way he holds me when I'm scared
The way he looks at me like I'm the only one in the room
The way he talks to me like he never wants to leave
This was a small reality.
A reality I had for a year
Then it happened
Whatever we had was gone
Like the autumn leaves
It disappeared
Our love was over
The fire we started burned out
It was gone
We didn't have the spark like the sparklers on the fourth of July
We didn't have it anymore
It was gone
Him.
It was all I could think about

My depression is like a far away friend who showed up
And you didn't want them to show up

My anxiety is like when you had to get on stage as a kid and perform
Except I never get over the nervousness

My ADD is like when you would stare out the window for a test
But I can not stop looking at the window

My Bipolar disorder is like a rollercoaster
Except I never get off of the ride

My paranoia is like when you used to think someone didn't like you
Except I think everyone I know and love doesn't like me

My insomnia is like when you would pull all nighters
But I pull them everyday

My mental disorders are not what defines me
Its what you do in my daily life that triggers them and then they take over like when an emperor takes over his empire
Or when the president takes over his country

I sit in silence.
As the rain drizzles down my windows
I graze upon the last memories of happiness
Remembering how happy I used to be with him
I remember all the random things we would say to each other
How he would come during times like these and hold me
How he would coo that everything was alright
Now my heart is gone
He took it with him to his new girl
His new girl reminds me of him
Happy, bubbly and fun to be around
Her laughter spreads like wild fire
She has a big and gorgeous smile on that pretty little face
She's so down to earth
She's unlike me
And I guess its for the best
I may not want this
But I want you happy
But I don't make you happy

I wanna tell you how I feel
How silenced I am when your physique is present
How easily the words slide out of your mouth when you speak
How your scent fills me up and brings me to life
How perfect your teeth are
How you put me in a daze when you cross my mind
How it's never a dull moment when you're with me
I feel a millions of butterflies when you're with me
You're perfection
And I am not.

I could say I want to die
And have everyone who claims to be my friend try to help me
I could say I don't want to live anymore
And everyone would try to give me reasons not to give up
But have you thought about this
The reasons you say I should stay alive for
Are the reason why I wanna die.

They say that they would miss you too much
But after that they never hit you up
They say that they wouldn't be able to live with themselves
But little do they know, they're the reasons I don't wanna live

He loves me
How caring I am for him
He loves me not
How I'm addicted to his lips
He loves me
How I don't separate him and his friends
He loves me not
I'm not as hot as his ex
He loves me
Because I am not his ex
He loves me not
The way I get angry when he does something dumb
He loves me
Because I'm truly down for him