My mind skates across reality
finding home in nervous habits
a past of unfolding tragedy
diving into water that is too deep
I search for your warmth
in the back of my mind

I grasp into the air and helplessly,
relentlessly my mind pulls me down

Save me. Take me back to the coolness
of early summer nights
blissfully watching the movement
of your lips
you sing only to me
and my soul is found in the center of your universe
your hands wrap around the back of my neck
glide my sorrows away
with the tips of your fingers —
a breeze I crave to live in.  

Fall with me into the warm fields we know
golden light and velvet sound
endlessly and hopelessly wrap me
into you as my soul breathes
a hopeful breath of hopelessness

Cautionary visions visit in viciously vivid fashion
I'm dead and my head is missing
Everyone is laughing
        
                     But me

And the sky is sorta dreary but I don't know
With no eyes you don't see too clearly

      Sew me a new one on,
Attached at the neck
Plastic instead of brittle skin and maybe then
     I can exist in some form above the normally gray and grim

    I pray to a faceless facade
            I made a "God" in my head
An eternal alternative to turn to and blame
   And claim to strangers that he works in mysterious ways
        My lips are chafed from singing unheard praises
  
        I'm tasteless and it has me thinking that maybe my mouth was only a product of my imagination
     Food for thought I chew and stop
           Its too **** hot for contemplation

      Still, I used to think my hands belonged to someone else
     Right up until I used them both to **** myself

dear girl, do not tire your eyes
weeping over dead roses

for sunlight emanates
from your weathered skin

and it is simply a matter of time
    till your garden blossoms again


x.

I want more
Than just to touch you
As you kneel down
Licking my feet
Your wrists fettered
By cold metal
The leash
Adorning your throat
& you look up to me
With begging eyes
Exposed for my needs
I slap you
While you cry for mercy

"But what if we're wrong?"
It was silent
But her thoughts echoed around in my head as we laid on top of her pickup truck
I swatted at the eighteenth mosquito chewing on my leg
I don't want this to be love

We were tangled up in the acoustic music they play on the radio on Sunday mornings
She was trying to dream up something clever to write about
And I was pretending I could learn to play guitar through osmosis,
As if blending myself in with the harmonies, finding her in every lyric, and sheer willpower would give me wings or at least magic guitar hands

She set the alarm, checked it over and over
She was not going to be late for her first day
I told her I'd be asleep when she got home, she told me she knew
I told her to wake me up

I wasn't looking for perfect
Perfect really only applies in first year physics courses
After that, we learn to fall in love with "rough around the edges" or "unique" or "unfinished"
As if their life is a puzzle that we need to complete
Just so you know, it isn't

She bought me breakfast and dropped me off
She used to tell me she loved me, but I know she didn't
She does now, so she doesn't have to say it anymore
When I said, "love," before, I didn't really mean it
Not like I mean loving the garden on the balcony of her apartment or thunderstorms in May
Even if I was a puzzle that she completed (and I'm not saying that I am), we didn't need any glue to fit perfectly

I used to be alone.
I used to watch people.
I wanted someone.
But I hated people.

Then I met you.
I had been alone for so long.
I knew you too.
Everyone said it was wrong.

I've become addicted.
You are the drug I can't live without.
I'm addicted.
You are the thing I can't lend out.