A blessing to be present till this day
Thankful for the way I was raised
Having a roof to keep me safe
My stomach always full which was good
Being surrounded by love all day long
For days,weeks, months even years
Though I have been given everything
I’ve lost more than what I have been given
More of me has disappeared over the years
More than I have ever been able to built
Im scared full of fear
To be so young yet so grown up
Im not secure at work, home or even less my mind
I do not want to die alone
However I’ve already have more than a couple of times
I let the labels as a child define who I was and I accepted them even if it wasn’t me
I’ve been let to believe something in not
It’s hard to keep a reputation going
I hate having to make everyone happy
Although it’s the only thing that makes me feel now
Im so numb
I never know what wrong from right or vise versa
Am I selfish for feeling this way?
So empty without a face more like no identity
A lost soul, to the earth it doesn’t matter
What I am or become I’m only a small pile of dust
Who cares about me?
When all I ever done I’d give the worst of me
I might affect others and they may remember partially about me
But I’ve never actually been included in their lives because I could never cross the line that and I have set up for myself
I am with fear of letting myself actually discover my true identity
Im open minded so much that it amazes me
I’ve always been capable of taking a certain situation and looking at all the perspectives and outcomes but I’m so closed minded as well because I know I’m wise
I feel filthy
I’ve done things you wouldn’t expect me to do
To some though that’s normal
Im just a kid that has never fully let anyone into my own world
I’ve made mistakes over and over again
The kind that hurt only me
I look out for others before myself
And is it wrong that I just want to grow up now and worry only about myself?
Is it wrong to blame others for leaving me to believe I have to stay the same?
They won’t die with me
Im internally sad, never regretful yet the feelings there
Im overly happy but blocked by the dark emotions I carry with me from the past
Im grateful yet ungrateful
Ready to make moves but stuck on what to do
How can I explain to you that I am a lost soul waiting to be found
Many say I’m amazing and so mature but that’s just a part of me that I aromatically show off because I am still stuck on the same label and I can’t move from there
I leave my mark on your path but I push you away and leave it and never come back and never feel bad about it either
And I’m left alone again not an unusual thing to happen
It doesn’t damage me because I don’t dream on things I can’t have
It’s always been like this for some reason
if I do it’s nice but I push it aside
It’s fun letting everyone pay attention to you but it’s more fun when they staying after it
You leave so much effort into one person and you may not realize it but after a few times you tend to see that you’re left with nothing but somehow you still managed to give something
Thoughts that consume my mind
I can ignore but my heart can’t anymore
I believe it doesn’t realize it’s too concentrated on the bad that it’s not paying attention to do good
It makes me feel guilty when I beg my heart to feel the same way you do
I’m jealous you can still feel butterflies in your stomach and I can’t
It breaks me even more when you believe I’m not trying or when im not able to show my love to you
I’m a criminal for being emotional just to grab your attention because I love when you do
I’m crazy to believe that the only way to be loved is to be someone you look down upon to be comforted
I hate questions when I don’t want to say anything even if I do want to burst
Even with this trouble where I am the one that is giving the burden to you that I never got with past relationships when they said it
I ask the same thing they asked me before
Which I thought was silly because the answer was obvious but so deep in itself they would say, now I say,
how can you still be here and love me when I’m a complete mess? I did not want to be on the other side where they stood, but it’s too late
I’m already here

After all these years
I thought you were the strongest one
Everything that we’ve gone through
The laughter, anger, and the sadness
I was so blessed having you with me
We’ve had our rough patch and I get it
Anyone would have done the same and left
I couldn’t believe, you out of everything would actually leave me
I guess you started to drift off
Something that I would do with most
I hated that feeling of emptiness
Despised the way I would act out all the time
Push others away when they were the first to even care
To even love me the way I always hoped one day someone would
I felt so guilty and so bad that I’d hurt them
After all these years
I thought you were the strongest
Little did I know you were always there to comfort me, to heal me
I never doubted you but I always made it tough on you
I guess I dragged you away finally
I will never forget you for everything you’ve done
I’m not the same without you to be honest
I’d beg and plead for you to come back
However you never listen no more,
you don’t know how to react either
Not even my tears catch your attention
My stuffy nose and the pink shadow on my eyelids are just for you, but you never understand anymore, it’s frustrating
I miss you like no other
Nowadays I don’t even bother
I’m exhausted from trying to bring you back
I fake it most times and I’m pretty successful because no one notices
But you in my mind just don’t connect like you used to...
I wish I wasn’t so numb
I would be so much happier with you
You’ve affected my life dramatically,
now I’m unsteady all the time
Please beat for me once again
You are my heart and I need you to respond

There comes a time where you realize

The things we think, see, touch, hear, and smell are so much like a guide for living life itself.

Need further explanation? Do you hate cliff hangers? Or do you simply love the idea that there can be more to this?

You may have heard of the saying, live, love and learn.

As simple and wonderful as it sounds referring back to one of our senses by the way.

Sometimes living becomes the thing we see as dying and we confuse the both at all times. So we really don’t know in which way it is suppose to be like, but we think we know our feelings enough right?

And we fear love because it’s stronger than what we can handle, isn’t that true in a way? It comes so unexpected but yet we see it coming, at least that’s what the majority believes.

Going through walls is the hardest thing we can bump into.  We despise having to learn something new when we pass through a harsh experience. We have a hard time acknowledging what we actually need to overcome the obstacles.

So how does this all connect together? You know the answer, yet you’re mind is such a beautiful creature that loves exploring even beyond of its abilities.

This is where everything complicates itself more than it should. Us humans love being so complex, it’s crazy right? No it isn’t because it’s such a natural thing for us to do. In the way our world has constructed itself to be like. This is what we have set ourselfs to follow, the path that our past generations have left for us. Could it have been done unintentionally how everything is suppose to work or is it a game we have to learn how to survive and somehow win?

We can be the one’s in the back of the crowd, the unnoticed whose minds run wild that no one will know about till they learn how to show the world their little contribution of their knowledge. The one’s that are unsure of what they say but make it seem like they know what they are talking about. The leader that makes everyone look up at them because they weren’t afraid to finally be who they wanted to be. There are so many roles that can be played or taken. It seems as we are on a song that’s set on repeat. We may love it, we may hate it, we might changed it or we might not mind the way it has been made so we flow with it.

So we live, love and learn. No matter how many times we have to repeat the cycle.
We use our senses in so many different ways constantly. This is not bad actually, but know that, what we may think or feel might just be an illusion of what we might never really know is real.

So do you realize everything is only a guide that only gets us through some parts and not all of it on how to live life it self?

In a dark night
With a violet sky,
Stood a lovely girl
With a blue smile.
I wanted to ask
Why her smile was blue,
I wanted to know
If she was lonely too.
Then she turned to me
With her fading smile,
And she answered me
With a teary eye,
No matter where
Or who youre happy with,
Hapiness is just
Riding on the wind;
Just when you get it
You devolve in ease,
Then it goes again
Solely on whim.
So I stand here
With my weary smile,
So may hapiness
Comes without a cost.
I'm afraid this time
Even if it reaches,
My fears and scars
Will drive it to the wind.
I began to think
What then could be done;
Would the lovely girl
Again truely smile.
It then came to me
If I never leave,
Maybe I can hold
The hapiness she needs.
As I held her close
All through the night,
I could see that her
Face began to shine,
And through her light
I began to smile,
With her lovely shine
Came along a thought;
She was hapiness,
All that I would need,
With her lovely smile
I would feel at ease,
With my happy thought
Came along a breez,
Which then suddenly
Took her off her feet,
With her rising high
I began to fear,
For the me without
The happiness she bears.
I reached for her feet
But the heavy wind,
Threw me to the ground
Scaring me deep.
With the sun setting
She could not be seen,
It was then that her
Words began to mean.
On a dark night
With a violet sky
Stood a lovely boy
With a blue smile.

Looking towards the mountains,
In the ceaseless hike of living,
Is it us who's taking step,
Or are we self deceiving?

The raging winds in sorrowful snow,
And fear shaking beneath,
Are we feeling it all,
Or are we sightseeing?

The high mountain summit,
Where we look to feel alive,
Is it the sight that we need,
Or what lays underneath it?

To play upon our burden,
To act as if it's myth,
To make us be the things that
we don't see ourselves being.

We need to look deeper,
We need to reach further,
We need to embrace it,
we need it, to receive it.

Or if we just ignore it,
Cover it up with being,
We lose sight of our self,
and sight of our beginning.

Lets hope the lone hiker,
Looking towards the mountains,
Can reach the deepest heights,
And see what needs seeing;

And what there is to be seen,
Gives him a farther sight.
Lets hope he keeps seeing,
Lets hope he keeps reaching.

Everything is a moment
Of silence in design,
Of rage that is burning
With passion behind.

Everything is a feeling
Of sorrow when it rains,
Of letting go the tears
That hold you in your cage.

Everything is a touch
Of the hand upon your cheeks,
Of love that is fainting
But not failing to persist.

Everywhere is a space
Of solitude in form,
Of where you would be
If everything is yours.

Everywhere is a pursuit
Of wanting to be seen,
Of all being for nothing
If everything would cease.

When everything is something,
And everywhere is there,
You’ve found it all at once,
Which you’ll wholly embrace.