Forgive me father for I have sinned
I threw my soul away
I rejected the gifts given me
Because I didn't believe in happiness

He asked me if I loved him
I told him yes because
I liked the heat of his breath
I told him yes because
I thought that I'd be too happy if he left

She told me this was what love was
I nodded my head because
She smelled nice and
Made my headaches stop
I didn't know that
She'd make me question everything

I told myself that I wasn't depressed
My life became an Icon For Hire song
I was a happy girl that's what
My parents told the psychiatrist back
When I still showed them my sketch book

They told me that I had friends and
I thought that that's what the bottles were
They told me that it was okay
And I thought that's what I was
But we were all wrong

Finally I tried to stop the questions
The ones I couldn't answer
That all echoed in my head
So I tied some knots outside
To match the ones inside
And tried to say goodbye

I didn't believe in happiness
So I thought that I'd just die

I want you to inhale me
smoke my soul
and burn whatever you find left
that you may stumble across
along the way

Ribbons or rope or
laces that loop while
embracing your waist and
encroaching your throat.

Ribbons or rope,
no difference I hope,
for the use of helping
me force you to choke

"Ribbons or rope?":
in a whisper you spoke,
as the air you gasped
tasted of broken glass.

So turn blue for me now,
as blue as I've been
for you.

So lovely to choose
between ribbons
or rope.

I loved you more than you ******* deserved.
But it wasn't enough.
I let you wrap your hands around my aching heart and squeeze it till it crumbled into pieces.
I begged you to love me the way I loved you.
You were busy keeping secrets from me,
and I was busy trying to give you the world.
You always told me I was your favorite girl,
but I was only your favorite girl when you were intoxicated and I let you **** me.
You bruised me,
you took advantage of me,
you left marks on my soul.
*******.
You never deserved me.
I still smell you in my sheets,
and it hurts,
and it makes me so angry that
I want to burn them.
I regret letting you in,
expressing every weakness I endured
and
promising me to kiss me all over when I needed you too.
But,
I promise it won't happen again.
After all you left me a pile of dust,
lost in the wind.