We can never be together but,
I wish we could.

Fatal attraction,
will always
grab the
Grim Reaper & his scythes,
attention.
But this time,
dying doesn't
look like,
an eternity of lonely nights. ,

It's
Almost,
well,
actually
it is
a
tempting thought
for a
split-slit
wrist
second.
Given the right causes.

But.

I'm here
in the
Hearse behind
you.
Playing passenger
on the
69-blood-line.
I called shot-gun.

We're way-out
on the highway home.

Only
7
more counties
2
go through.

Til I can see those,
better-places
&
your
pretty, familiar face.

See the beauty within your core.
Speak nothing but the truth.
Listen, only to the same.
And feel nothing but the warmth of love unseen.

Life
is only
s a coin toss.

Heads, is winning
&
Tails is losing.

If the silver says tails.

Just remember,
every life's
tale,
has two sides
to tell.

It's your story.
So, make
your **** better
NOW
&
flip the coin again.

If the silver says heads,
keep your's straight.

I'm kind of like neon darkness.

Black is the new
everything
&
everyone,
shares the same

lucid,
translucent,
illuminate

dead-day-dreams.

Sorry, for
spiking the punch.
But it isn't a party
until someone passes out.

Find the weakest link.
**** em' up
&
leave them behind
to die.

Dried up
on the side of the
road.

A hit & run
on the highway home.

Sometimes, you have to
strip

down,
down,
down.

to the
lowest
of
places
just to break yourself even.
</3

**** gets better.
<3

Fate only allows the most
Humble of hearts,
Driven of dreamers,
& the purest of souls.
To rise to the occasion
and take the thrown.
Three cheers
three cheers
the
Evil
King
is
DEAD.

Every now and again.
The therapist will
give you the wheel.

Driving down a highway
for the ****** martyrs
of psychosis.

But whose really helping who?
Pleading incompetent to subdue the enemy.

Only for a moment.
Will I, endulge in this
depravity.

With smiles stained of the ****.
I willingly eat to stay relevant
It's decadent.

The sweetest escape.
For narcissists young and old.
Covered in paranoia. Leaking impulsivity.

Rocking the crown of thorns.
I don't know who wore it better.

Home has
never ever been the same.
Since,
your soul went away
to
some place better.

Hey Mama,
it's
been
a hot-hot
couple of years
spent
burning in hell.
Here,
without you.

Do you
Remember,
the days of yesterday
&
all of the seconds
we
blocked out,
blacked out,
&
burned out
on every
dream we had.

I Still got
that grocery list
you wrote me
&
when I have the $.
I'll buy myself out of this

I'm coming home,
the second
my
clock stops.

Promise.

As I descend downward
into darkness.
I find myself collecting
omens like a *******
collecting diseases.

Fighting demons,
my eyes cannot see.
Doesn't mean they're any
less real than you or I.

Living in the dark.
The Sun's too sad to shine today.
And you, my Love, are equally as sad.

Hallucinations of a dream, waiting to be lived.
Searching for your soul but I feel it's no longer here.
As I look into those empty, lonely eyes.
A part of me is dying to be with the person you once were.
They say,  it's  hard to love someone who doesn't love you.
But sometimes you've got to tango with the demons, to make it through the calendar.

Time doesn't exist,
I will always be here,
waiting.
For your call.

From a world
beyond,
what my eyes
can see.

I'm ready to go home now,
too.
May the cord wrap
around my neck and
take my breath
away.

Lost within the fear.
One too many times now.
I can feel my heart slowly,
breaking into a million shattered dreams.
In between irratic palpitations and bursts of nervous energy.
Of course.

I think my soul is ascending to its purest form.
It's both terrifying and beautiful.
Almost like I'm dying and living simultaneously.

Just go
have some fun
with a gun.
Already.

You really,
need to either,
shoot some sense
in-to yourself.

Or just shut your
big-broke, skanky-twanky
clap-trap up.

I can't decipher
your motives.

Your self written sermons
are stained with **** & cynicism.

SO
take care of the problem.

BEFORE I
take care of it for you.

But our blood
will spill
Just the same.

It's not about the headless
victm.

Nor will  it ever
be. So.
Just chill.
And enjoy the thrill
of the ****.

The blessed expedition.
Hunting the Hunter.
Is a most wonderful feeling.

Going postal
On the ones giving you
All these letters.

The mail carrier.
Is positive for swine.
Flu.

Cause the news.
They keep dishing us.
Is tainted.

Rotten.
Like the word.
This **** is rolled.
Gold.
Put that in your straw
And snort it.

Trust fund
kids
******* up
all of
Daddy's
liq-liq-liquor.

I hope you
choke
on your
trust fund checks.

&
Die in his wallet.

Forever, parasitic.

I'am,
what i am.
The lowkey Siren.

Lemme sing you a song.
While I place a curse on
your mayflower.
And drag us all down.

Captain,
I'm not one to **** with.

Under the borderline sun.
I'm a career psychopath.
Working from home.
Beneath the ground.

I once called home.

Feeling worthless is a popular trend
these days, it's hard to tell.
Who is your friend
and who is your foe.
Trying to turn the other cheek
is proving to be one of the hardest things,
I've ever done.

One day, I pray
I'll break free from these chains.
To run far away.

Fast, like the Devil's
following me.
And as his hand grasps my collar,
I'll fall back into your arms again.

If you were here
and they were gone.
My hearts bleeding there too.

Aren't we all just knocking
on open doors
I'm not home right now.
Try again later.

Trust is like a personality.
Broken, evenly.
You say, I trust everyone
but you.

I'm kind of split in judgement anyways.
But I can't keep up with who you're trying to be today.

I can feel the pressure
of 30,000 leagues
before I see you.

Crushing bones and spirit.
With omnipotent force.

Discoveries: Entry 117.

It’s been
a minute,
it's been
a few years.
Actually.
It’s true ,
that
you will never truly
miss someone.

Until you look
at your
own
reflection.

Only
to see
a ghost,
staring right
back at you,.

Blocking out the past.
Rewriting Today.
**** tomorrow, it may never come.
I don't make mistakes,
I learn from everything.  
Detox is hell in its own right.
But, addiction is the suicide process
in its finest form.
Ten years flew by
and four years drag on.
I'm hurt, angry, and terrified.
But I'll be just fine.



.

I'm sick and tired of playing
Your
boring,
backwards ,
board games.  
Life and Death.
I'm alive,
You’re just playing dead again.
So since,
you don’t
want to play anymore.
Can you just give me back my
clothes and get the **** out of my life?

If I am the piece of
****
you're trying to convince me I am,
then why haven't you
gotten sick of the small
&
flushed me out of your life?
You can keep pleading your case
but you have to have the evidence
to back your story up.
It's all
a bunch of.
Loose ends
&
Sad Flaky *****.
This
won't hold up in court.

I shed egos
like a snake sheds its skin.
Forever changing.
Forever growing.
Forever running from the broken whimpers of last nights wishes.
I will always be that lonely spirit.
You never wanted haunting your life.

March 3rd: When the sun has left us and all is dark. Keep smiling. The night may be a long battle and you may lose this battle. But the war will be won when the sun returns to liberate you in the morning.

March 4th: Even though our conversations have died., we always talk in my dreams.

March 5th: I’ll accept you for who you are. I hope you can do the same for me.
I can't hide behind this mask forever. & You can't keep pretending to play everyone's fool.

March 6th: Little One, I’m sorry your “Father” never cared. I'll make it up to you <3

Flying off
to the
freedom fields.
To
catch
those
free
&
freeing
fireflies
with my
magic-magnetic
real-life
dream catcher.

Anti social.
Manifesto conditional.
Always sulking
within the darkness of me.

Soul ******* succubus.
Tu n'es pas ma mère.
Je vois,  mon amour.

At this "time",

every piece of matter has a synthetic form.

legality has its perks.

But if you were thinking that the legal route,

was more beneficial.

I'm sorry, but you were misinformed.

I don't want to be here.
Or there.
Anywhere for that matter.
I just want to exist, free.

Like the wind taking fallen leaves
off into the sunset.
Or lonely ghosts coming to haunt memories of yesterday.

Aren't we all.
So lucky, if we can still find ourselves. Even after all the horrors time has brought us.

Now,
before you go
& leave me again.
To see places
that are six feet under
with people who are
much,
much
meaner
than I ever was.

I’d like to thank you for taking
My heart
All the way
Down,
down,
down
to hell with you.
On the greener side,
my heart will never be on my sleeve
Again.

Have fun, with all the other liars & cheaters down there.
I'll see you there,
when I decide to play dead.
Give me another 60 years,
unlike you.
I'm not a quitter.
</3

Excuse me,
while I step out of my mind.
I'd like to be
any where but here.

Wasting away is just surrendering to the pendelums curse.

Sometimes you're swinging
forward and everything's like magic.

While other times,
you can feel your heart slowly stopping,
like a broken dream.
Crushed by the hammer we call reality.

Revelations that I am nothing more than the trash.
I never wanted to be.

I never thought being loved would hurt so bad.
Like a thousand knives stabbing my bleeding heart.
For every lie I speak.
As the fear of being alone slowly suffocates my dying heart.
I see the cold monster I've become.

As I'm running through my dreams of you.
I see the story on repeat.
A burden lurking in the depths of my soul.
Longing for the life unlived, longing for paradise.
If they were ready.
If you were ready, when I was.

February 1st: I am a simple variable in your experiment of life.
February 2nd: Contrary to your belief, I am capable.
February 2nd: The muscles in my hand, arm, and fingers simultaneously work together to create a story. Each letter has a meaning and word a purpose. I write to explain myself. To show people by my examples and introspective thoughts who I am. In turn answering the question of what has shaped me into the person I am today. My words paint a picture of my spirit and soul. Of good and evil and from start to finish, I will record every aspect of my forever changing ideas and life itself. Every smile and every tear, every cut and every ****, each day will be documented.  
February 3rd: We can never expect ourselves to accept the big differences between others, if we can’t accept the little differences of ourselves.
February 3rd: I’ve come to realize that we’re all ******. Good or evil, our fate is universal. The hands we eat, ****, and fornicate with has no impact on where our souls will rest.

Trying to reason
with a closed mind.
Will only get you
written off to the
emptiness of a
lustful heart.
You're at the top of the ladder
but if you go,
you're just going to sink to
the bottom of a lost ocean.
Time doesn't exist,
I'll always be here
lingering on the border
of the past and present.
Up in the air,
I'm always dancing with the
clouds.



I am
infamy
at its finest.

You are what you think.
You're a diamond in the rough.
But what you don't know
is that you're worth
more than all the shiny rocks
are
combined.
Then multiplied by
10.

$$$
can't buy you.
If people could be auctioned off,
just know.
You would be the
one that
was so valuable,
no body could even
afford
ti bid on.

I'm just
going to put on
my shades,
cover my hears
and pay lip service.
I'm in the front
pew
of a mad house.
That lost it's meaning,
when money
started motivating
the message.

But tell me,
oh wise one.
With all your
superior knowledge
and hidden powers.
Are you genuine?
Or are you playing make believe?

One thing I'm sure of is;
you're rather convinced
that you know my soul.
Better than I do.
That my dear Mystic is debatable.

Sick in the heart.
Perpetual darkness pulses through my bruised up veins.
Blood work seems to take forever.

Heathens cast the first stone and burn me at the stake.
Like the filthy witch I've become.

But in vain, I've been incinerating in silence.
Since you left me here with these vampires.
Hungry for the essence of my spirit.

I'd rather not play;
my royal flush in
Pitty party poker.

Like a subordinate subboxin user.
Apparent cleanliness, washed out by legal addiction dysphoria.

Keep swimming.
It's easy to be king
of ttash mountain.
Just ask the president.

I've seen those on their third
chance.
Chastise those in the same shallow waters. They once called home.

Denial is one hell of a drug.
And it's legal.

I'd rather be in isolation station.
For, living is worse than dying.
In my eyes, I'm just looking for a shade of grey.

My faith in you
is dissipating.
Like boiling water
disappearing into steam.
No, this isn't a dream.
The truth isn't always kind.
Kind of like you.

Sands slyly slipping  
through the hour glass and
Time's moving on.
A lot
faster than
I.
Try to remember the sound of your voice.
But it never works.
Memories serve no purpose
if you cannot tell
what's real and what's pretend.

Now,
the entire world can see
just how shallow our mental shores
really are.

Yeah.

Keep telling
the audience, the cameras,
and the rest of the
******* world.
That I ******* this
up.
For us.

Truth is:
I was the ***** & you were the screwdriver.
So, who *******, what up?

You really,
just need to
shut the **** up.
Cause you know you're never
going
to
Nut Up.
& The saying is nut up or shut up.

right, fight, light, bright.
I'm shining on with out you.

Shine on,
Because
you are beautiful
in words unknown.
If you could see
my dreams,
you
would see
what the mirror
doesn't want you to
know.
Loneliness is a mind set;
allow yourself to
be in good company.
you can't be
everybody's martyr.
November almost killed me
or maybe I was killing myself.
Throwing in the towel.
You gotta know when to call it quits.
or else you'll go out of control.
Turn the page, end the chapter.
Reinvented, reborn.
Call it whatever you please,
it’s all the same.
Nothing matters because everything is nothing
and nothing
is something.

Why waste my breathe.
When you can't listen to anybody else but yourself.

I'm not sorry for your lack of patience.
But I am sorry, you lost me.

Because when the roofs on fire
and my life is falling apart.
It's okay to be the fool.
Because he's walking off a cliff with a smile on his face.

So who's really living their best here?

I've seen what happens
after all of this.
Desolate, perpetual darkness.
With a sea of fog and nameless voices of people I used to be.
Directional guidelines for my final adventure.

Four minutes felt like fourty years.
And to be fair, I'm annoyed the nurses woke me up.

It was nice, speaking with you again.
Even if you told me to go back home.
To which I came.
Ironic though, you were my first home.

So while,
I sit here and roll
with this
like a joint.
Care-free & easy.
In the back of my head,
I feel like
the force
that's being represented.
Is all mightily
*******
that his
ungenious
wanna be
vigilantes,
giving
him or her
or whatever
a bad name.
Talk about infectious
*******.
No, I'm talking about religion.

Try as you might.
But I've seen how this will play out for me.
So why would I fight?

To end up sitting in the dark.
Wondering what's more tragic.
A funeral for a dead man.
Or a clandestine ceremony for a living one.

Sometimes grey is no longer an applicable color.
Something's need closure.

The world
is a stage.
Patiently waiting
for
You.
To take the mic
and be the star
You
are.
Art is the
nuclear bomb
that can
silence those
**** spreaders
&
shut em' up
for good.

People are like
snow flakes.
They always
melt away
&
flake out
when
**** get’s hot & heavy.
Kind of like friends that aren't passionate.
Friends that aren't passionate about you are seasonal friends.