I just saw
That an old friend has disappeared.
I don't remember his name
Only his warmth.
I don't remember his face
Only his unfailing support.

He read what nobody else would read.
He saw the way my heart would bleed
And encouraged me deeply from afar.
I miss you, sir. Wherever you are.

Was there ever a time
Before PTSD?
Before self harm, depression,
And anxiety?

Was there ever a time
I was simply just me?
Where I was not defined
By my mental disease?

Was there ever a time?
I still can't quite believe
That I once was a girl
Who was light and carefree,
Who danced by the sea,
And buzzed with the bee,
Who sang so bright and melodiously
And shone for everyone 'round her to see.

There once was a time
Before PTSD.
And before my disorders: me.

I’ve sobbed for hours,
Then for days,
Ache blurring lifeless gaze
Stolen breaths come incomplete
And, too quickly, are replaced.
I’ve sobbed from twilight until noon
Filling this entire room
Watching skin succumb to prune
Hair, molasses, ‘round my neck
Pirouettes to desperate croon.
I’ve sobbed through sunrise and sunset
Muddled orange and violet
Lighting crests of waves deflect
Fading as they intersect.
I sob for eras and for lives
Until none of them survive,
So what light exists beyond the depth
Can magnetize and resurrect,
And eyes can greet horizon new
Reflecting glowing golden hue
Desaturating retrospect
As currents sway to sovereign tune.

I wrote on my arms
And thighs
And neck
And stomach
And chest
And legs
Until the whole of me was covered in my feelings.
I could not speak a word
And so I wrote them.

Now I write on paper
Online
On the canvas
On my nails
On the computer
On books
Until the whole of my life is reflecting my feelings.
I cannot speak a word
And so I write them.

My life's work is the wiggling leap
Of a soft little kitten, who lands in a heap.

My life's work is the hyper, swift lick
Of a rambunctious puppy who moves lightning quick.

My life's work is the smile of a friend,
Who I know will be with me till the bitter end.

My life's work is a high GPA;
Perseverance is how I got here today.

My life's work are these words that I write,
And the heartfelt confession, "you saved my life".

My life's work is nowhere near done.
I fell down, I got up, now I'm ready to run.