It was the 5th grade.
I’d rock back with some paper,
Crumple it up,
And shout.
“Kobe!”
And tragically miss.
Unlike the legend he never missed.
Rest In Paradise.

My joy is off and on,
This Christmas is different.
Something is trying to rob me.
I don’t know what to say,
So I’ll let my silence be my poetry.

I struggle to find the reason.
Why I’m pushing though pain.
Turning life,
Into survival.

You dealt me a **** hand,
And it was up to me how to play it.
Life is too long for bad cards.

Thank you for making me the happiest man alive.
In fact thanking for making a man out of me,
Keeping me in check.
Thank you most of all for being you

Blue eyes that remind you of the Atlantic Ocean,
I get lost in them over and over,
Drowning in its gaze.

Short blond hair that I watch flow in the air,
Sunlight beaming through its curls,
A beautiful scent I smell when I kiss your head.

Pure soul that makes you believe heaven is real,
Creates a new addiction you can’t break,
Wrapped in her grace.

Lips you can’t pry away from,
Hips that I’m glued to,
A pinky I can’t let go of.

Does it get harder everyday?
The darkness doesn’t seem to fade,
There's something in my head killing me.
I should tie a noose around my mind,
Tell it I’m in control.
I’m stacking up problems that are unnecessary,
In some odd way,
There's comfort in the panic.
Paranoid I may seem,
But the world seems like its out to get me,
I didn’t make the choice to let mind get so ******* messy.

It was the start of the game,
My first time seeing the Cubs at home,
You’d think I watch the game,
Instead I texted you through the entire game,
I remember texting you more than who won.

I keep wishing I would meet you sooner,
But time was playing at it’s rate.
I wish you were mine sooner.
I think destiny decided on this timing,
For our hearts to align.
As much as I wanted sooner,
I'm glad you found me in my shitest state.
You saw every dark aspect of me.
Whether it was me being a *******,
Or someone who struggles with being alive.
Yet you stick around.

When I couldn’t get out of the hospital bed,
You held me,
Like today was the last day.
The yellow stuffed animal you made me,
Along with the picture of us you drew.
I remember how caring you were,
I could see the worry when you'd watch me move to my wheelchair.
You kept asking if I needed you to push me.
Now that's love guys.

I was telling you the plot to my show,
Within five seconds you fell asleep on my arm,
My beautiful angel,
So peaceful.

I remembered when I asked
“What if I'm in this wheelchair forever”.
You looked at me like I was an idiot and told me that wouldn't change how you feel.

When I first saw you,
My heart broke through my ribcage,
Like a soldier returning home from the war,
It ran to you.


I remember when you came over and I stared into your eyes.
It was beautiful.
Your blue eyes.
I was lost in your ocean,
And I didnt want to be found.
I believe in soul mates now.

I remember when I first realized I love you.
My heart and brain finally agreed on something.
No more wars between the two,
Just agreements of how great life is now.
Life is better with you.

I remember when we started calling each other Borgy and clude (our joke on Bonnie and Clyde).
You see Bonnie and Clyde were lovers,
Through the great depression,
The hardest moments of the 1930s,
And they died together.
Knowing I died loving you,
Would frankly make me happy about my ending.

I'm glad I met you.
This is my public deceleration of my feelings for you.
I'm not ashamed of us,
Nor feel like I could do better,
Regardless if I could.
I wouldn't want better,
Cause what I want..
I already have now.

I remember when I dropped you off at the airport,
How similar it was to when I dropped you off at college.
You told me not to cry in public,
Because men cry in private.
Both times I cried in your arms.

Thank you for making life more colourful.
Making me comfortable with who I really am.
Helping me stay sober.
Showing me what real love is,
Along with joy.
I can't wait to see what the years bring us.

In the moonlight,
I live to love and adore you.
It’s all that I can do,
It’s all that I am.

I know you don’t need expensive gifts,
Nor do you need Fancy dinners.
Sure I know you love those,
But I know you don’t need them.
You need me to listen when things pile up,
You need me to hold you when you cry,
You need encouragement as you move through your dreams,
You want to feel safe and protected,
You want to feel interested in.

I’ll love you genuinely,
Patiently,
Passionately,
I’ll love you consistently.

All the animals from the zoo,
They fill my gut when I hear your voice,
A heart that's young and beautiful.

I don’t really care,
About the funny way you wear your hair,
Bed head or not.

Every **** day,
I listen to the goofy things you say,
I hope you never change your ways.

Just love me,
There’s nothing else you need to give me,
Until the day you wear that ring from me,
Either way you’re everything to me.

You’re off to college,
Doing things I couldn’t do.
I’ll tuck up in bed,
Looking at our moments,
All while you study and meet new people.
You’re going to do great,
I’ll hold a pillow every night thinking of you.
Just don’t forget about me over here,
Soon I’ll have a place there.

Our love is a friendship that caught fire,
It’s sharing and confident,
It shares loyalty through the bad,
And the good times.
It allows less than perfection,
But makes allowance to human weakness.

Our love can’t be seen or measured,
However its strong enough to change me in a moment,
Offers us more joy than any material possession could.
Our hearts see what's invisible to the eye.
Love doesn’t make the world go round,
But it's what makes my ride worthwhile.

This is easily,
The most beautiful,
And the best thing in the world.
Like I said it can’t be seen,
Or even touched!
It can simply be felt by the heart.

Love.
Love is to love someone for who they are,
Who they were,
Who they are going to be.
To love and be loved is everything.
I love you J.J.L.

I'm trying to be genuinely happy

I hope,
That one day my loneliness won’t be the death of me.
That my loneliness will spur into something to live for,
Something great enough to die for.

I’m watching my world fall apart,
And the pieces are falling between my fingers,
Like loose grains sand.
Feels like all I can do is stare blankly.  

My loneliness is no longer my fault,
But simply a condition of existence.
I’m not sure if I’m thoughtful,
Or just empty

I don't need you to brag about me,
Nor post about me.
Keep me in your pocket if you'd like,
It won't make me feel any different.

I don't need to be a gold trophy you raise over your head,
I don't need to be anything fancy.

Just make me the laces on your shoes,
So when you leave I go with you.
Make a music box,
So you can feel enlightened.
Make me into a medallion so I can possess victory,
Nothing flashy so I can have some dignity.
Make me into a locket around your neck,
So I can possess a picture of the man who made you feel the best.

You aren't one to search for gold,
I think that's why I'll always love you.
Don't make me into another excuse.
All I can feel is that your love makes me feel alive.