I’m clamoring in the stale sheets.

Twisting and turning my body and mind.

I’m drowning in the streaks of defeats.

Awakened and humbled as night and morning slowly become intertwined.

I’m flailing in the wind of obsoletes.

Accepting and acknowledging my unrefined state of mind.

I’m progressing in the ability to make peace.

I’m going to be ok.
I’m going to be fine.
I’m going to be ok.

I love myself, finally.

I've heard I can have anything,
Do anything,
Be anything,
If I'm willing to sacrifice everything
But here's the thing,
I have nothing to give
So nothing is what I'll be getting

©2024

I stay silent
Too often my own words betray me entirely
I keep quiet
To eliminate any possibly of my past tracking me
Must calm the riot
Internal conflict in turn turns reality iffy
Must stay strategic
My mind gets creative trying to beat me down completely
Can't be complacent
Not while losing my footing on this plain of reality
There's no enjoyment
Living with a cranium teetering on the brink of insanity
Fear becomes a constant
So it never occurred to me these walls shouldn't be up permanently
I remain hesitant
When there's no certainty I can take down these walls safely

©2024

Look closer
Even closer than you are noww
Do you see the cracks?
Do you see the inherent sadness in my sweetness through them?
Do you see me being put together or do you see me crumbling?

the word family
sits at the edge of my mouth
and throws rocks in the well of my throat
choking me to death

it is the way that I wake up in the middle of the night relentlessly searching for you in a single bed

the way I instinctively say we because I have no more desire to be the solo remnants of an ‘I’ that was too tired to stand up straight

the way I cannot help but smile in fragments of moments when I realise that you have become more valuable and yet more priceless than the next breath I breathe

that I’ve come to realise just how much I love you

Take this kiss on the nape of your neck
As
I rid your heart of the pain I may cause it to bare
Bathe every piece of me with inevitable envy
For I long to spend my endless sorrows with just a touch of your skin
Smoothen these calloused hands with the finest lotion
So
They can finally reach for your warm embrace
Twist my bones and crush them into the finest dust of narcotics
So
You can get high off my fault line
Then toss what's left of me into the sweetest blazen of beauty's  Beast .
Preserve all the wonder in my eyes
For
They know no boundaries when cast on your shadowy figure
For I have longed for just the rhythm of your voice
To hypnotize the blind man I've become
Even so
I must leave my love , for I serve no light to your dimmed frame of beauty
I am a stained being
Who
Stains as she leaves
So
Do not water your sheets for a heathen like me
I
Do not deserve the waters of your love
So
Carry your heart with ease
As my hands are stained with a past I cannot bare to speak
For
When I've loved ...
I've only silently lost